He Assumed I Spoke "Asian" Because Of My Race! (member, person)
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Something about this situation just crossed my mind. Who looks for a reaction after they say "thank you" when you hold the door open for them? Usually when I thank someone after they hold the door open for me or vice versa, there is no acknowledgement. We just go our separate ways. Makes me think this guy wanted some kind of recognition for speaking in another language, which is pretty annoying in itself. This guy appears to be a douche, looking for a reaction from you.
I am not the person to tell you how you should feel about something. I get how it can be frustrating if it happened a lot. But if it's an isolated incident then that's all it is. I have it happen to me here in The USA. Like I wrote in an earlier post. When growing up in Sweden, I looked more Italian, Greek or Spanish. I had dark hair and hazel eyes and a more olive skin complexion. Here in the US I work in a hospital serving the poor and minority neighborhoods in Chicago. I see a lot of Mexican patients. They all assume I speak Spanish, but I don't . I had one lady get mad at me for not speaking Spanish to her. lol They don't even ask me, they just go up and start babbling. My blond and black coworkers don't experience the same as me.
This happens to my Arab friend who visits me in NYC. I live in a Queens neighborhood with a large Colombian population, and apparently my Arab friend appears Colombian to them, so he gets spoken to in Spanish now and again. He doesn't understand a word except maybe Hola, so he finds it kind of amusing.
We were surprised when it not only happened in my ethnic Queens neighborhood but also happened in Manhattan. If someone says "hola" to him, I believe he would reply 'hola' because why not Of course if they try to continue the conversation in Spanish, they won't have much luck.
I'm white and fair skinned and generally no one tries to speak any other language to me, except once or twice in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, when I was asked something in Polish, which is pretty common in that area. I never thought to be offended, though!
Yesterday I held the door for this white man and he said "Xie Xie" (Chinese for thank you) and then when I had no response and no reaction, he said "Arigato" (Japanese)
Now I don't speak either language, I was aware of those greetings as many people who don't speak the language do, as others understand "Bonjour" etc. But just because I was Asian, he ASSUMED that I spoke the language. I am Chinese-American but that does not necessarily mean I speak Chinese or any other languages, just based on my race.
THEN, when I had no reaction again, he said "Are you Filipino"?!
I said "No I am not and you have been wrong!"
This is almost an opposite situation from the recent run ins I've had where I felt race was a trigger for encounters with rude strangers, in that this man "meant well" but "Thanks" would've sufficed, this is California 2018 after all. But the assumption about language ability and THEN ethnicity (with multiple failed attempts) just screamed ignorance.
It's not cute that just because you know 1 greeting in language X you use it on someone who you THINK comes from that country X.
Oh and this is not the 1st time something like this has happened
I suppose you have to figure out yourself why this bothers you. Is it because you felt he saw you as a foreigner?
I don't agree or disagree with "feelings" because feelings are neither right nor wrong. If you are bothered by this, I certainly won't tell you that you shouldn't. This said, for your own emotional well being, I think "letting go" seems to be a good approach. After all, intention is everything. I doubt the person who said that to you meant to "insult" you. I think he meant well.
I suppose you have to figure out yourself why this bothers you. Is it because you felt he saw you as a foreigner?
I don't agree or disagree with "feelings" because feelings are neither right nor wrong. If you are bothered by this, I certainly won't tell you that you shouldn't. This said, for your own emotional well being, I think "letting go" seems to be a good approach. After all, intention is everything. I doubt the person who said that to you meant to "insult" you. I think he meant well.
*sigh* another person who doesn't get it.
I didn't bother reading all the comments but no doubt there were some voicing opinions like yours.
Here's the problem:
White people in the USA (or Canada, Australia or New Zealand) never get asked their ethnicity or language or country of origin unless they have strong accents. People just assume they are American (or Canadian etc).
The USA, Canada, Australia and NZ are New World nations built on immigration. Unlike Germany, Kenya, Japan, India or other Old World nations, they do not have a racial identity, or a link between race and culture. Their cultures are tied to nationality, and nationality alone.
You do not assume a person's nationality by their race in these countries, unless they volunteer such information to you or they are clearly foreign (foreign country passports in their possession, etc.). Race is NOT an indicator of where a person is from, whether white or not.
If you or other "good-intentioned" people want to start asking questions about race/ethnicity, then please do it to white people too. Do it to everyone. There is nothing that bugs me more than a hypocrite. Treat everyone the same way. If you want to be inquisitive in a "well-intentioned" way, do it to everyone, period.
Something about this situation just crossed my mind. Who looks for a reaction after they say "thank you" when you hold the door open for them? Usually when I thank someone after they hold the door open for me or vice versa, there is no acknowledgement. We just go our separate ways. Makes me think this guy wanted some kind of recognition for speaking in another language, which is pretty annoying in itself. This guy appears to be a douche, looking for a reaction from you.
Yes. After he walked thru the door, he waited for a reaction, and when there was none from "Xie Xie", he quickly said "Arigato", As I walked AWAY he then mentioned "Filipino?" Not malicious but annoying indeed. Perhaps I should've flipped the bird..hey that's something EVERYONE understands
Conversely, there are those who go to foreign countries and they learn a greeting or 2 and use it there, thinking it's cute, that it may break the ice, showing willingness to "immerse". It just compels the native speaker at the host country to respond in English (if they know it) or just ignore you (or laugh at you), b/c chances are you ain't pronouncing it right anyway, just butchering the language- even if it's just a phrase
I didn't bother reading all the comments but no doubt there were some voicing opinions like yours.
Here's the problem:
White people in the USA (or Canada, Australia or New Zealand) never get asked their ethnicity or language or country of origin unless they have strong accents. People just assume they are American (or Canadian etc).
The USA, Canada, Australia and NZ are New World nations built on immigration. Unlike Germany, Kenya, Japan, India or other Old World nations, they do not have a racial identity, or a link between race and culture. Their cultures are tied to nationality, and nationality alone.
You do not assume a person's nationality by their race in these countries, unless they volunteer such information to you or they are clearly foreign (foreign country passports in their possession, etc.). Race is NOT an indicator of where a person is from, whether white or not.
If you or other "good-intentioned" people want to start asking questions about race/ethnicity, then please do it to white people too. Do it to everyone. There is nothing that bugs me more than a hypocrite. Treat everyone the same way. If you want to be inquisitive in a "well-intentioned" way, do it to everyone, period.
Yeah, sigh seems to be a good response to YOUR post. I have no idea what i don't "get". This is not a great debate, this is about non-romantic relationship.
NO ONE is saying this op should not be offended, I certainly did not say that. Matter of fact, I said, for HIS OWN emotional well being, letting this go seems to be a good approach because this stranger did not mean to insult him. Are we debating whether or not the stranger's behavior was appropriate? If so, I would say that this thread belongs to the "great debate" or even "politic and other controversy" category.
Hey, if you have a better response or solution, feel free to share.
If the op is only looking for validation, then fine. His feeling should be validated. Feelings are feelings, they are neither right nor wrong. But I thought he was looking for a better way to handle the situation. Maybe I was wrong. Since he chose to post in non-romantic relationship, then I believe my response is a good one. Agree or not, it is up to the op.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 11-28-2018 at 10:48 PM..
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