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One thing that does make it hurt is the constant bombardment from TV that this is the way life is suppose to be.
When the show is about people being single, I am all into it. When the show changes to them getting married and having a family, however, my interest wanes.
It may be not have been a major reason why I gave up on TV...but it is probably down there somewhere.
I never really thought about a connection with what we watch. I am the opposite. I have zero interest in singles shows. I want the sappy romance stories or a love connection. If none exist, I won't watch it.
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:
- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
If you don't want those things then why would you be sad? That makes no sense! If you truly didn't want those things then it wouldn't bother you! Might want to re-evaluate!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
This is true, but sometimes there ARE people who do have everything, and they ARE happy. It is not good to envy--someone on here once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy".
I just find it easier to detach myself from being around people who got all the goodies I wanted and was not able to have. I don't begrudge them their goodies, but I really have nothing in common with them.
That is what I have been doing. Their happiness gets nauseating after a while while I struggle to just get dates. If you can put up with that, you are a better person than I am.
In my case, definitely not. If I wanted those things I would change my mindset and try harder to achieve them. As is, I see no value in them and don't even consider the possibility.
I have always seen people talk about "relationship goals" a lot. No couple will be my relationship goals because you never know what's going on behind closed doors.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne
So, do you think your insistence on not wanting certain things could be a defense mechanism against not being able to have them?
Marriage and children are certainly not for everyone. But just make sure you aren't being a prisoner to your choices.
I kind of resent the fact the marriage decision is kind of made for me since I can't get a date anyway. I would still pass anyway but having it made for me with my lack of dating luck sucks.
Well I almost got married but she died.. Not sure if it'll happen again because I am not open to dating at all. It wouldn't bother me if it didn't happen..
Speaking as a woman, I wouldn't mind getting married, but I made the choice a long time ago to not have kids. Do I feel like I've missed out on the happiness others have had. Heck no, not even close. I just always wished I had more money to do the things I wanted to do. So many women have looked down their noses at me because I was so much poorer than they were, simply because they had gotten married and I didn't. Even my mom thinks I could have done better with my life and by that, she means I could have gotten married and be on husbandfare the rest of my life like she was. Sorry, not even.
I grew up with the traditional family in a traditional neighborhood and believe me, it's not all peaches and cream. I think being wrapped up in all those traditions and "milestones" and being a SAHM would have strangled me. I wish my life had been better, but I'm pretty sure if I had turned my life in THAT direction, that would definitely NOT have been an improvement.
I'll take the misery of my current life over any life I might have had as a mother and housewife, I don't care how happy those people tell me they are.
I had my first child at 41 years old - its never too late
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