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People don't like it its their personal problem. You don't sound mean at all. I'm blunt too its a learned behavior for me to defend against bullies. Best of luck and keep your chin up.
Yeah but with someone you hardly know... You can come as an ass. Don't be that person.
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Originally Posted by Cida
Not quite sure what to say. If it really bothered you, you would have changed long ago. People will usually only call you "sassy" and "deadpan" if you're funny. You don't mention being funny, so my guess is that you really do come off as mean. It would have been easier to try to answer if you had been clearer. I mean, if you try to be smiling and accommodating, and mostly keep quiet, in what way do people perceive you as mean?
But "mean" has nothing to do with being "smaller." Since you're lucky that sometimes people tell you to your face, you've had opportunities to ask, "Why do you say that? What part do you think is mean?" In other words, you could have tried for self-analysis, but apparently didn't. If so many people are saying it - and it's not something that most people say lightly - it's may be true, whether you "know" it or not.
But it's possible that you just have the bad luck to be among very bland people, and you have strong opinions, so that you seem abrasive. Another possibility is that you don't express yourself well, so that you phrase something tactlessly. It's the difference between saying, "Wow, Mary is FAT" versus "I'm sorry to see that it looks as if Mary is gaining weight." Maybe you need to start by finding some new people?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly
I forgot to mention that yes, people have also called me funny. People have actually called me a lot of things: genuine, funny, down to earth, sassy, selfish, mean, hilarious, sexy, b*tch, smart, genius, dumb, crazy, cute, silly, ridiculous, retarded, ahole, weird, difficult, a pill... I forgot to include everything else people have called me and as you can see, it's a range of things. So maybe there might have been some negative things people have called me, but I have also been called pleasant things many times as well. I must have been thrown off with the word "mean" because it's something my family called me so maybe that resonates louder than any of the other adjectives. I have never been called boring though so I think that stands for something.
As for the guy, when he asked me to help him do his laundry I said "I'm not your mother". Maybe it came off as harsh but I don't want any guy to think I'm going to clean up after him.
But I see you didn't respond to anything else in my reply.
Perhaps it's your tone. One can say "I'm not your mother" in a tone of impatience and annoyance. Or one can say it with a smile and a teasing poke in the ribs.
I forgot to mention that yes, people have also called me funny. People have actually called me a lot of things: genuine, funny, down to earth, sassy, selfish, mean, hilarious, sexy, b*tch, smart, genius, dumb, crazy, cute, silly, ridiculous, retarded, ahole, weird, difficult, a pill... I forgot to include everything else people have called me and as you can see, it's a range of things.
You sure know a lot of judgmental people in your life. I know plenty of rude people in my life, and it's just the way they are, and I've never said any of those negative words to their face. No one likes to be judged badly.
You sure know a lot of judgmental people in your life. I know plenty of rude people in my life, and it's just the way they are, and I've never said any of those negative words to their face. No one likes to be judged badly.
Actually, I do. My dad and a couple of my ex-childhood friends are incredibly judgmental. Can't get rid of my dad but glad I'm not friends with those people anymore. Just ran into a quote from Prince. Something like whatever people say about you is a reflection of them. If Prince says it then it must be true.
I forgot to mention that yes, people have also called me funny. People have actually called me a lot of things: genuine, funny, down to earth, sassy, selfish, mean, hilarious, sexy, b*tch, smart, genius, dumb, crazy, cute, silly, ridiculous, retarded, ahole, weird, difficult, a pill... I forgot to include everything else people have called me and as you can see, it's a range of things. So maybe there might have been some negative things people have called me, but I have also been called pleasant things many times as well. I must have been thrown off with the word "mean" because it's something my family called me so maybe that resonates louder than any of the other adjectives. I have never been called boring though so I think that stands for something.
As for the guy, when he asked me to help him do his laundry I said "I'm not your mother". Maybe it came off as harsh but I don't want any guy to think I'm going to clean up after him.
Its about having tact when speaking to people. And especially when you don't know them or aren't on a real 'cool, buddy' level. Even if you can't help yourself and feel it is necessary to tell them something try to take them aside privately( that can be done over the phone or electronically like email, a DM on social media or just in a private corner or room) and tell them, let's say as an example, that they smell bad or something.
Part of the dislike to you could also be if you say the statement's publicly. If it's said around others that person will feel you were being mean to them on purpose.
I can be really frank at times too but my tone, volume and maybe even timing does wonders with people.
The things you can get away with when you say a frank comment nicely. Lol. It's true
My daughter said I was rude to a salesperson tonight simply because I refused to give her my email address when checking out! I just said, "I'd rather not" and she kept on pressing and I just kept repeating "I'd rather not." I don't consider that rude, do you guys?
My daughter said I was rude to a salesperson tonight simply because I refused to give her my email address when checking out! I just said, "I'd rather not" and she kept on pressing and I just kept repeating "I'd rather not." I don't consider that rude, do you guys?
Not rude at all. But it goes to show how millennials (assuming she is one) "think" as compared to their parents. My kids have told me I'm rude in similar situations. I once told the cashier at a local fast food joint could I have some "fresher fries" and my daughter said "dad, that was rude". I was like "huh?!"
Not rude at all. But it goes to show how millennials (assuming she is one) "think" as compared to their parents. My kids have told me I'm rude in similar situations. I once told the cashier at a local fast food joint could I have some "fresher fries" and my daughter said "dad, that was rude". I was like "huh?!"
Imagine having the rest of your peers like that, making you feel like if you don't like something and speak up it's "rude". Smh
My daughter said I was rude to a salesperson tonight simply because I refused to give her my email address when checking out! I just said, "I'd rather not" and she kept on pressing and I just kept repeating "I'd rather not." I don't consider that rude, do you guys?
I think it probably depends on the tone you used. I hate that stuff too, but the cashier doesn't have a choice.
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