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The overwhelming theme here seems to be discomfort with one's own sexuality. Heterosexual men are not uncomfortable around lesbians and heterosexual women are not typically uncomfortable around gay men.
It's quite outlined in most gender psychology texts. Either gender becomes more comfortable around homosexuals the more time they spend together and the more secure they become with their own identity.
And, for the record, most gay people don't find heterosexual sex or displays of affection as icky or incomfortable. Why? Because for most of us we are secure in our sexuality and we are used to seeing such things.
I hold nothing against people who are uncomfortable with gay people. I understand the underlying reasons and know that through my interactions with them as an openly gay man who isn't overbearing, many people have become more comfortable with the gay population in general.
mjb68, I understand your feelings if you've had those experiences with lesbians. It's not fair to judge all of them based on those experiences, but I understand (from some harrowing experiences of my own that I've had with aggressive people) that it's hard to shake those off and difficult not to remember them well when you come across other people. The situation you described would make me very uncomfortable too, though not because the woman was assuming I was gay, but because the woman was coming on too strong and I don't want anyone who had just met me an hour ago to say things like that to me. Your reaction is completely understandable from my point of view, and I wouldn't have even been worried that I hurt her feelings, I don't think--I would think she should know that she was out of line. If someone on here wants to stone you for what you've said about that, I don't get why. I've noticed that kind of presumptuous, off-putting behavior from gay people, straight people, and almost every other kind of identity.
I hope you meet a lesbian who doesn't act that way (I might even get annoyed with your friend, too, if she was constantly checking people out), so you can have a better experience, and hopefully a friend who doesn't make you feel ill at ease.
I agree with you about being uncomfortable seeing people being too demonstrative in public. I feel that way about people of all sexual orientations, so I figure it's this preference some of us have; we just think some of those things belong at home.
The only thing I can't quite understand is why you find it so gross that two women would sleep together. First, please do remember that these romantic relationships are about so much more than sex. But aside from that, I personally don't feel put off by people's sex acts, unless someone tells me there's some kind of physical harm in the process. Thing is, you don't really have to think about women having sex with each other; what's right for many lesbians isn't what's right for you, etc. I don't think most lesbians are grossed out by heterosexual sex; that would strike me as heterophobic, which I know does exist. I guess I'm carrying on because I don't understand people saying any of it is "gross," rather than "just not right for me."
There's a lot of truth to what you guys are saying, as I don't agree with practicing a gay lifestyle for my own personal religious reasons...
What is so very frustrating to me is when people refer to homosexuality as "practicing a gay lifestyle." It's NOT a lifestyle. It's who they are, as human beings. It's as much a part of them as heterosexuality is to us. It's not something they practice. It's their LIFE.
Living in the suburbs, driving a minivan, taking the kids to soccer? That's a lifestyle. Living in a mansion, flying to parties around the globe, partying 'til dawn? That's a lifestyle. Lifestyles are about material choices - things that are superficial. There's nothing superficial about being gay.
As far as gays or lesbians hitting on people such as the incident described by mjb68 - personally, I would have the same reaction whether it was a man or a woman being the aggressor. The person was being too forward, no matter what the gender or sexual orientation. I can honestly say that I've had far more men be rudely suggestive to me than women. As a matter of fact, I've never had a woman do or say anything remotely as suggestive as the things some men have said to me.
Being vulgar knows no sexual orientation. It's an equal opportunity offense.
Homosexuality is about who a person is attracted to - just as heterosexuality is. It's doesn't mean that they're all sex addicts, and it doesn't mean they're all perverts or predators. It simply means that they're attracted to the same gender - that's all. They deserve to be treated with the same respect as everyone else.
Living in the suburbs, driving a minivan, taking the kids to soccer? That's a lifestyle. Living in a mansion, flying to parties around the globe, partying 'til dawn? That's a lifestyle. Lifestyles are about material choices - things that are superficial. There's nothing superficial about being gay.
Really great post, Claire, and I especially appreciate this part. For some reason, I've had a hard time explaining to people why the term "lifestyle" is so offensive. You've explained it perfectly here.
The only thing I can't quite understand is why you find it so gross that two women would sleep together. First, please do remember that these romantic relationships are about so much more than sex. But aside from that, I personally don't feel put off by people's sex acts, unless someone tells me there's some kind of physical harm in the process. Thing is, you don't really have to think about women having sex with each other; what's right for many lesbians isn't what's right for you, etc. I don't think most lesbians are grossed out by heterosexual sex; that would strike me as heterophobic, which I know does exist. I guess I'm carrying on because I don't understand people saying any of it is "gross," rather than "just not right for me."
I appreciate your response. As far as the “gross” thing goes ~ I have to stand by what I say. I can't change the emotions or any unexpected reactions. If we’re specifically talking about “intimate acts” ~ I do think it’s gross. I’m trying to think of a more “politically correct” word here.
I’m gonna try to be as frank as possible here without getting banned from CD. Mods ~ please remove if I’m out of line. Excuse the abbreviations here, I’m trying to be PG-13, so fill in the words here.
Maybe it’s the word I’m using you don’t like? Or maybe just the fact that I think it’s gross? My SIL (and I’m sure many other women) think that O.S. performed on a man is “gross”. I’m not offended by that, I like it, don’t care if she or others don’t. My SIL tells me I’m nasty for doing it! (In a lighthearted matter of course). So be it, I don’t care if she says it’s “gross” or “just not for me”. Some people think A.S. (backway) is “gross” ~ so be it, some people don’t. Some men might think O.S. performed on a woman is “gross” ~ some don’t. What’s the big deal. Ever been to a bachelor party with a duo team ---- double “Gross” (ok maybe not for the straight guys out there).
All I know is I’m really tired of saying the word “gross” right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F
As far as gays or lesbians hitting on people such as the incident described by mjb68
Not sure if the Boldness of my name was directed at me or not?
Not sure if the Boldness of my name was directed at me or not?
Oops, no - sorry! It's a habit carried over from another forum where I'm a member. We always bold the name of a forum member when referring to them - kind of an eye catcher, I guess. Sorry for any confusion! I've removed it from my original post.
I actually think this is a good discussion. I'm glad we can have it. I went to a college with a (relatively) large number of lesbians, so it doesn't make me even think twice.
Someone asked what we would do if a friend came out to us, maybe after we had known them a long time. As I said earlier, I wouldn't think twice. I would say "... and when are you going to tell me your big announcement?". It just wouldn't make a difference. I guess I have too many other worries. I don't mean that in a dismissive way - I really do have too many other worries!
No, I don't agree with thinking ANY kind of healthy sexuality is "gross." I mean, c'mon, we're all adults here. Women with men, men with men, women with women...it's just sex. The more important thing is, who do you love? And the answer to that is, well, personal, and life-changing, and it really depends on the individual. Whether that affects who you have as friends, to me, is incredibly superficial.
And no, I don't give out negative reps for having a different opinion than I do .
I do happen to have very strong opinions about certain things, but I try to be tolerant of others' opinions...even if they suck.. j/k LOL .
I think I'd go with hollygolightly on that one, mjb60. And then I'd have to disagree with your SIL for calling it gross, even if it was meant in jest. It starts sounding very high school-ish quickly. Not trying to tell you that you aren't entitled to feel a certain way, because I know that people have little control over that.
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I’m not offended by that, I like it, don’t care if she or others don’t. My SIL tells me I’m nasty for doing it! (In a lighthearted matter of course). So be it, I don’t care if she says it’s “gross” or “just not for me”. Some people think A.S. (backway) is “gross” ~ so be it, some people don’t. Some men might think O.S. performed on a woman is “gross” ~ some don’t. What’s the big deal. Ever been to a bachelor party with a duo team ---- double “Gross” 
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