Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have my own theories, but I'd like to hear yours. When I got divorced, it was my sister who kicked me when I was down. We haven't spoken in 15 years or so unless it was for her to scream at me. When my dad died, the two closest people to me were both cruel to me both during his dying and when he died. And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
So, why are people like this? It hasn't happened only to me, rather I've seen it happen to others too. What gives?
I have my own theories, but I'd like to hear yours. When I got divorced, it was my sister who kicked me when I was down. We haven't spoken in 15 years or so unless it was for her to scream at me. When my dad died, the two closest people to me were both cruel to me both during his dying and when he died. And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
So, why are people like this? It hasn't happened only to me, rather I've seen it happen to others too. What gives?
Case in point - my friend's FIL was dying from a stoke and on hospice. So my friend gets this brilliant idea to write a hate letter during this time and send it to each member of the family - including his wife and it was her father who was dying. I had to ask him if he needed to go to the psych ward and talk him out of it. So clearly it goes beyond "because we allow them to."
I believe that asking "why" results in more drama. More importantly, it can lead to "allowing" people to kick you while you are down. The reason for this is that when you ask why, it often means that you were caught by surprise. It often means that you know not what you are doing and that you don't know the people around you.
You have to know what you are doing and you have to know the people around you. You shouldn't be surprised by their actions. If you are, then you have been oblivious to your actions and forgetful of the reactions of others.
I have always believed that asking "why" results in more drama. More importantly, it can lead to "allowing" people to kick you while you are down. The reason for this is that when you ask why, it often means that you were caught by surprise. It often means that you know not what you are doing and that you don't know the people around you.
You have to know what you are doing and you have to know the people around you. You shouldn't be surprised by their actions. If you are, then you have been oblivious to your actions and forgetful of the reactions of others.
Sorry, but when caught off guard by what I deem to be cruel or mentally unhealthy reactions, there will always be a why for me. It's not drama. It's my personality. One's father only dies once in a lifetime. How is one to know how others will react? It's a first time deal.
As far as knowing the people around you? Welcome to the world of liars, cheaters, thieves, those living double lives, etc. Certainly I hope you do not blame the victim for this stuff.
And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
I don't think that's really "kicking you when you're down". That sounds more like this person didn't know how to handle or be supportive of something so traumatic in your life so they avoided you. They're called fair-weather friends - they don't mean any harm, they just run away from things they don't know how to deal with. It hurts but that's not really their intent.
But I guess people kick you when you're down for the same reasons people bully. For some messed up reason, it makes them feel good, superior, stronger, etc when it's actually very cowardly.
If these people are only bad to you when you are going through a crisis, could it be that you might be a little more hyper-sensitive during those difficult times and you're just taking things a little too much to heart? They probably aren't going out of their way to be rude or inconsiderate, they were probably that way all along, but you only notice it during times when you are in need of consolation or just a compassionate ear.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I will have a better answer in a bit.
