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Man... reading all of this makes me so happy that I have a fiance who just wants to elope and have a party, not an actual wedding. Can't imagine all of the planning that goes into this.
Too many brides get so enveloped in the "perfection" of their wedding that they don't take consideration of the parties involved, what they can afford, etc. And yes, it's sickening. But I've been to a few very understated weddings, too, where it was obvious that money was a consideration for all.
Ask anyone that has been married for 30 or 40 years when was the last time they saw a non relative member of their bridal party. I have been in a lot of weddings and haven't seen any of the other members or bridal couple for decades. Friendships change and most won't see the friends they had in their 20's. So I wouldn't worry about saying no, unless they were in your wedding and had to shell out the big bucks. Then you are obligated with no excuses.
None of these things are new. I heard the same things in the 70's.
i'm done with weddings. i will be a bridesmaid, once again, in July of this year. this will be my 5th time being in a wedding party. i'm so frustrated with the extravagant costs that people want you to spend. i'm honestly starting to build some resentment about it. i was just told i need to chip in 200$ for the bridal shower... then i have to get the dress (about $200), alterations for the dress (prob $100) hair & makeup ($100), a shower gift, and then an actual gift for the wedding. bachelorette party will prob be around 200$ as well. don't forget the hotel too (prob $200/night). probably will top at about $1,000. which has been the same for the other 4 weddings i was in as well.
i know i know, i didn't have to say yes to being a bridesmaid. but the alternative of saying no would probably be a lot worse... "why doesn't she want to be a bridesmaid" "i can't believe you said no" "i can't believe you wouldn't partake in his/her special day". anyway, i just needed to vent. why can't people just have a low key party and you give a gift and then be done with it? i especially hate when people tell me "it will be your turn one day". NO! i plan on going to get the marriage license and then that's it. maybe the party will consist of a nice dinner where me and my boyfriend pay for everything. i would never expect people to pay for anything just because i decide to spend the rest of my life with someone.
anyone else? i'm considering saying no to the bachelorette party to cut costs.
I honestly don't understand why the bride and groom pay for everything else EXCEPT for their attendants! Sure, gifts are pretty much expected but to have to pay for dress, shoes, AND makeup...plus 2 or 3 EVENTS on top of that is ridiculous I know it doesn't help you but if the bride wants all that then she should be expected to pay - that should not be a freebie! Back in the day it was a fairly simple dress and maybe shoes, but the makeup and 3 other events to go to (usually with travel expense and gifts) is too much.
I'm really glad my daughter was frugal. She had a casual wedding. The bridesmaids' dresses were from Old Navy and only $35! Needless to say, her bridesmaids were very happy!
I'm sure it was fun, relaxed and that everyone both looked good, and most important - enjoyed themselves!
This makes no sense. Why would someone pay thousands of dollars to host a wedding, in order to get some gifts that would probably be equal (or possibly less than) what they spent on their wedding?
The trick is to invite rich people who will not come. Keeps your cost down but when they decline, they usually send a gift anyway.
They have wedding packages which include the makeup, dresses, adjustments, shoes, and suits. That's what we did for our wedding. It only makes sense since all of that should be uniform.
OP, although I've never been in your situation, I hear ya. I can also afford it, but can't imagine putting out $1000 for a wedding.
I have two close friends from h.s., all of us now married and all of us were bridesmaids for each other. We each did things a little differently, in the end mostly good, maybe a couple things that weren't ideal. None of us are big spenders and one is especially frugal (she has >5 kids) so not going overboard was an important consideration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lbjen
Outside of America, couples pay for ALL the costs of the wedding, which includes the bridal party's outfits, shoes, hair, travel etc. I couldn't believe it when I learned that bridesmaids are expected to shell out so much to be in someone else's wedding here! I had 3 bridesmaids and a maid of honor, they all had to travel, one from overseas, we paid for it all and we weren't exactly rolling in it. My friends (everyone who attended) graciously paid for the bachelorette party but I would have paid if they had not offered. There were no 'shower gifts' either. You get one gift, at the actual wedding!
Oh and we pay for our baby stuff ourselves too! Baby showers are crazy here!
I have a theory about this, that applies even beyond weddings. There seems to be an increasing amount of effort these days in the U.S. to outsource expenses and risk to customers, employees, friends, etc. Whether it's 401(k)'s, having employees park company vehicles on their own property and being responsible for any damage, "parties" that turn out to be potlucks and "bring a dish" affairs, etc.... it's all about figuring out how to have all the benefits of an event/product/etc while minimizing the adverse elements for oneself.
IME, for truly good friends, people suck it up and pay. I know I did. I had one bridesmaid who complained about costs, even though she didn't throw me a shower, I didn't have a bachelorette party, and I got the dresses on clearance. Meanwhile, she had no trouble spending on other things. I see it from both sides. The only way I would say no is if it really wasn't a good friend, and/or I felt like she was just trying to fill spots with bodies.
If they are truly good friends, it is insane to expect them to fund your delusions of bridal grandeur.
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