Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP, did you ever answer about what the no shows excuses were? Was anyone sick? Had to work? Didn't the wives give a reason? Do you see these men frequently during the year? Like, if you see them every week at the kid's ball games, maybe they feel as though they have nothing left to say? Or, maybe the guys enjoy you, but don't like someone else that goes to the party.
I fail to see why anyone wouldn't attend a party, once a year, that was a tradition, but if it happens again I would stop knocking myself out to have this party.
We had friends who had two huge parties every year, for about 10 years. It was a coveted invitation to a family Christmas Party, and an adults only summer party. New people were added, and nobody was ever dropped. Both parties stopped abruptly with no explanation. Former guests were asking each other if they'd gotten invited to the party, thinking they'd been dropped. The hosts never said, but I got the feeling that part of the reason was that we guests started to take the invitation for granted and either showed up late or not at all or stopped on the way to something else. I bet if you skipped your party next year, the guests would stop taking it for granted.
Oh forget it I missed this post. There is booze involved. Sorry to hear that.
Next time if you are going to allow families, I'd make it family friendly. That might help attendance. I'd never have brought our son to a
boozer party. Now I see why there was such a lack of respect for you
SERIOUSLY? Your kids are never around when alcohol is served? The OP said it was at least 8 guys with 1 bottle of scotch over the course of several hours. Most people I know are very responsible drinkers. I hardly think having a couple of drinks over several hours, having plenty of food available is something to protect your kids from. I think kids NEED to see what responsible drinking looks like. To make it all mysterious is more likely to make your kids be the ones who start experimenting when they're way too young. I grew up with alcohol freely available at family parties and I hardly drink at all, and it's not because I saw too many drunk people. I don't remember EVER seeing anyone drunk til I went to college.
Oh forget it I missed this post. There is booze involved. Sorry to hear that.
Next time if you are going to allow families, I'd make it family friendly. That might help attendance. I'd never have brought our son to a
boozer party. Now I see why there was such a lack of respect for you
A "boozer" party with one bottle of scotch shared between a dozen people? You cannot be serious, that is nowhere near a "boozer" party. Every gathering I have ever been to has had some sort of adult beverage, even if it is just beer that a guest brought themselves or a bottle of wine for the host or a bottle of champagne.
Original poster: Perhaps the men were sick, out of town for work or had already made plans to be somewhere else on the day of the gathering at your home. It could also be they are bored after 6 years of the same thing. Perhaps the next gathering you have make it a pot luck type gathering or have it at a different time of year at a park or a camping trip. Just something different where everyone can bring something to the gathering and you can play softball or basketball or soccer or horseshoes and the kids can run around the park until they collapse. Then sit around the camp fire wrapped in blankets while the kids settle in to sleep and the adults can enjoy some time to visit.
I can relate.
For the last 20+ years, my husband and I would host, actually used to host a 4th of July party for at least 30 people. It was an annual tradition to come to my house and after having it so long, every year, everyone just assumed I'd have it anyway. I'd give a time to come and ask people to rsvp so I knew how much food and drinks to have. Some would rsvp, others wouldn't. Some didn't show at all even after rsvp'ing or showed up late, or left early because they were invited to other parties too.
It finally dawned on me that people were just taking my party for granted.... so we stopped having it.
You and I both know how much time, money and effort goes into hosting a party and when people start treating your party like it's no big deal whether they show up or not because you're going to have it anyway, it's time to reevaluate the guest list and weed out those who don't respect how much effort goes into hosting them.
I can relate.
For the last 20+ years, my husband and I would host, actually used to host a 4th of July party for at least 30 people. It was an annual tradition to come to my house and after having it so long, every year, everyone just assumed I'd have it anyway. I'd give a time to come and ask people to rsvp so I knew how much food and drinks to have. Some would rsvp, others wouldn't. Some didn't show at all even after rsvp'ing or showed up late, or left early because they were invited to other parties too.
It finally dawned on me that people were just taking my party for granted.... so we stopped having it.
You and I both know how much time, money and effort goes into hosting a party and when people start treating your party like it's no big deal whether they show up or not because you're going to have it anyway, it's time to reevaluate the guest list and weed out those who don't respect how much effort goes into hosting them.
Boom. thanks for this and to everyone else who commented.
Spoke to the wife already who, although she didn't experience it the same way I did, agreed that morphing the invite list is probably a good idea at a minimum.
A "boozer" party with one bottle of scotch shared between a dozen people? You cannot be serious, that is nowhere near a "boozer" party. Every gathering I have ever been to has had some sort of adult beverage, even if it is just beer that a guest brought themselves or a bottle of wine for the host or a bottle of champagne. .
Some years it was wine! Imagine 10 guys getting hammered on ONE bottle of wine!?
There is a reason so many guys went missing this year and I think the OP wants to know what that might be without confronting his friends. I didn't see the OP's post as a simple rant against poor etiquette but more a question of what happened. Nothing to say to the rant but "sorry this happened to you" however the theories and our personal experience may be helpful to the OP for the future of this party or not. Personally I got the sense that the "tradition" was meaningful to the OP but was more "obligation" on the part of the adult male invitees. Shrug. I could be wrong.
.
this is good, thanks. It is indeed why I posted.
Given that 'change is constant' I think the original idea of why we have this party obviously has changed as well into something more casual and less of a tradition.
Wife and I more or less agreed we're going to run with that and adjust accordingly, with the invite list and our expectations.
(I'm also going to be a little more of a stickler about RSVPs...but that's topic for another post )
elhelmete nothing stays the same love. I've been hosting an annual Halloween party for over ten years now. It used to be full of high octane shorties running through the house. There can be any where from 35-70 people each year. Talk about hard to plan for. This last year there were about 37 people and very few kids. It was a nice change for me because I actually got to visit with my friends. I also had some girls spending the night with us for the weekend. We had an after party get together for about 12 people the day after Halloween to clean up the left overs. Sadly I think next year will be the end of the Halloween parties. As everything runs it's course in time. Almost all of the kids are teenagers now and off in different directions. I'm looking forward to having the month of October free to do some fun things. I haven't had that in over ten years now. Your annual New Years Eve party will wax and wane. People get sick or want to accept other invitations. Just enjoy the company of the people who do show up. I'm sure it was still fun for you and the people who were there.
the comments about boozer party are cracking me up. There is no reason why you can't be responsible adults with alcohol at a party that your kids are also at. In my area, there are a lot of kid parties that are actually kid bday parties with a bit of wine or beer if the adults want to have a drink. No big deal unless you make it one. I actually think it's good for my kids to see us have a glass of wine with dinner, or make a margarita for a guest. It's not like anyone is getting drunk and barfing in our yard!
OP, did you ever answer about what the no shows excuses were? Was anyone sick? Had to work? Didn't the wives give a reason? Do you see these men frequently during the year? Like, if you see them every week at the kid's ball games, maybe they feel as though they have nothing left to say? Or, maybe the guys enjoy you, but don't like someone else that goes to the party.
I fail to see why anyone wouldn't attend a party, once a year, that was a tradition, but if it happens again I would stop knocking myself out to have this party.
We had friends who had two huge parties every year, for about 10 years. It was a coveted invitation to a family Christmas Party, and an adults only summer party. New people were added, and nobody was ever dropped. Both parties stopped abruptly with no explanation. Former guests were asking each other if they'd gotten invited to the party, thinking they'd been dropped. The hosts never said, but I got the feeling that part of the reason was that we guests started to take the invitation for granted and either showed up late or not at all or stopped on the way to something else. I bet if you skipped your party next year, the guests would stop taking it for granted.
This would be my guess as to what has happened. My husband and I have a party every year. It was a huge deal at one point, but now people take it for granted. Many people don't RSVP, people will RSVP and not show up, etc. The party is a lot of work for me and I've been tired of it for a few years now. Luckily, I think last year was the last one and we won't be doing it anymore
OP, I would take a year off and see what happens. If no one asks about the party, then there's your answer. If people ask, say you're taking a break until next year and see how that party goes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
thanks for this and to everyone else who commented.
)
