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Like how old is your friend? How long have they been married? Any kids, and if so, what are their ages?
If I was under 45 without any kids under age 15 or so, I would DEFINITELY want to know so that I could work on finding another person to be my mate who was worthy of my trust before I was any older. If that was not the case, though, I would not want to know, but would just hope that my spouse's "affair" would blow over.
However, in today's world, because of AIDS and the STD "epidemic", I think anyone who would have a casual affair is a certifiable idiot!
They say possession is 99% of the law. I wouldn't even want to know - if it was my husband, "cheating". If it is something serious for him - it will come up one way or another pretty soon. Will deal with it when and if it does come up.
If I was you, I would keep my mouth shut. If the lady would have seen you, then it would be a different story, I would feel obligated to say something if that was the case. I would confront her at a later time and ask her who the man she was having lunch with and explain to her that it did not look like a casual lunch between friends from your viewpoint. But, since she did not see you, I would stay clear from the situation.
You would think that saying something is the right thing to, correct?
In this case, let it run its course. Oddly enough, saying something won't make you look good.
I was in a similar situation before, asked a family member for advice..said he lost a good friend after telling him about his gf's infidelity. Even though it was the truth. I took his advice. Loves complicated.
I didn't tell my buddy about his girlfriend cheating and he found out anyways.
The big thing is being there for him/her afterwards.
I think it depends on the friend.
Yes, I have lost friends this way. One didn't believe it was true and the other was embarrassed that I knew. Neither one felt like I had done them a good turn.
Another friend I heard rumors about her husband, so I asked her what she would do if she found out about an infidelity. She said she wouldn't want to know.
Hey John! Saw Sue at _______ restaurant last night - her brother in town?
or something like that.
No need to mention being bugged or what they may have been doing....
Not a bad idea...I guess it depends on how intimate they were. But this is a good idea to keep it neutral while giving info. Then again, if he saw them making out...well more needs to be said, I think.
They say possession is 99% of the law. I wouldn't even want to know - if it was my husband, "cheating". If it is something serious for him - it will come up one way or another pretty soon. Will deal with it when and if it does come up.
Hopefully you find out before he cleans out all the bank accounts and most the belongings in the house. Or his potentially wackadoodle side piece shows up to let you know she's taking your man off your hands. Cheaters aren't exactly known for their integrity.
In this case, I would not consider it a great loss. They're either the type who "shoot the messenger," have misplaced anger, or they stay with/get back together with the cheater and that cheater wants you gone. Don't need friends like that.
This is the thing of would you want to know if your spouse was cheating you ?
When I found out my SO was cheating and everyone knew it was embarrassing. I thought why should I be embarrassed I've done nothing wrong. So I had him send a letter to all our friends with him taking the responsibility and being accountable for his actions. Expressing in the letter how he made a mistake and was embarrassed. It was his burden to carry not mine.
I felt better that the truth was out, however, overall he was not a good guy. Funny how years later karma has a way of coming around, he contacted me to tell me he was involved with someone that had been cheating on him for awhile and left him for this guy.
OP - perhaps send a note to your friend anonymously briefly stating what you saw that day. This way you're letting your friend know, he probably already knows something isn't quite right.
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
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I would tell my friend if I was in a situation like that, however I do agree w/ some of the others and explaining what I saw and let them fill in the blanks.
If my friend saw my hubby out w/ someone I would want them to tell me. (In fact I started a thread similar to this the other day because my friend is cheating on her husband for a year, and she kept it from everyone because she knew we would tell him since she cheated in the past. Guilt caught up to her - but that doesn't happen to everyone.)
Your friend deserves to know the truth, the sooner they know the less it will hurt.
I was at lunch and saw a friend's wife at lunch with a man who was not her husband. They seemed rather intimate. Snuggly & kissing, having some drinks with their food. They didn't see me. Should I tell him?
If he saw your wife out with another man, you'd want him to tell you, wouldn't you?
Or think of it this way: if your friend saw your wife with another man and didn't tell you, and you found about it later, you'd feel betrayed by both your wife AND your "friend."
If you don't tell him, you're not really his friend.
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