He Assumed I Spoke "Asian" Because Of My Race! (house, business)
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I’m half Asian/half White and have never been to Asia, but it wouldn’t bother me if someone thought I was fluent in another language. I speak limited Chinese (Mandarin) that my grandma taught me over the years, and I like to practice.
My wife gets this all the time, mostly from other Chinese. It doesn't bother her much, except to the extent that she doesn't suffer fools very comfortably, and it always seems to create awkward moments while the other person stands there grinning and awaiting some sort of compliment on their linguistic genius. Even though neither of us have any idea what was just said. And they always seem just shocked that she wasn't born speaking Mandarin. When we eat at Chinese restaurants, the staff in the kitchen sometimes stares out at us through the little round window in the door, as though we're martians, or playing a practical joke on them because I'm using chopsticks and she's just digging in with a fork.
When a non-Asian does it, it is a little irritating, because total strangers are making silly assumptions about you. All the people who chastise her for being annoyed... if you were black, and some stranger walked up to you and said, "Sawubona unjani?" or "Sawa, unafanyaje?", and then stood there grinning and waiting for you to pat him his pointy little head, wouldn't you be annoyed? Or "Hej hur mår du?" if you were blonde, blue-eyed, and fair-skinned? Or "Ciao, come stai?" if they found out your last name is Salvini? I think most people at least find that bizarre.
Is it the worst thing that's going to happen to you all day? No, of course not. But the OP never said it was. Just mentioned that it happens, and that it's annoying. So what?
I've been thinking about this thread a little, since it was posted. I think the bottom line is, we humans have forgotten how to communicate with each other and things like pleasantries. We are so engrossed in our little smart phones and computers that we have lost the ability to look someone in the eye and actually TALK.
The man who was trying to speak other languages to the OP was probably just trying to show some interest in him and wanted to break the ice. Any more, if someone tries to talk to us, we are leery of their intentions and afraid to actually interact as just two people.
I really miss the old days, when people could sit down at a table, regardless of their backgrounds, and actually speak to one another.
I hear you. I see us speak less and less with each other but I think this situation is not that one. I am married to a Hispanic man and yet I am the one who is a 2nd generation American and his family has been here much longer. He looks "different" and as such he gets asked where he is from, "what he is" all the time and I do not because I look "white". So it may seem politeness and it might be an attempt at politeness but if we analyze that our curiosity can be intrusive to others and notice patterns we can see the issue.
Because my family is more recently from the "olsd countries" and I was born int ehe north of the US, there people of European descent ask each other back a few generations ago, what is your nationality? They know their backgrounds and discuss it, so I did that for awhile stubbornly trying to hold onto that habit when I met everyone but if someone does not know me and does not know I am married to a Hispanic yet, I can come off as rude asking people of color or the less popular term minority, my curious questions-so I stopped.
Meanwhile, in the interest of we humans have forgotten how to communicate with each other, I recently was sitting at a table with another patron in a coffee shop and I asked him a question and he asked why I was asking and I said "because we are at the same table" and he answered. So I try a bit, some places folks are friendly, less so others.
"I really miss the old days, when people could sit down at a table, regardless of their backgrounds, and actually speak to one another.[" You still can but try topics other than appearance or ethnic related to begin with, if they are reading a book, ask them about the book. If they are wearing high tops ask where they go them, etc. Don't make them feel "other" by asking about the wrong thing.
It is sort of like women always getting asked about their looks or getting complements-it is an old way that is no longer ok to do. Asking minorities about things you are curious about because they are exotic to you, or related to their appearance is dated.
I’m half Asian/half White and have never been to Asia, but it wouldn’t bother me if someone thought I was fluent in another language. I speak limited Chinese (Mandarin) that my grandma taught me over the years, and I like to practice.
This is one of my favorite comedians. He's of Korean descent but grew up in East TN so you can imagine the hilarious stuff he's encountered over the years:
Where's the OP? Last Activity: 03-06-2019 09:58 AM
I was busy spending time in London and New York.
Not too long ago I had a stranger ask me what my ethnicity was, if I was "mixed".
I replied, "not mixed". They responded "Oh I meant it as a compliment"
Yesterday I held the door for this white man and he said "Xie Xie" (Chinese for thank you) and then when I had no response and no reaction, he said "Arigato" (Japanese)
Now I don't speak either language, I was aware of those greetings as many people who don't speak the language do, as others understand "Bonjour" etc. But just because I was Asian, he ASSUMED that I spoke the language. I am Chinese-American but that does not necessarily mean I speak Chinese or any other languages, just based on my race.
THEN, when I had no reaction again, he said "Are you Filipino"?!
I said "No I am not and you have been wrong!"
This is almost an opposite situation from the recent run ins I've had where I felt race was a trigger for encounters with rude strangers, in that this man "meant well" but "Thanks" would've sufficed, this is California 2018 after all. But the assumption about language ability and THEN ethnicity (with multiple failed attempts) just screamed ignorance.
It's not cute that just because you know 1 greeting in language X you use it on someone who you THINK comes from that country X.
Oh and this is not the 1st time something like this has happened
I agree, why the rage. Just reply back in Chinese since you know simple greetings or better yet reply back in any language you know the word for your welcome.
A man from church who is Japanese American (part Japanese) had someone ask him if he spoke Spanish assuming he was Latino. At least they got your heritage correct.
Yesterday I held the door for this white man and he said "Xie Xie" (Chinese for thank you) and then when I had no response and no reaction, he said "Arigato" (Japanese)
Now I don't speak either language, I was aware of those greetings as many people who don't speak the language do, as others understand "Bonjour" etc. But just because I was Asian, he ASSUMED that I spoke the language. I am Chinese-American but that does not necessarily mean I speak Chinese or any other languages, just based on my race.
THEN, when I had no reaction again, he said "Are you Filipino"?!
I said "No I am not and you have been wrong!"
This is almost an opposite situation from the recent run ins I've had where I felt race was a trigger for encounters with rude strangers, in that this man "meant well" but "Thanks" would've sufficed, this is California 2018 after all. But the assumption about language ability and THEN ethnicity (with multiple failed attempts) just screamed ignorance.
It's not cute that just because you know 1 greeting in language X you use it on someone who you THINK comes from that country X.
Oh and this is not the 1st time something like this has happened
So what? I really don't see the problem. Someone was trying to be nice, and you turned it into some kind of imaginary insult against you.
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