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I have no plans to remarry. I am in a healthy relationship that has been going on for a few years.
People are always asking "When are you getting married?" I say, "We aren't. We aren't interested in being married."
Somehow this does not compute. The conversation often veers into pity ("You poor thing! You need to find a man who values you enough to marry you!") which I find absurd. Sometimes this comes from colleagues with a different cultural background who can't understand why a woman would not want to be married. Other times it comes from people who are unhappy in their own marriages and yet will advocate for me to enter another marriage anyway.
I am the one making decisions about my life. Period. I have decided not to get married again, no matter what. My partner would be willing to get married if I wanted to, but knows that I feel strongly that I don't want to. We are happy the way things are. But yet, some people can't believe or understand that, even in 2013.
Anyone else have this sort of experience? How do you handle it?
Because people are not raised to want to be alone and therefore can't be alone themselves and can't understand that other people can and it's not the worst thing in the universe.
Maybe it's because I'm only a very young adult, but I don't know too many people who think negatively of the choice that you've made. Especially since you've been through marriage already.
I only have an issue when a person's philosophy about not getting married comes from a place of misogyny (or misandry, I suppose, but I haven't encountered that), like in the so-called "Men's Rights" movement. Those people shun marriage because they believe all women are evil harpies out to stomp on a man's independence, divorce him a few years later, and take everything he's worth + the kids when the marriage is over. Obviously, I'm not okay with that sort of thinking because of its misguided sweeping generalizations.
Because society dictates certain "rules and regulations" and you refuse to follow them.
How dare you?
For centuries women were valued only as an "addition (attachment?)" to their husbands.
Women were not able/allowed to work and support themselves and the only way to survive was to get married.
Time passed, but the "you must be married" mentality remained.
Good for you for breaking the stereotype and realizing that a piece of paper does not make marriage.
I think that it is because society as well as family have geared people towards marriage. I have been married and divorced and would love to be married again. I think my SO would be fine just being together without marriage but that is not how I feel.
I think it has a lot to do with how I was raised. He was raised the same way but has never been married, so I think after all of these years, it doesn't feel as important to him. I think my religious beliefs come into play as well.
Marriage is a purely legal and economic arrangement. IMO, it has nothing to do with feels because you can have all the feels you want without marriage. I am married, but we married primarily for the legal benefits, not for commitment. Already had that a long time ago.
I don't care what other people do with their lives.
While there are some matters of debts, estates that sort of thing. (Watch Judge Judy) which can cause problems at some point I see no reason to feel obligated to get married.
People who say those things are saying them out of their own personal perspectives. It really has zippo to do with YOU, so don't take it so seriously.
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