Mother and Daughter Relationship Why Can't We Get Along? (brother, children, house)
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I do love and care for my mom like anyone else would they're mom or parent. But it seems like no matter what I do it isn't good enough. Like for example I applied to a McDonalds a few years back it was near a college and right away, she tells me not to work there because its near a college.
She wants me to work at the McDonalds up the street from me instead of far away. Or she ends up telling me "you don't need to worry about finding a job" after I tell her I applied to 10 jobs. Then she complains on how IF I do get a job she doesn't like the hours, location, etc.
It's like no winning or pleasing her. I don't know what to do.
I'd wonder if we had the same mother if mine were still alive.
I loved her but it took me forever to realize I couldn't please her so just did what I wanted. As I recall I was almost 30 when that happened.
You don't have to be confrontational or start a big fight but just tell her that you applied where you wanted to work. If she asks why, you can explain it but if/when she starts the criticism, tell her it's not up for negotiating.
SweetGirl09, I assume that you are in college and are just looking for a part time job and not a permanent full time job. Otherwise, my comments below would be different:
I do think that your mother has expressed some sensible objections for you to consider. However, what surprises me about your opening post is that you want to follow her advice to please her, not because you agree with her objections.
You're still in a adult-child relationship with your mother. By your age, that should start to change to an adult-to-adult relationship (a friendship of equals) with your mother respecting certain boundaries i.e. it is your life, that you will make mistakes but that's how you learn and grow and become stronger as an adult.
In other words, your mother's approval might be "nice", and as long as you are living under her roof and are financially dependent on her, you may have to abide by some of her decisions, but start to trust your own judgment rather than making choices just to please your mother. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't value her input!
Some other things to consider: Do you really think your mother will love you less if you don't follow her advice? Would you respect an adult whose mother makes decisions for them?
You could try what I had to do 15 years ago with my father and tell her that you are so tired of living with a parent whose love and affection are always conditional upon you doing and being what she thinks you should, rather than just loving and supporting you no matter what. I'm sure she thinks she is encouraging you to do better or try harder, but it certainly isn't coming out that way.
Try to find 'I Only Say This Because I Love You' by Deborah Tannen, or 'You're Wearing That?' by the same author.
'I Only Say' is about talking to your family when you are all adults and the other is about mother-daughter conversations and conflict. They both will help you understand both your mother and your reactions to what she says.
For instance, she may feel that she is helping to protect you by 'encouraging' you to get a job closer to home...while you're hearing criticism of your choices. You are likely both right. Same thing when she says 'you don't need to worry about finding a job'. She may think that's encouraging because you're so great in her eyes that you won't have a problem...while you hear something else. Again, you're both right.
Learning to understand one another as adults will be an on-going learning process for each of you.
maybe she's having a hard time letting go..or else she's just never happy and you need to do your own thing and tell her as little as possible about your life.
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If you are a minor, then you have to listen and do as your Mother wants. You might try having her sit down with you and having her list all the businesses in your immediate area where she would be OK with you applying for a job.
Maybe she is worried about having to take you and pick you up from work. Or, if you drive maybe she is worried about your riving at night. Sometimes us Mom's come across as bossy, but we always have your best interest at heart. Work with her, you'll learn some things that will help you now and later in life. Good luck on this and on finding a job.
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