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It took my grandparents 10 years to reconcile with my mother for marrying my dad (“wrong” ethnic group, “wrong” religion).
Her father’s exact words:”You are dead to me”.
Every holiday, my mom would mail them cards, only to see them refused & returned. If she called; they hung up on her. My birth announcement was returned. This didn’t deter her, though. She tried every holiday, year after year after year.
I was brought up to be sad for my grandparents, not angry. My mom never spoke disrespectfully about her parents. I remember seeing her crying with a smile on her face while watching the movie “Fiddler on the Roof”; where the father is singing the song “Tradition”.
My grandparents were immigrants, my grandmother never did learn English & they were doing things the only way they had ever seen. The traditional way for their culture. One way for me to upset my parents was to use the word “Hate” casually or about another human. Even “bad” humans. Hate, to them; was too powerful of a word & it wasn’t acceptable for me to hate or claim to hate; anybody. Hate= ignorance.
Despite my grandfather at one time threatening to pay a hit man to kill my father ... They did reconcile when I was 10 years old. My mother never looked back. Never complained, never spoke of it & there were no hard feelings rehashed over & over.
I’m not sure I could have carried myself quite so well, she set the bar pretty high.
You should be careful about anyone who is used to having others support his drinking, especially if you are an only child who would inherit from your parents. What are the chances of your child being an alcoholic also? You are letting yourself and child in for a lot of trouble so you should talk to a professional before you get any further involved. In time, I think you will see your father's wisdom and hopefully get back on track. There are many great guys out there without all that baggage.
Her father's wisdom?????? Her father has lost his daughter due to the color of the skin of her boyfriend and nothing more. The man believes that the races "should not mix", those sound like the words of Adolph Hitler. I suspect you have the same beliefs, why else would you call her racist father a man of wisdom? No Heidi her father's behavior is sickening.
Next we have posters suggest she should have found another man just to satisfy her parents. So just be clear the suggestion was to dump a man she loved all to satisfy racist parents.
I saw these just reading 2 pages of this long thread. I've seen enough. What is wrong with some of you people?
Last edited by DaveinMtAiry; 09-22-2018 at 06:36 AM..
Ohh let me answer! It was great! and indeed satisfying. Thanks for asking
Some of us actually LIKE our parents....Hows that for being rebellious against this new group coming into power who have worries of which nursing home to sock there Burdening parents into....Because its just so much easier to dismiss a parent then actually care at all what they think.
My parents gave me an ultimatum - ditch the father of my child in favor of their racism, or succumb to their encroachment of a personal right and get rid of a man I love. Just because I chose my fiance doesn't mean I don't care about them. I can't tell you how painful it was to see them in the street and for them to act like I never existed. They are my parents. They gave me life and I will always love them (hence the reason I am now talking to my mother).
However, I am an independent adult entitled to independent choices. I loathe racism, and I love my fiance. I refuse to ditch someone who I love solely on the basis of his skin color, in favor of racial hatred stemming from my parents. My mom is displaying remorse and a willingness to repair our relationship. I'm giving her a shot. However, my father is persistent on sulking in the corner and hanging onto his bigotry. He can go ahead. It's not my job to appease his racism through my choice of partner. That doesn't mean I don't like him. He made the choice. I see no reason why I should submit to racism.
My parents gave me an ultimatum - ditch the father of my child in favor of their racism, or succumb to their encroachment of a personal right and get rid of a man I love. Just because I chose my fiance doesn't mean I don't care about them. I can't tell you how painful it was to see them in the street and for them to act like I never existed. They are my parents. They gave me life and I will always love them (hence the reason I am now talking to my mother).
However, I am an independent adult entitled to independent choices. I loathe racism, and I love my fiance. I refuse to ditch someone who I love solely on the basis of his skin color, in favor of racial hatred stemming from my parents. My mom is displaying remorse and a willingness to repair our relationship. I'm giving her a shot. However, my father is persistent on sulking in the corner and hanging onto his bigotry. He can go ahead. It's not my job to appease his racism through my choice of partner. That doesn't mean I don't like him. He made the choice. I see no reason why I should submit to racism.
Was your love for your fiance spontaneous or was was it a result of your loathing of racism and wanting to show you were better than your racist parents?
Was your love for your fiance spontaneous or was was it a result of your loathing of racism and wanting to show you were better than your racist parents?
Did you fall and hit your head on the pavement before writing this post?
Was your love for your fiance spontaneous or was was it a result of your loathing of racism and wanting to show you were better than your racist parents?
Every man I had been with before my fiance had been white. There were some good ones and there were some bad ones. As it goes. I met my man when we were both at school and we hit it off. We fell for each other. Like I wrote in the original post, I did expect some resistance. But the type of resistance based on the unknown and not overt racism. Not the outright racism and rejection which occurred. They made the choice. Like I wrote before, I don't see why I should submit to their racism. I wouldn't agree to marry a man and bring a child into the world with him because I wanted to spite my parents. The time for that was in my teens. I'm getting married and having a child with this man because I want him and only him. I don't know why that is so hard to understand.
Every man I had been with before my fiance had been white. There were some good ones and there were some bad ones. As it goes. I met my man when we were both at school and we hit it off. We fell for each other. Like I wrote in the original post, I did expect some resistance. But the type of resistance based on the unknown and not overt racism. Not the outright racism and rejection which occurred. They made the choice. Like I wrote before, I don't see why I should submit to their racism. I wouldn't agree to marry a man and bring a child into the world with him because I wanted to spite my parents. The time for that was in my teens. I'm getting married and having a child with this man because I want him and only him. I don't know why that is so hard to understand.
Thank you for your reply. I wish you the best in a difficult situation. I agree with reaching out to mom as you see fit and hopefully dad will come to his senses.
Dad will never come to his senses, that should be clear. I agree it may be time to re-connect with mom, and I do find it interesting that the OP said she may actually leave Archie Bunker over this. But the child deserves to know his grandmother.
It took my grandparents 10 years to reconcile with my mother for marrying my dad (“wrong” ethnic group, “wrong” religion).
Her father’s exact words:”You are dead to me”.
Every holiday, my mom would mail them cards, only to see them refused & returned. If she called; they hung up on her. My birth announcement was returned. This didn’t deter her, though. She tried every holiday, year after year after year.
I was brought up to be sad for my grandparents, not angry. My mom never spoke disrespectfully about her parents. I remember seeing her crying with a smile on her face while watching the movie “Fiddler on the Roof”; where the father is singing the song “Tradition”.
My grandparents were immigrants, my grandmother never did learn English & they were doing things the only way they had ever seen. The traditional way for their culture. One way for me to upset my parents was to use the word “Hate” casually or about another human. Even “bad” humans. Hate, to them; was too powerful of a word & it wasn’t acceptable for me to hate or claim to hate; anybody. Hate= ignorance.
Despite my grandfather at one time threatening to pay a hit man to kill my father ... They did reconcile when I was 10 years old. My mother never looked back. Never complained, never spoke of it & there were no hard feelings rehashed over & over.
I’m not sure I could have carried myself quite so well, she set the bar pretty high.
Similar
My parents disowned me when I had my first baby. Right at his birth. Same as coschristi's mother I sent cards, letters, gifts, notices for 6 years and they were returned to me. I was hurt, I cried, but I never was angry. And I taught my children to understand that sometimes people make mistakes and it takes awhile to correct them. When my son was 6 and my daughter 2, my sister talked them into visiting and it was love at first sight with the grandchildren. My son went fishing with my father and my daughter played dolls with my mother. Today my grown children with families of their own have the deepest love for my side of the family.
My parents and I made peace. I had no axe to grind. They tried to work it out with my family. and they were wonderful grandparents (which is what it is all about if you look to the future and generations to come). Not saying I didn't keep an eye on my Mom especially, she could stir things up if I let her.
It all turned out good for the family. It is all about the children and their children. forgiveness and reconciliation
Good luck with your future.
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... They did reconcile when I was 10 years old. My mother never looked back. Never complained, never spoke of it & there were no hard feelings rehashed over & over.
