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We host a family party after New Years every year for, oh, maybe the past 6 years. Definitely qualifies as a tradition by now. Lots of food and drink, fun for kids, and it's always been a nice family time. My wife and I know how to host!
Same core group of families we've known for a while, all of us with kids. We have expanded the guest list some each year with no ill effects.
(We never have it on a big football day, FWIW)
This year, there were several couples who RSVP'd but only the wife and kid(s) ended up attending. So many so, that if I hadn't at the last minute invited some good work friends (all who came, all with spouses), I'd have been one of maybe 3 guys at my whole house.
Yes...I should almost certainly chalk it up to a random event. I know, I know. But for some reason it's bugging me beyond reason.
Maybe because it changed the tone of the party to more of a mommy+kid time?
Maybe because I/we worked our ass/es off to host the thing?
Maybe because the whole RSVP thing is so lame these days?
I really look forward to these parties each year, as it's nice to catch up with the other dads. Wife and I have plenty---possibly too much---separate time with our respective mom and dad friend groups.
I'm probably taking it way too personal.
Anyone relate?
Who knows? Maybe it's too crowded, too noisy or too much organized activity. As an adult, I've never appreciated being pressured into participating in games and activities I had no interest in. NFL playoff games and NCAA playoffs and bowls take up about five days a week in January, maybe you just missed part of the schedule. Maybe one or two of the people at the party have been intolerable boors so the easy way to avoid them is to stay home.
And maybe there's a certain egotism to be avoided in someone who is more concerned about the people who chose to stay home than the guests who came. Certainly I'd have a lot more interest in attending a party where someone other than the host made a point of telling the world that he and his wife know how to host!
Interesting...the more I reflect on it I think I might be bored with it too.
Yeah, I've had/have on going 'events' that I grew/am growing tired of, Christmas for example, with the ham, kielbasi, etc ... same thing every year. And I could see if I didn't see my family very often, but I see them all the time. Next year I'm just going to order pizza and strombolis for my Christmas guests.
Maybe you could consider taking a couple of years off and then switch up the theme of the party? Hell, my regular routine on Friday and Saturday nights is to drink a few beers and smoke a little weed before we go out to dinner or whatever we're doing ... I'm bored with it, so I'm taking three months off from imbibing.
I'm switching up the crowd for our quarterly pizza get togethers, too ... some of the faces are tired.
Last edited by Better Than You; 01-29-2015 at 06:06 PM..
SERIOUSLY? Your kids are never around when alcohol is served? The OP said it was at least 8 guys with 1 bottle of scotch over the course of several hours. Most people I know are very responsible drinkers. I hardly think having a couple of drinks over several hours, having plenty of food available is something to protect your kids from. I think kids NEED to see what responsible drinking looks like. To make it all mysterious is more likely to make your kids be the ones who start experimenting when they're way too young. I grew up with alcohol freely available at family parties and I hardly drink at all, and it's not because I saw too many drunk people. I don't remember EVER seeing anyone drunk til I went to college.
I am glad you hardly drink at all.
Yes, our 23y old son has never been around alcohol growing up. He went to a bar once at age 21, drank a pretty good amount, then called me to pick him up. Later told me "wow there is a bunch of loosers there" Mind you it was like 1am when I picked him up. He just has no interest in being around it, he's adopted our views which is no surprise since we raised him this way. I am sure there were maybe two other instances of drinking but it was light drinking. He did it a little...but not being raised around it and taught well, he just doesn't veer that way
We never put much emphasis on alcohol except our belief that to drug yourself for fun is a really stupid thing to do. There is no responsible way to drug yourself, so no, I wouldn't have some mis placed desire to deliberately put him around those who drug themselves less than others, for no good reason. Then call them responsible because they aren't as bad. That makes no sense to me.
So to answer you, we just never included those types of activities in our family life. BUT...it depends upon where you live and what is available. We are moving to an offgrid community eventually, there is one store which acts as a bar and post office, and restaurant to some degree. I can see now there isn't much else do... so can see how someone would end up drinking in that bar as just an excuse to sit and socialize. But overall, their shared love of recreation and what the area has to offer is amazing. So there are few drunks.
And our son is a non drinker. He's one class short of a BA in Physical Therapy. Very into health.
Instead of focusing on what is bad such as drugging yourself for no reason, or being in a situation where people are drugging themselves for fun, I say just go exercise instead. We lived near the American River and are serious cyclists. He's a runner. So to join those folks is much more expedient imho. It never occurred to me he would drug himself for fun, since he wasn't raised around it. And there could never be anything "responsible" about that.
With that, there are many things that I've done that is equally silly and rediculous. Or much worse i am sure. so it's not a judgement.
Last edited by CaliforniaGal1; 01-29-2015 at 10:13 PM..
I can't say how many, but too many people, have invited us to these boozer parties. Then I hear later, from a few different people...well after I've RSVP'd that this is the type of party it is. Which means they thought I was a Boozer or held to their values enough to tolerate it. Far from a compliment. So why bother to inform them we aren't coming? that person who invited us, imho, didn't think too high of us in the first place.
I often hear about the kind of party we've been invited to later... in the form of some warning. After two separate people tell me, whom do not know one another, it lends credibility. If it's one person, I may just ask the host if alcohol is involved. Then decline the invite. But I've certainly just pulled no shows when I find out the extent of the party.
My guess is many here would not label these parties as Boozer parties.
Last edited by CaliforniaGal1; 01-29-2015 at 09:49 PM..
A "boozer" party with one bottle of scotch shared between a dozen people?
I've never been a drinker but generally, from my experience, if alcohol is even allowed people tend to bring it with them
We are not drinkers yet people bring it to our home when we have a party. I just let them know i appreciate the thought but we don't drink alcohol or go around it. Then I suggest to either set it by the door or put it in their car. They usually go back out to their car.
Its never prevented anyone from coming back but the amount of booze which would've been involved is alot. And his words indicated he felt it was getting to family friendly, unless I misunderstood. A Mommy + Kid thing with him being the only Dad. That it ended up to this extreme from something else.
Again, I've seen very large bottles of hard liquor and it takes just one drink to become buzzed off hard liquor. But you're right, there could be alot more booze involved and if this is all it is, they probably aren;t getting really drunk.
It would surprise me if only one bottle of booze was involved, and if so, it would likely be a very large bottle. People are very good about bringing extra booze if they don't think there is enough to make everyone really tipsy. It's his party so I am just commenting upon one reason why someone may not have the respect to let hi know they aren't coming.
I've seen very large bottles of hard liquor and it takes just one drink to become buzzed off hard liquor. And being buzzed around children isn't good at all. But you're right, there could be alot more booze involved so if this is all it is, they probably aren't getting really drunk.
We host a family party after New Years every year for, oh, maybe the past 6 years. Definitely qualifies as a tradition by now. Lots of food and drink, fun for kids, and it's always been a nice family time. My wife and I know how to host!
Same core group of families we've known for a while, all of us with kids. We have expanded the guest list some each year with no ill effects.
(We never have it on a big football day, FWIW)
This year, there were several couples who RSVP'd but only the wife and kid(s) ended up attending. So many so, that if I hadn't at the last minute invited some good work friends (all who came, all with spouses), I'd have been one of maybe 3 guys at my whole house.
Yes...I should almost certainly chalk it up to a random event. I know, I know. But for some reason it's bugging me beyond reason.
Maybe because it changed the tone of the party to more of a mommy+kid time?
Maybe because I/we worked our ass/es off to host the thing?
Maybe because the whole RSVP thing is so lame these days?
I really look forward to these parties each year, as it's nice to catch up with the other dads. Wife and I have plenty---possibly too much---separate time with our respective mom and dad friend groups.
I'm probably taking it way too personal.
Anyone relate?
I just read this whole thread, and had to go back and re-read your OP.
I might be the weird duck here, but this does seem really weird. Beyond coincidence weird. I kept asking myself, what happened to the men last year?
Was there a female relative propositioning them all, or something?
I just don't believe in coincidences of this magnitude. I think something weird happened to the male members of your party last year.
I think somebody made them mad, or made them uncomfortable.
But, hey, we're all just guessing here. You need to figure out your boundaries and rules for if/when you do this again, regardless.
But, really, what happened last year? Inquiring minds want to know...
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