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Cold as ice. You're so righteous that you won't even try to understand your parents' concerns for your welfare based on their background and life experience. You also aren't even married- that probably concerns them as well- how incredibly backward of them.
This isn't the 1700s but it is a time when there is plenty of racism- ask any black or brown person. To deny this is to deny reality. You mention that your mixed race child will probably encounter issues, but yet you go ahead and condemn your child to potential issues. If my parents had done that to me, I would have loathed them.
But then all parents are required to have unconditional love no matter what their kids do- right? Let us know how that works with your own kids.
You think by describing a relationship as "disgusting and unnatural," my father had my welfare at heart? You really think this wasn't about his racism and that he was simply concerned for me? This is such a laughable attempt to justify your own agenda. I won't understand their "concerns about my welfare?" What concerns?! As soon as I showed them a picture of us and said who he was, they exploded, saying I should end it without giving me a chance to explain.
Even my own uncle (dad's brother) has had it out with my father over this. He's met my fiance and loves him. He thinks my dad is being an idiot. How can you claim they had my welfare at heart when they wouldn't even meet the man for themselves? How could they possibly have concerns about a person they don't even know? Oh wait, he's black, so he must fit a set, preconceived stereotype they harbor. They don't need to meet him because they already know.
Right, so because racism exists, mixed race children shouldn't be brought into the world? Where do we stop? Should we pause on having kids because they may face addiction, obesity, depression, etc? Sorry, but that is not an argument at all. I'm white and have faced many issues. We all face issues. That's life. The best a parent can do is prepare their child in the face hurdles. And how you come to the conclusion that I'm condemning my child to potential issues really is a mystery to me. I don't want them to face racism in my family - something I can control - but I know that there isn't much I can do about it when my child is out in the world. I had a good biracial friend when I was in college. There was no racism in her family (her parents made sure of that) but she experienced a bit of it when she left home and went out in the world. Did her parents "condemn" her, too? Were they supposed to stop the entire world from being racist? What this point is basically saying is that mixed race people should loathe their parents for bringing them in the world . . .
I'm the cold one? You think disowning your kid based on the fact that they love another person of a different race, is valid and is justifiable under "concerns?" Well if that is your brand of parenting and part of your moral compass as a human being, have at it. It will never be mine nor the same for hundreds of milions of people who aren't bigots. Like my parents, please stop hiding your own bigotry behind "valid concerns." I've experienced this tactic a million times before and I can smell it from a mile away.
The bottom line here is I was disowned because I loved a black, Nigerian man. No amount of spinning can erase that fact. You think my parents were in the right, that's fine. It's cool. We're all entitled to our opinion. But please, don't try so hard to justify it, because you end up making ridiculous points that have no basis in reality. Leave the spin doctoring to the professionals.
Last edited by autumnhaze; 09-20-2018 at 01:50 PM..
Cold as ice. You're so righteous that you won't even try to understand your parents' concerns for your welfare based on their background and life experience. You also aren't even married- that probably concerns them as well- how incredibly backward of them.
This isn't the 1700s but it is a time when there is plenty of racism- ask any black or brown person. To deny this is to deny reality. You mention that your mixed race child will probably encounter issues, but yet you go ahead and condemn your child to potential issues. If my parents had done that to me, I would have loathed them.
But then all parents are required to have unconditional love no matter what their kids do- right? Let us know how that works with your own kids.
wth are you smoking again?
My family has been "condemning" people to mixed race blood for a long time. My father is a Brasilian multiracial with African, Portuguese, and Indian roots. My mother is of Afro-Jamaican, Scottish, and Iroquois descent. My children are multiracial (my heritage plus half Mexican) and have experienced no issues whatsoever. I've dated and related with Whites, Blacks, Asian, and all combinations in between. If things had worked out with any of them, I'd procreate with them. Have been married a Tex-Mex for over 15 years (oldest kid is 12 ).
My family has been "condemning" people to mixed race blood for a long time. My father is a Brasilian multiracial with African, Portuguese, and Indian roots. My mother is of Afro-Jamaican, Scottish, and Iroquois descent. My children are multiracial (my heritage plus half Mexican) and have experienced no issues whatsoever. I've dated and related with Whites, Blacks, Asian, and all combinations in between. If things had worked out with any of them, I'd procreate with them. Have been married a Tex-Mex for over 15 years (oldest kid is 12 ).
Get with the program, pal.
I hope you and your family continue "condemning" for all eternity!
The skin is an organ. Wonder how other organs are judged.? Ask your dad that question.
Op- How important is his skin color to you? Some couples actually are drawn to the very thing that creates the strife. Rich folks fight over money ....successful ppl try to one up the other...
Same concept for some couples of different genetic ethnic.
Love is not color blind ...it actually embraces the assets and accepts the work in progress.
Your dad is a work in progress....
I can assure you even as parents we have a breaking point in what we will welcome.
Ridiculous. My friend who was so against the relationship has become educated with her feelings. She adores those twins, posts pics of them all the time, and loves her son'n'law.
your post was overboard assumptions
My brother's in-laws love him, even though he's Jewish. They claim to love me, despite saying horrifically anti-semitic things to me in the past.
They dote on their mixed-race grandson. They also refer to him as "the mulatto" and joke about how he prefers fried chicken and watermelon.
There's a big difference between love and becoming educated with their feelings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollytree
Cold as ice. You're so righteous that you won't even try to understand your parents' concerns for your welfare based on their background and life experience. You also aren't even married- that probably concerns them as well- how incredibly backward of them.
This isn't the 1700s but it is a time when there is plenty of racism- ask any black or brown person. To deny this is to deny reality. You mention that your mixed race child will probably encounter issues, but yet you go ahead and condemn your child to potential issues. If my parents had done that to me, I would have loathed them.
But then all parents are required to have unconditional love no matter what their kids do- right? Let us know how that works with your own kids.
Guess my parents never should have had children because of the discrimination we'd face as Jews. I suppose you condemn all people of color for reproducing then, right? After all, racism exists and people of color are "condemned to potential issues."
It's better odds for family happiness to reach back to your mother. Grandmas are essential. But it would be better for both of you to have some face time to iron it out.
I think a big part of your Dad's resistance is that your fiancee is getting the "milk for free" and his fear is that you are being used. It doesn't help much in getting his blessing for your relationship black or white.
I had 3 common-law relationships so I am not against you. But to be completely honest, when my young niece started living with her boyfriend, I found it strange that I was thinking she deserves better than living in "sin". My feelings are conflicted so in that way I can understand how your father might feel about it despite any racial issue.
It's better odds for family happiness to reach back to your mother. Grandmas are essential. But it would be better for both of you to have some face time to iron it out.
I think a big part of your Dad's resistance is that your fiancee is getting the "milk for free" and his fear is that you are being used. It doesn't help much in getting his blessing for your relationship black or white.
I had 3 common-law relationships so I am not against you. But to be completely honest, when my young niece started living with her boyfriend, I found it strange that I was thinking she deserves better than living in "sin". My feelings are conflicted so in that way I can understand how your father might feel about it despite any racial issue.
Why would you think that's the case?
Her father objected to the relationship 3 months in and based his objection on his belief that the mixing of races is "unnatural."
You should be careful about anyone who is used to having others support his drinking, especially if you are an only child who would inherit from your parents. What are the chances of your child being an alcoholic also? You are letting yourself and child in for a lot of trouble so you should talk to a professional before you get any further involved. In time, I think you will see your father's wisdom and hopefully get back on track. There are many great guys out there without all that baggage.
I have no idea what or who you are rambling on about.
You said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by PippySkiddles
Ridiculous. My friend who was so against the relationship has become educated with her feelings. She adores those twins, posts pics of them all the time, and loves her son'n'law.
your post was overboard assumptions
I was simply pointing out that racists can still love the people they hold prejudices against. My brother's in laws love both my brother and me. They still don't like Jews. They love their mixed race grandson and post pics of him all the time. They're still racist.
If you dislike someone because you are a racist, there is real work to be done to adjust your belief system and check your biases. It doesn't just happen.
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