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You are no different than me when you phase people out of your life that you used to be close to. So YOU don't feel guilty you make a half hearted effort to talk to people on occasion in a sense you throw them a bone to act all high and mighty that you are a good person even if you don't really want to talk to that person much any more. There is a reason they are no longer seeing you much anymore, you got bored and have moved on to new people who fit your needs at the time better. How am I any worse?
The old man (ex mentor), who can't help me anymore, now expects me to talk to him all the time now that he is retired and acted hurt when I don't return his email or phone message in hours. I can't take the needyness and I have told him so. But it is all or nothing with hiim. He sends me too many emails and calls too often.
The fact that you keep referring to him as "the old man" is obnoxious enough.
No, I have never "phased" someone out of my life. If a friendship dies a natural death, because of lack of interest or time on both sides, that's one thing.
This is another: you OWE this individual big time. This is not just a regular friendship, it was a mentoring relationship. You OWE him, you are OBLIGATED to him, you should be evermore GRATEFUL towards him --- and not toss him aside like some out-of-date computer that you no longer have use for.
Forget about the way you think things are in business. Think about your humanity if you have any.
By all means tell him that you can't respond to calls and e-mails immediately and that it may take a couple of days. That is reasonable and fair. But have lunch with him once a month if he wants to: is that going to kill you? And I'll bet you have never paid for a single one of those lunches---am I right?
I don't think I've ever been as disgusted with a post on this site as I am with yours. I too wonder if you are just a troll.
How many of you have the EXACT same set of friends that you had five or ten years ago? People come and go from your life and in many cases the people you have dumped along the way did not want to stop being your friend. YOU determined that they did not fit into your life anymore. You had changed, your situation changed or your needs changed.
I don't have the "exact" same set of friends chit chatter, because I've also made new ones along the way...my friends can "come and go from my life", they are NEVER dumped, that's not something I do, nor they....Sad that you've never had a friend who's stayed close even though you've changed, or your situation and needs have changed....none of those have ever been a deterrent to me nor my friends to stop respecting and caring for one another.....maybe one day chit chatter, you too can have a friend who really likes YOU, not what they can provide for you, or what you can provide for them, but YOU....it is possible you know.
I once let a connection with an older mentor slip away when I was very young after he became very ill. It was immaturity and low self-esteem on my part, and a bit of emotional exhaustion after losing my best friend and her mother to separate long-term illnesses and then dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship (my first long-term relationship). My mentor lived on another continent, and i let myself believe I would just have been an intruder if I inserted myself into his final days. I was in a very miserable place at that time and couldn't comprehend the idea that someone would have wanted my letters and support. My actions haunt me to this day, but he's dead now, and that kind of put an end to making amends.
I'd say that's something to think about, but somehow I don't think you really give a rat's ass. Please never have children.
You owe everything to this man. He's the reason you are successful. You didn't do anything on your own. He did it all for you. You're nothing without him. You should be kissing his butt for eternity. How can you be so proud of yourself for your success when you did NOTHING to achieve it?
I'm so disgusted.
You'll end up being the "old lonely man".
Last edited by GoldyViolet; 10-07-2012 at 12:23 PM..
Reason: word change
Because this is a message board and I won't get slapped in the face for my honesty (and this is a true story/ongoing situation), I just wanted to be honest.
I am sure there are lots of people in a similar situation. They used someone to get where they are and when the person who helped no longer was in the position to help them anymore then they dump the other person from their life. Be honest now, you have done it too.
No. And I don't think it's necessary. But, people use each other for various reasons.
I just think it's disingenuous to continue a relationship when you're feel like you "owe" someone. Not only is it fake, it's a huge slap in the face to someone who has immensely helped you so much.
I agree with the advice of: leave the poor man alone. You'd be doing a disservice to him by pretending. Maybe if you genuinely are concerned about him, that'd be another story. Sounds like you don't even like him as a person.
Because this is a message board and I won't get slapped in the face for my honesty (and this is a true story/ongoing situation), I just wanted to be honest.
I am sure there are lots of people in a similar situation. They used someone to get where they are and when the person who helped no longer was in the position to help them anymore then they dump the other person from their life. Be honest now, you have done it too.
Your warped perspective on the average human being is probably exactly why you find you can't connect with this lovely old man who has done so much for you.
You greatly need to understand that just because YOU use people doesn't mean everyone else does. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can become a better person.
I believe your mentor loves you. I believe your mentor possibly looks at you as one of his children, his child. He is probably so happy for you. So happy to see you and your (HIS) success.
Just out of curiosity does your mentor have children?
I believe your mentor loves you. I believe your mentor possibly looks at you as one of his children, his child. He is probably so happy for you. So happy to see you and your (HIS) success.
Just out of curiosity does your mentor have children?
You probably won't get an answer. The OP is "not a member." Probably got banned.
You know, this thread reminds me of something that happened earlier this week. I was out of town on biz for a meeting. Unfortunately, one of the clients I was scheduled to meet took ill, which meant I would have to reschedule things. So I had essentially driven 3.5 hours for no reason at all.
However, on my way back, I was going to hit a mid-sized town around lunch. So I called an old colleague of mine from ten years ago and invited him to lunch. Gene, 68 and retired, was really excited to hear from me and we wound up having a great lunch and a couple of beers while we swapped stories and talked biz. It was really great to catch up with him because I always enjoyed working with the guy.
On the other hand, because tread lightly around people who only assess others based on their immediate usefulness. These are people you don't want to be associated with.
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