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Hubby and I have had some large unexpected expenses come up and are revamping our budget very carefully. We have friends and family who sometimes suggest going out to eat or to expensive events that just aren’t in our budget right now. What are some good phrases to use to say “that’s too expensive” without revealing our financial challenges or sounding like we’re constantly poor-mouthing everything?
One of my belly dancing sisters just said that they need to watch every dime if they were going to save up for a vacation they wanted go on. Hence, the reason why she wasn't at this workshop, part of that special event troupe.
Personally, while eating out at the Chinese Buffet is fun, I do control myself by looking at that $13-15 bill and saying that such is half the cost of a brisket.......which will provide DAYS of fun eating.
Finally, we all ought to remember that "Life is expensive!".
You simply say "It's not in my budget right now." Clear and straight forward. If they still push after you say this I'd reconsider my friendship with someone who wants to see you go into debt.
There are many seniors in my apartment complex and about 20 of us meet in the clubhouse for coffee and chit chat . . . which is very enjoyable.
However, I'm the only one on a very strict budget and must decline the many social activities they plan throughout the month. When they choose a location to visit it invariably will include either lunch or dinner and the restaurants they prefer are too expensive for me.
Most are very understanding when I decline to join in; however, there's one who insists on pushing and prodding to get me to attend. . . eventually I just do my best to avoid her as much as possible.
I've suggested low cost places to eat but they turn up their noses and aren't interested.
I think it's fine to say, "You know, I'm going to decline because I have other financial priorities at the moment. Thank your for the invitation. Perhaps we could meet for coffee (or I could host a potluck, etc.) on __insert date__." Most of us have been there at one time or another and will understand, and it's quite possible that there's someone else on a budget in the group who will breathe a silent sigh of relief. Also, keep an eye out for free or low-cost cultural activities in your community, and invite them to join you in attending. It will keep you connected to the group.
"We'd enjoy eating out together but as value investors we like better returns with our entertainment dollars. How about we dine at XYZ instead?" Or, "We'd love to see you but we're more comfortable at home. How about stopping by for barbecued burgers and dogs?"
Rarely has this approach resulted in a problem. If it does, we're probably not socially compatible anyway!
The twist in our case it that we have the money. And the reason we have the money is due to a lifetime of thrift. We've chosen not to spend it that way.
Seriously -- actual excuses give people a reason to call you out for doing something contrary. Think about it: If you say it's not in the budget, and then spend money on something they don't approve of.... Or you say you have 'specific plans' and they somehow find out you were doing something else....
Hubby and I have had some large unexpected expenses come up and are revamping our budget very carefully. We have friends and family who sometimes suggest going out to eat or to expensive events that just aren’t in our budget right now. What are some good phrases to use to say “that’s too expensive” without revealing our financial challenges or sounding like we’re constantly poor-mouthing everything?
I've never understood this "taboo" either. I struggle with it as well. My brother and his wife (who is from a seriously moneyed family) were visiting a few months ago and we all went out to dinner. They talked about doing a LOT of things I couldn't afford and could only dream of doing. They both have brand new vehicles and were talking about those, while I'm stuck driving a 97 ford focus that is slowly dying and I have no idea how I'll replace it. Yes, I'm a little envious of my brothers lifestyle, but still I try to be polite and do the smile and nod...but it's uncomfortable when he says things like "Why don't you just get a new....?".....because of the seeming taboo against basically openly saying "I'm poor...helllloooo" lol
Did you say hour and a half drive each way to see Auntie and you're dropping off the kids for the weekend? So that's (4) 1 1/2 hour trips costing about $50 in gas (assuming 90 miles each trip and 25 MPG). Even if it's half that, it's still a lot of TIME on your part to drop off the kids.
I would tell Auntie, since we're already paying so much in gas (and gas IS expensive nowadays), why don't we bring some breakfast to you and eat outside where it's nice. You don't have to go into any other drawn out explanation for Auntie.
If anyone else asks you out, tell them you're focused right now on living within your means and going out isn't in the budget. Potlucks are a great way to socialize. Make it a theme dinner (Taco Tuesday) and have fun with it!
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