Is this strange or am I making this more strange than it really is (meeting, aging)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I explained what I meant by safe... I meant safe as in, I didn't think we were ever going to meet, he said he didn't want a relationship so I didn't believe that he would have any romantic feelings for me, he knew my beliefs on sex, and he knew that I thought he was too young for me too. So safe=nothing is going to amount from this, so I didn't put much thought into a lot of things that I perhaps should have. That's all I meant.
It's not a weird relationship game???
I genuinely believed that we were phone buddies. The lmao wasn't appropriate, just by way of dealing with how strange this situation is to me.
Safe as in it was ok to have the type of online relationship that would be risky in real life? I don't know, I guess I'm having trouble understanding why you would think an online friendship would be safer/different than a relationship in person, that the rules would be different for the way you deal with those friends, like they aren't real people with real feelings. That's what I mean by a relationship game, like cat fishing.
Seems to me OP enjoyed the attention, looking at the long distance thing as a flimsy excuse not to take it seriously. She sounds rational enough that she on some level knew it was risky, but, again, attention.
Personally, I'd ghost him NOW.
You need to find a local guy and thoroughly vet him because you are a parent.
Him persisting even tho you are telling him you don't want to date him and your inner guide is telling you something is off kilter.
He/SHE could already be in your town.
Just sayin.
.
Seems to me OP enjoyed the attention, looking at the long distance thing as a flimsy excuse not to take it seriously. She sounds rational enough that she on some level knew it was risky, but, again, attention.
I've never had a friendship before with someone I've met from a website, I didn't realize that there was any "risk" involved, so no I didn't think it was risky at all--in fact as I've mentioned a few times, I believed that it was a "safe" situation, because it wasn't like we were ever going to meet up anyway, it was a phone friendship. And I took it seriously as a phone friendship, obviously, because I responded to him and spoke with him as often as I did. I didn't take it seriously as a romantic relationship, for all the reasons I've already mentioned. I did enjoy our friendship and our conversations.
Safe as in it was ok to have the type of online relationship that would be risky in real life? I don't know, I guess I'm having trouble understanding why you would think an online friendship would be safer/different than a relationship in person, that the rules would be different for the way you deal with those friends, like they aren't real people with real feelings. That's what I mean by a relationship game, like cat fishing.
Hmmm I think your misunderstanding me. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him. I believe I mentioned this already, but I'm dating guys locally where I live. I'm trying to find a husband, I'd like to have more kids. I even told this "phone buddy" about the dates I've had. Just so I'm clear too, I've never made a friend off of a website that I continued to talk offline, so I do feel bad about the way I handled this situation.
When I said "safe" I meant that I saw no reason that this phone friendship would lead to anything else basically, so saw no reason to pay attention to red-flags that I would have paid attention to, had the circumstances have been different. In other words, I thought we were on the same page. That's all.
On the contrary, people do it or think they do it all the time.
When a relationship involves only online/phone talking, it usually creates a speeded up/often intense sense of intimacy. The reason being you are always and only talking/sharing of yourself, sometimes deep and/or secret parts of yourself due to feeling safe with the anonymity.
Sometimes, this is a false sense of intimacy because its only based on what the person is telling you and you have no idea if they are telling the truth or creating some fantasy version of themself or their life.
In a real relationship, you do lots of other things...…….like eat a meal which cuts down on the amount of talking/sharing, watch a movie where you may say very little to each other for a couple hours, etc.
In a real relationship, the intimacy usually builds more slowly. And, people generally reveal themselves to each other more slowly as trust builds in the relationship.
Thank you for that explanation. Yall are making me feel even weirder about this situation.
I'm trying to wait it out until I see my therapist, but now I'm thinking that maybe I should ghost him, like it was already suggested.
Personally, I'd ghost him NOW.
You need to find a local guy and thoroughly vet him because you are a parent.
Him persisting even tho you are telling him you don't want to date him and your inner guide is telling you something is off kilter.
He/SHE could already be in your town.
Just sayin.
.
I am dating locally. He didn't persist in trying to date me ?? We've been friends this entire time. The only reason I created this thread, because it dawned on me that him coming out here to see me might not be on the basis of "friendship", I felt freaked out because when I started thinking about the "friendship" I realized that this was kind of weird, and that I was weird for engaging in it. So I felt weird. It never dawned on me about safety, or my child, or anything like that, until it was brought up in this thread, but now that it's been brought up, it's created anxiety.
I'm thinking about just ghosting him again, what's stopping me is that, I'm feeling guilt that he got the tickets, and I did like talking to him(like him as a person), so I'm just feel conflicted.
I did block him before(in my phone) for a few weeks in October, because I was going through a family situation and needed some space. I took him off block, when I saw that he had sent me all these emails, with screenshots of the text messages he'd sent me while he was on block. He was worried, so I texted him to let him know I was okay, and the communication started back up shortly after. When we started back talking, he mentioned to me that he was depressed during that month too, so I felt guilty that I had cut him off. And I feel like sh**** person now, because this situation is my fault for not establishing boundaries.
The more I think about it him mentioning sex with the other *cough*fictional*cough* woman just doesn't sit well with me. It's manipulative, and a weak attempt, at that, it's SO obvious. I'm not sure I'd want to be alone with this guy were I you, there's no telling how he might react when you turn him down (or how he might change if you didn't). Many a Dateline episode has started with such fun and innocence.
Not trying to frighten you, but just be careful. You're under no obligation to this guy, and the entire 'I slept with a girl and made her orgasm several times, hint hint' is a HUGE red flag for me. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I just find that goofy and rather telling where his character is concerned.
I am dating locally. He didn't persist in trying to date me ?? We've been friends this entire time. The only reason I created this thread, because it dawned on me that him coming out here to see me might not be on the basis of "friendship", I felt freaked out because when I started thinking about the "friendship" I realized that this was kind of weird, and that I was weird for engaging in it. So I felt weird. It never dawned on me about safety, or my child, or anything like that, until it was brought up in this thread, but now that it's been brought up, it's created anxiety.
I'm thinking about just ghosting him again, what's stopping me is that, I'm feeling guilt that he got the tickets, and I did like talking to him(like him as a person), so I'm just feel conflicted.
I did block him before(in my phone) for a few weeks in October, because I was going through a family situation and needed some space. I took him off block, when I saw that he had sent me all these emails, with screenshots of the text messages he'd sent me while he was on block. He was worried, so I texted him to let him know I was okay, and the communication started back up shortly after. When we started back talking, he mentioned to me that he was depressed during that month too, so I felt guilty that I had cut him off. And I feel like sh**** person now, because this situation is my fault for not establishing boundaries.
Again, manipulation.
Stop feeling bad. You feel apprehensive for a reason.
I'm thinking about just ghosting him again, what's stopping me is that, I'm feeling guilt that he got the tickets, and I did like talking to him(like him as a person), so I'm just feel conflicted.
Here's a solution. Tell him you've changed your mind, that you don't want to meet. Then offer to cover the cost of the tickets, since you acknowledge that he did clear the dates with you in advance and you said yes to the trip. So, what, you're out maybe $400 (or less, since he bought them in advance, nonrefundable from a cheapo website)? If you could pay $300 or $400 to make this situation go away entirely, would you?
One good thing about my suggested solution is that you could offer it at any time, including just the week before the trip. So you have time to check with your therapist to see if she agrees it makes sense.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
