He Assumed I Spoke "Asian" Because Of My Race! (father, boyfriend)

[krosser100]

Originally Posted by redplum33

Edited to add: From what I recall, you kept referring to yourself as a "meek Asian" and insisting the nudge wouldn't have happened to a person from the ghetto. It sounded to me like it had nothing to do with you being Asian. Meek seemed to be the key word, .

I used meek in quotation mark as it is a common stereotype of Asians (perhaps I appear as one as I'm 5'7/ 123 lbs but not by nature)

[AnOrdinaryCitizen]

Yeah, in this day and age, 21st century, 2018, there are still many ignorant, racist, sexist people.

In your case, you could have said to that man: "I'm impressed that you can speak some Chinese and Japanese. Did you learn that from your friends or school? Can you speak those languages fluently or just a few words?" He might feel embarrassed because of hearing you spoke English fluently with no accent, and could recognize that he either thought you could not speak English or he was ignorant and arrogant.

[AnOrdinaryCitizen]

Any meek people, no matter what country, want to work in America, or actually anywhere in the world nowadays, feeling being meek is a disadvantage (and that is true), want to change your character, read the book "Sophia of Silicon Valley". It's very funny, you can have some good laugh and learn a few great points from it.

[lilyflower3191981]

As for “racist”, again, it has been scraped against so many targets that it has lost any ability to cut. Think of some of the things now preposterously labelled racist.

If everyone is a racist, then no-one is a racist.

In all fairness, op is not the one who called the stranger racist, several other posters did. I do wonder however what op is trying to accomplish. Chances are the stranger did not even know op was offended.

Keep in mind, 26 pages of comments started with a stranger said Thank you in Chinese to a person who appeared to look Asian. Did he say, "Go back to China?" No, he said "Thank you" in Chinese. Something is telling me the stranger just wanted to be a little nicer, but some of you guys have to use the words arrogant, racist, annoying, presumptuous, etc, etc, etc.

As a mixed German/Japanese girl who actually had a relative interned during ww2 (and my relative looked NOTHING like an Asian, by the way lol) I must say, I shook my head when I read some of these comments. Some of you seriously acted like drama queens

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981

As for “racist”, again, it has been scraped against so many targets that it has lost any ability to cut. Think of some of the things now preposterously labelled racist.

If everyone is a racist, then no-one is a racist.

In all fairness, op is not the one who called the stranger racist, several other posters did. I do wonder however what op is trying to accomplish. Chances are the stranger did not even know op was offended.

Keep in mind, 26 pages of comments started with a stranger said Thank you in Chinese to a person who appeared to look Asian. Something is telling me the stranger just wanted to be a little nicer, but some of you guys have to use the words arrogant, racist, annoying, presumptuous, etc, etc, etc.

As a mixed German/Japanese girl who actually had a relative interned during ww2 (and my relative looked NOTHING like an Asian, by the way lol) I must say, I shook my head when I read some of these comments. Some of you seriously acted like drama queens

Agreed. My husband now considers himself a racist by some of the modern day definitions, and keeps telling people he is racist.

I keep telling him that disliking everyone and thinking the worst is not racist. Dysfunctional? Yes. Racist? No.

Context is probably needed: no one agrees with him that he is racist... He is very un PC, and friends and family all know that...

[don1945]

I've been thinking about this thread a little, since it was posted. I think the bottom line is, we humans have forgotten how to communicate with each other and things like pleasantries. We are so engrossed in our little smart phones and computers that we have lost the ability to look someone in the eye and actually TALK.

The man who was trying to speak other languages to the OP was probably just trying to show some interest in him and wanted to break the ice. Any more, if someone tries to talk to us, we are leery of their intentions and afraid to actually interact as just two people.

I really miss the old days, when people could sit down at a table, regardless of their backgrounds, and actually speak to one another.

[krosser100]

Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981

In all fairness, op is not the one who called the stranger racist, several other posters did. I do wonder however what op is trying to accomplish. Chances are the stranger did not even know op was offended.

Keep in mind, 26 pages of comments started with a stranger said Thank you in Chinese to a person who appeared to look Asian. Did he say, "Go back to China?" No, he said "Thank you" in Chinese. Something is telling me the stranger just wanted to be a little nicer, but some of you guys have to use the words arrogant, racist, annoying, presumptuous, etc, etc, etc.

I brought up the incident as an example of how people-of-color are often perceived as perpetual foreigners (in my case although 3rd gen Asn-American) and to just not make assumptions

Over the years one gets tired of "What kind of Asian are you" "Are you XX or XX?" and so on, plus many times "Are you mixed" (I'm not) and then told "Oh I meant it as a compliment"

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by don1945

Any more, if someone tries to talk to us, we are leery of their intentions and afraid to actually interact as just two people.

.

If we could ALL just read the above.. So well said.

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by krosser100

I brought up the incident as an example of how people-of-color are often perceived as perpetual foreigners (in my case although 3rd gen Asn-American) and to just not make assumptions

Over the years one gets tired of "What kind of Asian are you" "Are you XX or XX?" and so on, plus many times "Are you mixed" (I'm not) and then told "Oh I meant it as a compliment" (with underlying prejudices in saying that)

well, then please stay offended. <shrug>

There is really nothing else to say.

Hopefully, everybody in the world has read this thread and they all understand the point you are making. lol

Lesson number one, speak only English to Asians in America.

I shared a story earlier, funny nobody has commented on it, so I need to tell it again.

I saw a white guy asking an Asian woman "Excuse me, Can you speak Chinese" in the mall once. The Asian woman acted like she has just been violated or attacked. She answered very angrily, "I was born in California, plus, I have a boyfriend already."

Turned out, the white gentleman is a doctor, and he just wanted somebody translating for him because a Chinese lady with limited English skills needed some medical attention.

My own uncle used to be a doctor without borders. He is white, and many people have asked him questions like, "Are you American? Are you French, etc, etc, etc" People just wanted to get to know him because he was NICE, that is all. sheesh

[coschristi]

Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot

When I was younger people thought I was south European. Nobody would guess I was actually Swedish because of my complexion. I used to be offended. Now, looking back I see it as a sign of insecurity on my end. In Op's case, he actually is of East Asian heritage...right? Maybe he could have just corrected the guy instead of acting offended. Looking like you are Chinese, Japanese is not a bad thing so stop acting like it's somehow racist to assume so. And for many of us, we can't even tell the difference between them as far as looks go. And that's ok. lol

Yeah, the bolded sentence stood out to me. My mom was first-generation American born & English was her second language but she had been estranged from her family since before I was born. My dad is of Scot/Irish/Northern European descent (which is why she was disowned) & some branches of his family immigrated here in the 1600's ... I wasn't exposed to the language spoken by those who's DNA I had inherited until I was 10 years old.

My younger sister ended up marrying "back into" the Greek community but I did not, so as a result; I was the only Greek person in my immediate family who did not speak Greek. At every event & gathering, everybody assumed I spoke Greek & I was & still am; the odd man out. It's awkward & embarrassing but I legitimately feel bad for having passed on opportunities to have learned the language (My mom, my grandparents & one aunt have passed away).

I do use the correct Greek pronunciation of words that have been "incorporated" into the typical American accent, such as; "Gyros" in Greek is pronounced "Yee-ros" & this alone has resulted in someone answering in Greek when I was ordering food.

At every family gathering for the longest time, I had one great-aunt who knew about as much English as I did Greek but she was an extremely upbeat, gregarious person who could not help but want to engage people & our attempts at conversation usually resulted in us both dissolving into giggles. Apparently; laughter is a universal language. My sister's MIL would "forget" in between occasions that I didn't speak Greek & that would usually result in everybody else giggling as they translated; as she would yell at me from her wheelchair: "You must speak Greek! How will you ever hear the voices of your ancestors, who will guide you throughout your life; if you don't speak Greek?!" Hoo-boy.