Who Else HATES Bridal and Baby Showers? (Rant) (Maybe diatribe) (funerals, house)
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Okay, I'm not getting this. What is the difference of a family member hosting a wedding or baby shower as opposed to a graduation party, a birthday party, etc? It's the same thing. I guess everyone chooses to set their own personal rules. Btw I'm very southern and ive never heard of that being tacky.
I think the rationale was that a relative throwing a wedding or baby shower was a blatant request for gifts, whereas birthday and graduation parties for adults do not always entail buying gifts. They can be more of a simple celebration. A friend hosting a shower doesn't seem as "gimme gimme."
I hate the registries too. It galls me to go to BB&B and shop for a can-opener or coffee-maker for someone. It completely sucks the fun out of the occasion and makes me feel like I'm running an errand for them. I do understand buying a place-setting of dishes or silver, but it still bothers me to be dictated to about my gift-buying.
Also, I understand that pregnant women, especially first-time moms, feel a need for lots of equipment. But my experience with my own daughter showed me that about 80% of "equipment" is either unnecessary or useless. OTOH, you can never have too many onesies, little play outfits or socks, so I usually go off-list (gasp!) and get those. I didn't even do a registry when I had my daughter and we received both useful, cute and sentimental stuff.
I don't mind the games or silliness--they never seem to last too long. Good food and cake are plusses.
One more thing about registries--there was a mini-trend here, I think started by the owner of a discovery-toys type store, to have little kids do registries for their birthday parties. I knew of a couple of those when my daughter was in elementary school. Talk about no fun at all!
Also, I know a woman who moved into a house and threw herself a house-warming party complete with a registry. So, OP, feel free to think of a reason to celebrate and get yourself over to Crate & Barrel!
I just got inspired in another thread to start this. There have to be more women like me. There just have to be.
I hate bridal showers. I hate baby showers.
I'm not married, and I've never wanted children. But sure, I am happy for family and friends who choose to do these things.
I'm generous with gifts; I'll buy you a really nice gift--so it's not about that.
And contrary to what some wedding-obsessed or baby-obsessed women will surely claim, I don't hate showers because I'm somehow "jealous" and wish that I were getting married or reproducing. I have no desire to have kids and never did. And the only one responsible for me not being married is me.
I don't have an aversion to all parties. Some parties can be fun. But showers are very different.
Here's what I hate:
1. The registry. I don't like that getting married or having a baby requires a person to register for gifts, but no other occasions do. We get gifts for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, etc. But we don't get to register for those occasions. Sure you can get into that whole argument about "all gifts are good" and "it's the thought" vs. "some gifts really do suck" and "It's best to let people know what you want/need." But the fact that we have registries for two gift-giving occasions and not for any other gift-giving occasion means there is a double standard. When I bought my house, I'd have loved to have a registry. People gave me lots of housewarming gifts. Some were nice or useful, some were awful and I had to give them away. I also had to buy a bunch of stuff myself. I've had graduations, from college, from graduate school, but no gift registry. Wouldn't it be great (if you think registries are fine for bride and expected moms) to have registries for all kinds of occasions? Then you'd never have trouble picking out what to get a person, and worrying that they won't like it. You wouldn't have to worry about all those bad gifts, and how to accept them gracefully without hurting the person's feelings.
So I don't have a problem with a bride or expected mother having a gift registry. Frankly, if I'm getting the person a gift anyway, I like knowing what they need and want. I just wonder why the rest of us never get a registry.
Then with regard to the wedding shower specifically, it's really sort of a way to get two gifts out of people. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'm usually giving a very generous monetary gift. So how come a few weeks before the wedding, I also have to go out and buy a registry-requested present for the person? If I'm giving you $200 for the wedding, why is it also necessary to buy you a bread-maker or microwave?
1.A. The people who violate the registry. When I have to buy a gift from a registry, I follow all the rules. I go to the store where the person registered, buy the item, and make sure the store marks it off the list. But inevitably, when I go to a shower, someone always buys the same exact gift I bought! They usually say "Oh, I saw it at Target for cheaper." Okay, well the person didn't register at Target; They registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. you were supposed to buy it there. And if you insist on cheaping out and buying it at Target, fine, but notify Bed, Bath & Beyond and HAVE THEM MARK IT OFF THE LIST. You idiot twit. The whole point of the registry is to get what you want, and to not get duplicates.
The best example I had was a baby shower for a friend from work. She had registered at XYZ store for a certain stroller. It was pricey, but perfect for three people to pitch in. So two other friends and I chipped in and got it. It was wrapped in the huge box, and we noticed another huge, wrapped box of identical dimensions. Turns out, the mother-in-law bought her the stroller, from some other store, and never informed XYZ store. This was also the alcohol-free shower (see #5 below), so this behavior was particularly troubling.
The other violation of the registry occurs when a person decides to buy another brand item instead of the one the person asked for. The person wanted a particular Black & Decker rice cooker. She probably researched it, checked out the reviews, Consumer Reports, who knows. But she wanted THAT one. So don't decide on your own to get her the Cuisinart rice cooker. She picked the other one for a reason. She doesn't need two rice cookers.
1B. Babies-R-Us. Enough said there.
2. Why the need for a women-only party? When someone is getting married, that usually means TWO people are getting married, right? Why do we have to have a stupid girly-girl party for the bride? why not have a party (with presents) for both the bride and groom? Why this female version of the "sausage fest"?
I'm not a person who goes to parties looking for "male attention" by any means, but being in a room with just women can get pretty annoying and boring.
And when people have a baby, there are usually two parents involved too. So why the stupid girly-girl party for the expected mom and nothing for the expected dad? I've heard of some people having "Jack and Jill Showers" and I like that idea, if there has to be a shower at all.
3. The required Add-On gifts. It's not enough to buy a nice gift from the registry, but you're usually required to bring a "wishing well gift" or "baby basinette gift" too. This is a smaller gift that you buy, toss into a big pile, and don't get credit for having bought.
For wedding showers, it might be a spatula or meat thermometer. For baby showers it might be a little toy or an anal thermometer. (Maybe you could reverse those?) But I just learned in another thread where the guests of a baby shower were expected to fill out a card for a particular website, and pledge to each buy the woman 12 dozen diapers to be delivered to her home.
I have no clue what 12-dozen diapers would cost, and really, that's not my point. It's the bullying, peer-pressuring, shake-down of squeezing another gift out of a guest. Sure you could decline to participate, but then you're a selfish b*tch according to everyone else.
I went to a baby shower that required us to each buy two non-wrapped books to throw into a basinette for the baby. I bought Atlas Shrugged and The Federalist Papers. (I'm not joking, I have witnesses). We didn't get to add gift tags to the books, so no one knew who bought each book. The mom-to-be held up my two books, and half the room turned and looked directly at me. I took another sip of my wine and said "Um, Barnes & Noble was all out of Everybody Poops." (I still have faith that that little girl will grow up to be incredibly smart and well-informed).
4. The Stupid Shower Rituals. These are usually in the catgories of games, the pass-around, and the ribbon-hat. For those of you who don't know (men, I guess), there are "games" they have to play at these things. It's usually some quiz or bingo game that has to do with how much you know about the guest of honor. Not fun. Far, far from fun.
Then when the guest of honor opens each gift, you all have to pass the gift around and pretend to look at it. Sometimes it's expected to "ooh" and "aah" as you do this. Example: "Ooooohhh, breast pump!" I usually go take a pee break.
Then every ribbon or bow, from every gift, gets gathered together by the designated most-annoying party guest and sculpted into a silly hat that the guest of honor must then wear for several pictures.
5. The lack of alcohol. Now, showers in my nice WASP family usually have an abundance alcohol flowing. But many seem to think that showers are so much fun that alcohol is just not needed. But several drinks are required to make all of the above even remotely tolerable. I don't care what time of day it is, if you are throwing a shower, alcohol is required. Re. Quired. If you're on the wagon, great for you. But you need to make sure the other guests can all drink. Serenity, man. Just go to a meeting afterward if you need to. Either way, you'll probably need to.
And mimosa doesn't count. Mimosa sucks. Look it up in your bartender's guide under "useless p*ss." Same with the tooty-fruity punch with floating sherbet in it and 0.05% alcohol.
So anyway. I'm sure I can't be alone. Do any other women hate showers? I must be missing a gene or something.
I think the rationale was that a relative throwing a wedding or baby shower was a blatant request for gifts, whereas birthday and graduation parties for adults do not always entail buying gifts. They can be more of a simple celebration. A friend hosting a shower doesn't seem as "gimme gimme."
I hate the registries too. It galls me to go to BB&B and shop for a can-opener or coffee-maker for someone. It completely sucks the fun out of the occasion and makes me feel like I'm running an errand for them. I do understand buying a place-setting of dishes or silver, but it still bothers me to be dictated to about my gift-buying.
Also, I understand that pregnant women, especially first-time moms, feel a need for lots of equipment. But my experience with my own daughter showed me that about 80% of "equipment" is either unnecessary or useless. OTOH, you can never have too many onesies, little play outfits or socks, so I usually go off-list (gasp!) and get those. I didn't even do a registry when I had my daughter and we received both useful, cute and sentimental stuff.
I don't mind the games or silliness--they never seem to last too long. Good food and cake are plusses.
Well I guess that explains the possible "rationale" behind the friend vs family shower thing. LOL
On the "registries"....yeah, don't even look at them. Hey, if you want me to buy you something, you're not going to tell me what to buy you. Where's the surprise in that? I agree completely with the "first time mom" and gadget business. For cryin' out loud, there are some things that you need and a whole lot of things you're going to end up being ticked off because they just take up valuable space. Trust a practical mother to get you what you really need, because they're the ones who've been there and done that. I'm not about to go out and spend hard-earned money buying people crap they don't need.
I just got inspired in another thread to start this. There have to be more women like me. There just have to be.
I hate bridal showers. I hate baby showers.
I'm not married, and I've never wanted children. But sure, I am happy for family and friends who choose to do these things.
I'm generous with gifts; I'll buy you a really nice gift--so it's not about that.
And contrary to what some wedding-obsessed or baby-obsessed women will surely claim, I don't hate showers because I'm somehow "jealous" and wish that I were getting married or reproducing. I have no desire to have kids and never did. And the only one responsible for me not being married is me.
I don't have an aversion to all parties. Some parties can be fun. But showers are very different.
Here's what I hate:
1. The registry. I don't like that getting married or having a baby requires a person to register for gifts, but no other occasions do. We get gifts for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, etc. But we don't get to register for those occasions. Sure you can get into that whole argument about "all gifts are good" and "it's the thought" vs. "some gifts really do suck" and "It's best to let people know what you want/need." But the fact that we have registries for two gift-giving occasions and not for any other gift-giving occasion means there is a double standard. When I bought my house, I'd have loved to have a registry. People gave me lots of housewarming gifts. Some were nice or useful, some were awful and I had to give them away. I also had to buy a bunch of stuff myself. I've had graduations, from college, from graduate school, but no gift registry. Wouldn't it be great (if you think registries are fine for bride and expected moms) to have registries for all kinds of occasions? Then you'd never have trouble picking out what to get a person, and worrying that they won't like it. You wouldn't have to worry about all those bad gifts, and how to accept them gracefully without hurting the person's feelings.
So I don't have a problem with a bride or expected mother having a gift registry. Frankly, if I'm getting the person a gift anyway, I like knowing what they need and want. I just wonder why the rest of us never get a registry.
Then with regard to the wedding shower specifically, it's really sort of a way to get two gifts out of people. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'm usually giving a very generous monetary gift. So how come a few weeks before the wedding, I also have to go out and buy a registry-requested present for the person? If I'm giving you $200 for the wedding, why is it also necessary to buy you a bread-maker or microwave?
1.A. The people who violate the registry. When I have to buy a gift from a registry, I follow all the rules. I go to the store where the person registered, buy the item, and make sure the store marks it off the list. But inevitably, when I go to a shower, someone always buys the same exact gift I bought! They usually say "Oh, I saw it at Target for cheaper." Okay, well the person didn't register at Target; They registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. you were supposed to buy it there. And if you insist on cheaping out and buying it at Target, fine, but notify Bed, Bath & Beyond and HAVE THEM MARK IT OFF THE LIST. You idiot twit. The whole point of the registry is to get what you want, and to not get duplicates.
The best example I had was a baby shower for a friend from work. She had registered at XYZ store for a certain stroller. It was pricey, but perfect for three people to pitch in. So two other friends and I chipped in and got it. It was wrapped in the huge box, and we noticed another huge, wrapped box of identical dimensions. Turns out, the mother-in-law bought her the stroller, from some other store, and never informed XYZ store. This was also the alcohol-free shower (see #5 below), so this behavior was particularly troubling.
The other violation of the registry occurs when a person decides to buy another brand item instead of the one the person asked for. The person wanted a particular Black & Decker rice cooker. She probably researched it, checked out the reviews, Consumer Reports, who knows. But she wanted THAT one. So don't decide on your own to get her the Cuisinart rice cooker. She picked the other one for a reason. She doesn't need two rice cookers.
1B. Babies-R-Us. Enough said there.
2. Why the need for a women-only party? When someone is getting married, that usually means TWO people are getting married, right? Why do we have to have a stupid girly-girl party for the bride? why not have a party (with presents) for both the bride and groom? Why this female version of the "sausage fest"?
I'm not a person who goes to parties looking for "male attention" by any means, but being in a room with just women can get pretty annoying and boring.
And when people have a baby, there are usually two parents involved too. So why the stupid girly-girl party for the expected mom and nothing for the expected dad? I've heard of some people having "Jack and Jill Showers" and I like that idea, if there has to be a shower at all.
3. The required Add-On gifts. It's not enough to buy a nice gift from the registry, but you're usually required to bring a "wishing well gift" or "baby basinette gift" too. This is a smaller gift that you buy, toss into a big pile, and don't get credit for having bought.
For wedding showers, it might be a spatula or meat thermometer. For baby showers it might be a little toy or an anal thermometer. (Maybe you could reverse those?) But I just learned in another thread where the guests of a baby shower were expected to fill out a card for a particular website, and pledge to each buy the woman 12 dozen diapers to be delivered to her home.
I have no clue what 12-dozen diapers would cost, and really, that's not my point. It's the bullying, peer-pressuring, shake-down of squeezing another gift out of a guest. Sure you could decline to participate, but then you're a selfish b*tch according to everyone else.
I went to a baby shower that required us to each buy two non-wrapped books to throw into a basinette for the baby. I bought Atlas Shrugged and The Federalist Papers. (I'm not joking, I have witnesses). We didn't get to add gift tags to the books, so no one knew who bought each book. The mom-to-be held up my two books, and half the room turned and looked directly at me. I took another sip of my wine and said "Um, Barnes & Noble was all out of Everybody Poops." (I still have faith that that little girl will grow up to be incredibly smart and well-informed).
4. The Stupid Shower Rituals. These are usually in the catgories of games, the pass-around, and the ribbon-hat. For those of you who don't know (men, I guess), there are "games" they have to play at these things. It's usually some quiz or bingo game that has to do with how much you know about the guest of honor. Not fun. Far, far from fun.
Then when the guest of honor opens each gift, you all have to pass the gift around and pretend to look at it. Sometimes it's expected to "ooh" and "aah" as you do this. Example: "Ooooohhh, breast pump!" I usually go take a pee break.
Then every ribbon or bow, from every gift, gets gathered together by the designated most-annoying party guest and sculpted into a silly hat that the guest of honor must then wear for several pictures.
5. The lack of alcohol. Now, showers in my nice WASP family usually have an abundance alcohol flowing. But many seem to think that showers are so much fun that alcohol is just not needed. But several drinks are required to make all of the above even remotely tolerable. I don't care what time of day it is, if you are throwing a shower, alcohol is required. Re. Quired. If you're on the wagon, great for you. But you need to make sure the other guests can all drink. Serenity, man. Just go to a meeting afterward if you need to. Either way, you'll probably need to.
And mimosa doesn't count. Mimosa sucks. Look it up in your bartender's guide under "useless p*ss." Same with the tooty-fruity punch with floating sherbet in it and 0.05% alcohol.
So anyway. I'm sure I can't be alone. Do any other women hate showers? I must be missing a gene or something.
By the way......I did forget to tell you that this post is absolutely priceless....truly one of the best reads EVER! LOL
... I used to say it goes with the loving soap opera gene and the flirting gene and I'm definitely deficient there. I love the above post too--I was nodding and laughing through the entire thing. The last baby shower I went to was for a coworker and I had ridden from work to the restaurant where it was held with others, as I really don't know the area very well--live out of town. We had no less than six games and I'm afraid I was not a good sport. First of all, we had to wait until about 2:30 in the afternoon for this party/luncheon because it's a doctor's office and had to wait until all the patients were gone, so I was surly and testy because of hunger.
The most disgusting one was when the "games person" passed around little diaper-shaped things with different mashed chocolate candy in them and each person had to guess what the candy was in its original form--there had to be 8-9 of them.
If I had been in my own car, I would have walked out, even though I liked the honoree very much and was raised to be more polite!
I am pretty ambivalent about the shower thing. If it is a good friend, then I am happy to go get a gift and attend. If it is a co-worker or friend of a friend, then I will usually send a gift with my apologies.....
I DO hate the games at baby showers though and most of the time, opt out of those things. Espcially the one where you cant cross your legs or say the word "baby" or you will lose your safety pin. Ugh. I LIKE crossing my legs!
But I like the registry. It just makes it easier for me to buy the darn gift. However, I am with those of you who posted about the most expensive items in the store being on the registry list. Really?
Personally....when I was given showers for my babies, I was completely GUSHY about the practical gifts like disposable diapers!!!!!!!! Yeah baby!!!! Save me MONEY! LOL
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I agree completely with the "first time mom" and gadget business. For cryin' out loud, there are some things that you need and a whole lot of things you're going to end up being ticked off because they just take up valuable space. Trust a practical mother to get you what you really need, because they're the ones who've been there and done that. I'm not about to go out and spend hard-earned money buying people crap they don't need. 
I guess I'm missing that gene too...
