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Old 12-11-2013, 06:00 PM
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,298,045 times
Reputation: 4023


Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I will speak with her and ask her what can I do to financially compensate her and him throughout her if he doesn't accept my money directly.

I'll remove my brother and his sons from my will even though it's going to be hard for me to do so because they helped me a lot.

I know I'll be crushed over this but does anyone think I should do a paternity test before I change my will, just to be on the safe side?
Ahh, you already said he looks like a younger you and you signed the birth certificate. I'd bet your gut is telling you he is your son. At this point, it would be insulting to ask for a paternity test.

One other thing to relay to him is that he does have cousins, if he doesn't already know about them. While he may not talk to you, he might want to get to know his other relatives. Likewise, have you said anything to your brother? He should be informed he's an uncle.

You have all kinds of options on the will. You can do a 50-50 split, give even shares of anything in between. Give it some time before you make any changes.
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:12 PM
Location: Verde Valley
4,049 posts, read 9,063,095 times
Reputation: 3404
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I just offered him money because since he doesn't want any personal contact with me, I thought I could at least compensate him financially.
Why don't you offer it to his mom, surely she deserves lots of it for all her struggles, and maybe she'll leave it to him.
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:20 PM
811 posts, read 1,034,004 times
Reputation: 1432
Originally Posted by adventuregurl View Post
Why don't you offer it to his mom, surely she deserves lots of it for all her struggles, and maybe she'll leave it to him.

Any guy with half a brains will by now have realized he is walking into a "child support abscondance" lawsuit. If the mother were to sue this person and slap a paternity test, no court in the country can contest her.

Whicn confirms my theory that none of this is true.
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:29 PM
18,266 posts, read 23,399,178 times
Reputation: 34100
did you name him sue???
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:19 PM
4,102 posts, read 3,744,072 times
Reputation: 11219
You still don't get it. You OWE this woman. You abandoned a young woman whom you impregnated, and abandoned your child. Pay her NOW, not after you're dead! You're already twenty years overdue on the child support! While you were enjoying yourself during your forties and fifties, she spent her twenties and thirties working THREE jobs to raise your son. Imagine how you spent your twenties and thirties. Now imagine having spent them working eighty or more hours a week at low wage jobs because you couldn't finish your education because you were also raising a son who was suffering because he didn't have a father. Don't ask her what she needs. Don't ask him what he needs. You're just trying to use money as a hook to reel them into a relationship with you. PAY HER!!!! If she had filed for child support the day he was born, you would probably now owe her over a quarter of a million dollars.

As for the young man, yes, it would be appropriate to make him the exclusive beneficiary of your will. He was your financial responsibility, and you abandoned him. Your brother and nephews were not your financial responsibility. It would also be appropriate for you to transfer a substantial amount of money to him now, without asking him to tell you what he needs. It's true, money cannot make up for having abandoned him, but the only thing you can give him to make up for it, is money. That's how we compensate injured parties in this country.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:34 PM
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,229 posts, read 4,186,152 times
Reputation: 11585
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I had thought about it already but don't know how to approach it. I currently have my brother and nephews in my will. I wouldn't know how to divide it with a fourth beneficiary.
Woah! You're starting to do it again.... (starting to think of yourself, again). You're thinking you might still be able to turn to brother and nephews, if you need them, so why not keep them in the will, since you won't be getting anything out of your Son.

Come on... You KNOW that's what's going on in your subconscious.

You know darn well an attorney can draft a will leaving your Son HALF of what you own. That's the fair MINIMUM, in my humble opinion. Beyond that, a life insurance policy with him as beneficiary, and a TRUST (so that if you're wiped-out by a long terminal illness, or sued, his inheritance won't be touched - or if you become even more selfish in your old age...) are good ideas.
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:07 PM
3,723 posts, read 4,577,178 times
Reputation: 4746
Originally Posted by savoytruffle View Post
I doubt anyone here is surprised by his reaction. You deserve it, honestly. If his mother really told him the whole story then he knows you wanted him aborted. I don't think I could forgive a parent who wanted to do that.

I don't think it was the greatest idea to offer him money. He sees that as a way of resolving your own guilt. You should have said that if he wanted then you could always talk again. But only if you actually want that.

Obviously the lack of your presence in his life hurt him deeply. It seems like you will leave him alone now though so that's good.
I hope no parent would tell their child that under any circumstance. It's bad enough to know one of your parents didn't want you and they walked away. Hopefully she didn't tell their son.
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:37 PM
793 posts, read 1,283,124 times
Reputation: 1144
Who amoung us hasn't done something we regret? You're not the first man to do this, and you won't be the last.

We all make mistakes and it sounds like you have owned up to this one. At least you are trying to do the right thing now. That's a lot more than most people. I hope when things calm down that you and your son get to know each other. Maybe even have some type of friendship with the mother.

I wish you well!
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Old 12-11-2013, 09:09 PM
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,623,457 times
Reputation: 14868
Why do I have the feeling that if your son had not looked like you, we would all not be having this conversation? Feels like you might just want a younger mirror. Would you have been so interested if he had looked more like his mother?
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:19 PM
16,769 posts, read 14,426,665 times
Reputation: 37785
Originally Posted by Duchamp Dude View Post
Sheeple, all of you are being played seriously here by a story/plot writer practicing his work.

I mentioned before this is the plot-line of a Bollywood movie and many movies around the world especially in cultures which are patriarchal - middle eastern movie industry and some central Asian movie industries.

Young man living liquor, money and women.

Knocks one woman up, and this woman somehow happens to be in love with this "heartthrob".

Dude rejects and throws the woman away.

Young mother hardships. Son grows up angry and mother teaches him well. Lot of Bollywood strength songs here.

Fast forward 20 years. Strong young man grows up into an adult man.

Father re-enters the scene. Miraculously sights son. I mean, what are the one billion chances??

Father and son get acquainted using letters or friends or postcards.

Father and son meet. Rivetting and heart-wrenching dialogue where the mother's virtues and hardships are extolled. Father begs and apologizes. Finally family unites. All forgive all and the movie ends in a family dance sequence

On top of all this throw a little starlet into the mix (son's girlfriend) for some sizzle.

Really? Look at the detail of the messages and the descriptive narratives. Does not sound like a real father in pain.

You people are ridiculous.
In other words, this is just another Indian Guy Issue?

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