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Yesterday I held the door for this white man and he said "Xie Xie" (Chinese for thank you) and then when I had no response and no reaction, he said "Arigato" (Japanese)
Now I don't speak either language, I was aware of those greetings as many people who don't speak the language do, as others understand "Bonjour" etc. But just because I was Asian, he ASSUMED that I spoke the language. I am Chinese-American but that does not necessarily mean I speak Chinese or any other languages, just based on my race.
THEN, when I had no reaction again, he said "Are you Filipino"?!
I said "No I am not and you have been wrong!"
This is almost an opposite situation from the recent run ins I've had where I felt race was a trigger for encounters with rude strangers, in that this man "meant well" but "Thanks" would've sufficed, this is California 2018 after all. But the assumption about language ability and THEN ethnicity (with multiple failed attempts) just screamed ignorance.
It's not cute that just because you know 1 greeting in language X you use it on someone who you THINK comes from that country X.
Oh and this is not the 1st time something like this has happened
My daughter in law was born in Korea, and moved to the U.S. with her mother after the parents divorced. She grew up speaking only English. She recently traveled to Korea with her mother, and an older man came up to her and said something she obviously didn't understand. When he realized she only spoke English, he got all kinds of angry, and started yelling and berating her. I've had Hispanic friends travel to Mexico and receive the same treatment because they did not speak Spanish.
So, assuming someone speaks a certain language based on their appearance is a two way street, and certainly not limited to Americans.
Jesus, 22 pages just for a guy saying thank you in a different language and was curious about someone's ethnic background, can't believe this thread is still going
My daughter in law was born in Korea, and moved to the U.S. with her mother after the parents divorced. She grew up speaking only English. She recently traveled to Korea with her mother, and an older man came up to her and said something she obviously didn't understand. When he realized she only spoke English, he got all kinds of angry, and started yelling and berating her. I've had Hispanic friends travel to Mexico and receive the same treatment because they did not speak Spanish.
So, assuming someone speaks a certain language based on their appearance is a two way street, and certainly not limited to Americans.
But still, no one says "Tusen takk" to a Swedish-looking person in Minnesota, when they open the door for someone, or "Vielan Dank" to someone they think has Germanic features, who opens the door for them. No one assumes white people are foreigners or were foreign-born, or grew up speaking German at home (unless they're wearing Amish garb) or Norwegian or Greek, that's why that doesn't happen. In fact, some white people did grow up speaking their parental or grand-parental native language at home, but nobody else cares.
But still, no one says "Tusen takk" to a Swedish-looking person in Minnesota, when they open the door for someone, or "Vielan Dank" to someone they think has Germanic features, who opens the door for them. No one assumes white people are foreigners or were foreign-born, or grew up speaking German at home (unless they're wearing Amish garb) or Norwegian or Greek, that's why that doesn't happen. In fact, some white people did grow up speaking their parental or grand-parental native language at home, but nobody else cares.
well, the white supremacists crowd would not care if OP was born in Taiwan or Tennessee anyway. To them, if you were "Asian" then you don't belong.
The stranger might have committed some kind of social faux pas in your eyes, but let's not pretend he should be treated as a racist of some kind.
Everybody makes assumption of others, maybe the more difficult question to answer is this: "even if the stranger assumed OP was a foreigner, is it really a "crime"?" Are we suggesting foreigner = inferior ? I certainly don't believe so.
Maybe he thought op was an exchange student, a traveling businessman, etc. What really is the big deal here?
I am not going to tell others how to choose their battles, but honestly, seriously, the key of happiness is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 11-30-2018 at 05:40 PM..
In this particular incident, I did not say there was RACISM or malice. Ignorance, yes.
Ignorance just means incomprehension of, unawareness of, unconsciousness of, unfamiliarity with, inexperience with, lack of knowledge about, lack of information about...
So why would you be angry at this? Why do you expect others to know everything?
I feel like you're going to give yourself a stroke with all these over the top reactions to normal people.
well, the white supremacists crowd would not care if OP was born in Taiwan or Tennessee anyway. To them, if you were "Asian" then you don't belong.
The stranger might have committed some kind of social faux pas in your eyes, but let's not pretend he should be treated as a racist of some kind.
Everybody makes assumption of others, maybe the more difficult question to answer is this: "even if the stranger assumed OP was a foreigner, is it really a "crime"?" Are we suggesting foreigner = inferior ? I certainly don't believe so.
Maybe he thought op was an exchange student, a traveling businessman, etc. What really is the big deal here?
I am not going to tell others how to choose their battles, but honestly, seriously, the key of happiness is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.
I think the point is, that after living with Asians in America since the 1800's, people should know, that those who look Asian are Americans, too, and speak English.
It gets tiresome pretty fast to be treated as though you're "other", to be constantly reminded that "you're not one of us". Is it really too much to ask, to be considerate of our fellow citizens, and try to understand their perspective? I don't think so. East Asians have had enough of being treated like outsiders, what with Japanese internment camps, Asian exclusionary laws resulting in those "colorful" Chinatown ghettos, and other issues. When do they finally get to be treated like the Americans that they are? I would hope that our society has matured to the point, that it could show a level of sensitivity toward other groups, but instead of taking steps forward, many seem to be taking a giant step back. So much for maturing, I guess.
I think the point is, that after living with Asians in America since the 1800's, people should know that people who look Asian are Americans, too, and speak English.
It gets tiresome pretty fast to be treated as though you're "other", to be constantly reminded that "you're not one of us". Is it really too much to ask, to be considerate of our fellow citizens, and try to understand their perspective? I don't think so. East Asians have had enough of being treated like outsiders, what with Japanese internment camps, Asian exclusionary laws resulting in those "colorful" Chinatown ghettos, and other issues. When do they finally get to be treated like the Americans that they are? I would hope that our society has matured to the point, that it could show a level of sensitivity toward other groups, but instead of taking steps forward, many seem to be taking a giant step back. So much for maturing, I guess.
SO well articulated, if only more had this type of mindset/ sense of understanding
I think the point is, that after living with Asians in America since the 1800's, people should know, that those who look Asian are Americans, too, and speak English.
It gets tiresome pretty fast to be treated as though you're "other", to be constantly reminded that "you're not one of us". Is it really too much to ask, to be considerate of our fellow citizens, and try to understand their perspective? I don't think so. East Asians have had enough of being treated like outsiders, what with Japanese internment camps, Asian exclusionary laws resulting in those "colorful" Chinatown ghettos, and other issues. When do they finally get to be treated like the Americans that they are? I would hope that our society has matured to the point, that it could show a level of sensitivity toward other groups, but instead of taking steps forward, many seem to be taking a giant step back. So much for maturing, I guess.
well, how do you know "people" don't know those who look Asian could be Americans too? You can be an American who speaks another language.
It is obvious that OP "assumed" the stranger "assumed" he was a foreigner. This may or may not be the case. Maybe the stranger assumed OP could speak another language. Isn't that a compliment? Why choose to view it as an insult?
Maybe the stranger thought OP could speak another language, no more, no less. This does not mean the stranger believed OP did not belong. I have a Chinese-American friend who actually told me he could tell which "asian" is Asian-American and which Asian is an Asian from the Asian countries just by looking at their fashion styles. People make all kinds of assumptions, what is the big deal here?
Bottom line, You have a choice too. Choose to be angry, or choose to let go. The choice is yours to make.
I have to say, some of you do not need to blow this story out of proportion. A stranger said xie xie to a person who held a door for him, and you guys are now talking about internment camp and "colorful" Chinatown ghettos.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 11-30-2018 at 07:34 PM..
well, how do you know "people" don't know those who look Asian could be Americans too? You can be an American who speaks another language.
It is obvious that OP "assumed" the stranger "assumed" he was a foreigner. This may or may not be the case. Maybe the stranger assumed OP could speak another language. Isn't that a compliment? Why choose to view it as an insult?
Maybe the stranger thought OP could speak another language, no more, no less. This does not mean the stranger believed OP did not belong. I have a Chinese-American friend who actually told me he could tell which "asian" is Asian-American and which Asian is an Asian from the Asian countries just by looking at their fashion styles. People make all kinds of assumptions, what is the big deal here?
Bottom line, You have a choice too. Choose to be angry, or choose to let go. The choice is yours to make.
I have to say, some of you do not need to blow this story out of proportion. A stranger said xie xie to a person who held a door for him, and you guys are now talking about internment camp and "colorful" Chinatown ghettos.
My husband and I were always getting spoken to in Spanish by Mexicans when we lived in Texas and white people assumed my husband was Mexican. We just shrugged it off. Thing is we are both immigrants to the USA and will always be seen as other, and so what, this is what this country is made of. My granddaughter at 2 speaks Chinese and English . I’d hope she will grow up to have enough self confidence and enjoys her varied cultural heritage enough not to spend her life getting in a snit because someone wants to thank her in Chinese
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