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but what when best friends cut you off, and other really close people try to avoid you,also exes or just people you dated don't want to stay friends no matter how the outcome was in the end(yours or their fault).even when you try to reach somebody you still are in contact they kind off talk see you shortly and then never call. even if you bring up the problem they say whaat?? are you paranoid or smth??(they avoid explanation and just talk to you for good times sake and say call me or whatever - and then it all goes back to no contact.. lol
and i am sayin this cous i used to have many people around me that i respected and we both grew together but it seems as i am left out and cant figure out why.people saw me as funny tripped out person, outgoing fun to be around really popular in high school but it's like i have a bad trait that pushes people out of my life :/ and i can't figure out why and i have red that if you please others too much you tend to like em more and more every time you do a favor for them,while they take you for granted and like a fool more and more at the same time kind of reversed.
and i am talking about people you heng out everyday for years some decades, shared opinions had plans for far future,expirienced and did many things together.Some people say i am too good of a person and let people use me and i don't even know it.even people that have left me(months before we parted ways) said that i was being used by others. ironical huh.. in the end i am overly sonfused. some say people are jealous of me and they subconciosly starts with time to dislike me or just take the goods and go(use you). So idk i am wondering if someone felt that way. i have endless examples and crazy stories of someone geting back and after a year or two you see that he tried to **** your girl or smth just that wow's you or others hitting on your exes or someone you had music studio with just leaving you after leading you on that you will make music together.. this happened 3-4 times with different people when we made studios.Now imagine how many more left that we didn't make music we just hanged out.. idk or somebody you smoked 1000 joints with just turned out to be manipulative person and you just couldnt change him, relatives using you and so on.. i have to stop cous i will just mash up everything and confuse you. the thing is how to deal in the future to recognize this or how to know what are you doing wrong that makes situations like that. it's sucks to be alone and wondering.. so any solution would be apriciated.cous i started getting scared to tell people about me and my past and act if nothing happened but it is changing me into a confused person and sometimes i try to holdback what i am saying which makes me feel introverted but i have too do that for my sake :/ i try to change myself and it hurts. i just want to just dont give a **** again and meet new people but i fear it will turn out bad again cous it looks like never ending cycle.
People have cut me out of their life because they began dating. In both occasions, we use to hang out a lot and then he would find a gf and I would no longer matter (or all the time would be spent with her). I am also a guy by the way.
Then why in the world would you cut them out if it's nothing personal?
See, I don't understand that - people leave and either they say nothing, or they say "it's not personal" - well, it IS. It is to ME. You leaving Joe Blow isn't personal, but yeah - when it happens to me and me alone, I tend to take it very personally.
I think what she was trying to say is: "It had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with a struggle within myself."
Maybe I am wrong, but I see other posters implying the same thing in their very honest stories.
Yes, I had a friend who clipped me from her life and she never told me why. I have some ideas. We used to travel together and she came to visit me a few times after I moved. I was really embarrassed to be around her the end of one of her trips and definitely felt we'd grown apart. When she got back home she'd slandered my name to people on MySpace and I never exactly knew why. I asked her and she wouldn't answer me. I was just happy she left and was out of my life.
I had another friend who claimed to "miscarry" every other month when she'd get pregnant with every new guy she was sleeping with. Another friend posted a dead baby joke on my MySpace wall and I responded with LOL and posted another joke. She sent me an angry message saying how inconsiderate that was (apparently stalking my page) and didn't I realize she just "lost" a baby and blocked me. She was always an attention seeking lunatic and again, good riddance.
I always see bad or ill-fitting friendships and acquaintances resolving themselves. The universe will help you be with the right people to teach you, in one way or another. I gotta be me and if you find a problem with it, that's your issue, not mine.
I always see bad or ill-fitting friendships and acquaintances resolving themselves. The universe will help you be with the right people to teach you, in one way or another. I gotta be me and if you find a problem with it, that's your issue, not mine.
I totally agree with this. I have cut more people out of my life than have cut me out, but the latest one was sort of both of us cutting each other off.
During college, I had a roommate for 3 years and we got along pretty well until I got back from study abroad in Europe. While I was gone she obtained a 31-year-old boyfriend and I had a boyfriend as well (he was my age though). So my boyfriend came over a lot and so did hers. It seemed fair. Her boyfriend actually stayed over most nights but I never complained because I liked the guy and I didn't want to jeopardize my own boyfriend's ability to stay at the place.
But as the months went on she became cold to me and only communicated to me via passive-aggressive notes, such as a Post-it saying "we clean the oven after we cook" on a bottle of 401 on the stovetop (wasn't even accurate because they never cleaned, but anyway). That or texts accusing me of not locking the door at night when, in fact, she and her bf were the last to arrive that day and then she didn't even admit it was actually her fault. I got pretty fed up. Later she moved out mid-month, leaving me to clean the rest of the apartment, yet demanding I pay her half the security deposit (she paid it in full originally) if it wasn't clean.
Then she unfriended me on Facebook, lol. I considered that being "cut off." A few weeks later she texted me, all nice, asking me for money because she owed like $400 in moving-out costs (hers was the only name on the lease). I did send her the money to be fair but included a note that said this was our last communication. Then I blocked her on FB and blocked her phone number on my phone. End of story.
She often said on FB how she wanted to move, so I think she thought the place was cramped with her, her bf and then me and my boyfriend. I think she ended up wishing it was just her and her bf and resented my presence, then took it out on me in a bad way. She has also had mental health issues in the past. But I was actually glad she unfriended me.
I had a good friend all through grade school, until one year she just stopped talking to me and I never knew why. It was hurtful because we had been best friends since the 3rd grade.
I've never had another close friend like that since. Once bitten...
Now, some 20+ years after that, we are FB 'friends'. I no longer care why she stopped back then, but I also don't make an effort to get closer to her now.
I've cut very few out of my life, but there are a few:
1) People with whom there's absolutely no emotional reward. These are people who take and take and take some more, and never give in return. Mind you, I don't think relationships should be transactions, but c'mon. I had lots of friend whom I helped out, lent an ear, helped them move, got them through breakups with girlfriends, let them sleep on my sofa and lent them money when they lost a job. And when my father died and most of them could be bothered to come to the funeral, I realized what total losers they were. With the exception of the two who came, I wrote off the rest and made an entirely different bunch of friends.
2) Abusive people. I have a steel rod for a backbone, and I will not tolerate a bully whether his target is me or someone else.
3) People who are dishonest. If someone lies about the little things, they will lie about the important things.
4) People who are inconsiderate. I show up on time. I remember my promises. And I try to think of others. I have little use for people who don't time after time.
My alcoholism reached a point of severely straining relations within the family, and even worse with friends ... My friends were delighted and said so frequently, supplying much positive motivation. With the family it was much different.
My mother, on the other hand, was horrified - horrified that I had joined AA, horrified that I would tell people, and ultimately horrified at the person I became without alcohol. She quite preferred the sullen, cowed drunkard for a son ... I have discovered over the many years since, that my mother's reaction is rather typical of conservative, controlling parents. Despite the embarrassing behavior "lapses," they are happier with the cowed and otherwise subservient drunk.
In my many years in AA I have noticed this to be a common occurrence. Among parents like in your incidence, but especially among married couples. I've often seen couples endure, for decades, what seems to be a terrible marriage ruined by alcohol — but then get divorced AFTER THE ALCOHOLIC GETS SOBER. I'm not talking about two drinkers where one gets sober and the other still drinks. I mean an active alcoholic with a sober "enabler" spouse. The enabler seems to be so invested in their role as hero or long-suffering saint that they can't handle it when the bad actor reforms and takes an active and healthy place in the family. They don't really want to be a genuine partner in a marriage; they want to be a caretaker. It's led me to believe that a lot of enablers are really control freaks who are getting what they want by having a drunk or drugged up partner. It lets them run the show and get sympathy from third parties who see them as used and abused.
The people who have dropped me from their lives are women friends whose husbands don't like me.
The people I've cut out of my life? I've had a couple of instance where I watched a person I cared about engage in behavior I saw as entirely unethical or stupid beyond reason. I tried to encourage them to take another path, but when the choices they were making became really troublesome to me, I dropped them as friends.
I realize this might be an unpopular topic, but we hear so much in this forum about cutting out most (or at least many) of our friends and family because of how toxic they are. We can't stand their narcissistic, immature, and hurtful behavior, and we're happier that they're gone. It seems most people here believe friendships are fake, based on manipulation and what that person can get out of you, and don't last, and even our family is that way.
But, the thing is, somebody out there is probably saying the same thing about you. So - what are some instances where your toxic behavior has caused people to stop being friends with you, or have family members cut you out of your life? Do you feel guilty about it? What have you tried to do to make amends? Was it for the better?
I've lost track of a lot of people in my life that I used to hang out with, but I can only really think of one time that somebody cut me out of their life, and that was in a dating situation where I really wasn't that interested (partially because the girl was nuts, judgmental towards others, vindictive, and played games every day) but I went along with because she liked me and I got status of having a girlfriend. I was friends with her for a long time, and during the "dating" period I kind of manipulated her into dealing with my "difficulties" at the time of not really wanting to do this. So I kind of deserved it. I feel bad for my contributions, but it's probably for the better. That being said, despite disagreements with other friends and family members occasionally, we've still got each others' back.
What about the rest of you?
Yes, great thread topic!
If people have cut me out of their life, I just think to myself, "that is their right." And then I don't think about it anymore unless I did them wrong and I apologize. I don't expect forgiveness either. This has served me quite well as most people don't stay mad at me.
Now, I know one person who for sure cut me out of her life. Why? Because I cut her out of mine.
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