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Some you you folks think the OP should just go around strutting and tap dancing with a big greasy smile on his face in the midst of everyone he meets.
I look at it like this: If people are going to be judgmental pricks, then I'm not gonna give them the time of day to allow me to become ruffled by it. If someone's nice to me, I'm extra nice back to them. Personally, I just don't bother to look at folks anymore, unless they speak to me. That way I can't be bothered with scowls, frowns, or any other dirty looks.
I'm not a judgemental person in general, and am fairly accepting.But i hate it when people look at me and get all vexed up and scornful. what the **** did i do to them? lol...Why do people look at others and have an expression of dislike? How can I make this go away?
You won't ever be able to stop people from looking at you...people are just naturally "people watchers" and it is all in how we perceive the "looks" we get that makes the difference. All kinds of people will stare or gawk at you for all kinds of reasons and none of them are valid because gawking in general is wrong. I have two sisters who "people watch" which is ok, but they will laugh or poke fun at them after the person has passed by. It totally irks me..hate that they do this and have told them so. Remember, if you read my post on liking people...I am a people liker....just find them unique.
Now, you are going to think I am too nicey, nicey but the next time you find a person gawking at you, no matter what the reason...smile and say hello. Nothing like calling the gawkers attention to the fact that they are gawking by smiling. Too say something to them like, "What the hell are you lookin' at"...that's confrontational and could lead to problem...however...how shocked would they be if you looked at them directly in THEIR eyes and smiled and said hello??? Another good one is "Can I help you with something"....then smile.
I have been gawked at...I think we all have and this is how I treat it..the reaction is priceless....Good luck and don't let the gawkers get to you!
Some you you folks think the OP should just go around strutting and tap dancing with a big greasy smile on his face in the midst of everyone he meets. I look at it like this: If people are going to be judgmental pricks, then I'm not gonna give them the time of day to allow me to become ruffled by it. If someone's nice to me, I'm extra nice back to them. Personally, I just don't bother to look at folks anymore, unless they speak to me. That way I can't be bothered with scowls, frowns, or any other dirty looks.
What makes you think that everyone who glances your way is staring at you with a scowl, frown or dirty look and how much does it physically hurt you?? No one thinks the OP should go strutting around tap dancing with a "huge greasy smile on his face". What I think people do feel and think is that the whole world is not out to persecute ANYONE with a scowl or dirty look and people who feel everyone is giving them dirty looks or scowls need to either figure out a way to handle this phobia or get professional help for it. I am not saying that there are not rude folks out there who will stare but why be confrontational with them or worse case scenario stop going out because you think they do stare, scowl or give dirty looks?
Put things in perspective....figure out what is the bigger problem beyond staring and scowling and then try not to be so angry about the nit wit who doesn't know any better than to stare...By the way, some folks are BORN with as mean look on their face, brows knitted together, lips turned down in a permanent scowl...how awful that must be and do you suppose someone like you will give them a nasty look back because they THINK this person is scowling at them???? It works both ways.
What makes you think that everyone who glances your way is staring at you with a scowl, frown or dirty look and how much does it physically hurt you?? No one thinks the OP should go strutting around tap dancing with a "huge greasy smile on his face". What I think people do feel and think is that the whole world is not out to persecute ANYONE with a scowl or dirty look and people who feel everyone is giving them dirty looks or scowls need to either figure out a way to handle this phobia or get professional help for it. I am not saying that there are not rude folks out there who will stare but why be confrontational with them or worse case scenario stop going out because you think they do stare, scowl or give dirty looks?
I have a right NOT to be scowled at in public. this is the way with everybody else. No one else goes into a shopping mall and has everybody look at them weird. Does this happen to you?
If anything it makes you (generically) look bad.
Quote:
Put things in perspective....figure out what is the bigger problem beyond staring and scowling and then try not to be so angry about the nit wit who doesn't know any better than to stare...By the way, some folks are BORN with as mean look on their face, brows knitted together, lips turned down in a permanent scowl...how awful that must be and do you suppose someone like you will give them a nasty look back because they THINK this person is scowling at them???? It works both ways.
You won't ever be able to stop people from looking at you...people are just naturally "people watchers" and it is all in how we perceive the "looks" we get that makes the difference. All kinds of people will stare or gawk at you for all kinds of reasons and none of them are valid because gawking in general is wrong. I have two sisters who "people watch" which is ok, but they will laugh or poke fun at them after the person has passed by. It totally irks me..hate that they do this and have told them so. Remember, if you read my post on liking people...I am a people liker....just find them unique.
Now, you are going to think I am too nicey, nicey but the next time you find a person gawking at you, no matter what the reason...smile and say hello. Nothing like calling the gawkers attention to the fact that they are gawking by smiling. Too say something to them like, "What the hell are you lookin' at"...that's confrontational and could lead to problem...however...how shocked would they be if you looked at them directly in THEIR eyes and smiled and said hello??? Another good one is "Can I help you with something"....then smile.
I have been gawked at...I think we all have and this is how I treat it..the reaction is priceless....Good luck and don't let the gawkers get to you!
oh yeah... somewhere around page 13 he said other people say he resembles biggie smalls.
Biggie smalls is a large overweight (or overweight looking) black man. if you are a large black man then guess what. white people will think you are dangerous and unfriendly UNLESS YOU SMILE at other people. This is because statistically, many black men are raised in violent circumstances. Fact of life.
so you're black, right. and you've got that "I dont want to SMILE because I'm NOT LIKE THAT" or something. Well guess what. If you want to fix your problem, you will have to start smiling. because most people in the world will assume: A large BLACK MAN who isn't acting friendly is a dangerous person. Fact of life!
And somewhere on the earlier pages he said, "I just want to be like those other college kids". Guess what. They are probably smiling, and being friendly, immediately. If they are not, then maybe they are not angry-looking-black-men so they don't have to be super smiling all the time.
BS. it's because of default. People look at them and think they are nice; just social ethics.
So anyway, regardless of what you "want to do", like you "dont want to smile" or whatever. If you want to fix yourself, you better start smiling and looking less intimidating.
BTW. One of my friends in LA was having a hard time chatting up girls in bars, because he was 250+ lbs out-of-shape football player. So he looked super intimidating all the time. Basically people were scared of him. Until he learned to be more friendly, basically smiling and laughing a lot. Then he became quite cool to hang out with. believe it or not he started dating one of the UCLA cheerleaders.. whew. If you're overweight you should lose some weight, it's healthier, and people prefer non-fat people around them, yup it's true, fact of life.
So on the one hand you say: "I wanna fix this, what do I do". Yet on the other hand some of your replies said: "I won't do that because why should I change?" Answer: you better change if you want to fix it, regardless of what you personally prefer. (years from now, you will probably learn that it was better to change, and to stay the same would have been stupid.)
Wow, I'm glad I grew up properly.
lol... So I should change to accomodate other people's prejudices/fears/insecurities?
Some you you folks think the OP should just go around strutting and tap dancing with a big greasy smile on his face in the midst of everyone he meets.
I look at it like this: If people are going to be judgmental pricks, then I'm not gonna give them the time of day to allow me to become ruffled by it. If someone's nice to me, I'm extra nice back to them. Personally, I just don't bother to look at folks anymore, unless they speak to me. That way I can't be bothered with scowls, frowns, or any other dirty looks.
Here we go... MrSykes had to bring racial prejudice into this with his references to tapdancing and greasy lips. No where has anyone suggested samston turn into an "Uncle Tom" in order to win people over. Have you actually read the whole thread? If samston is for real, he is a 28 year old unhappy, lonely, shy, frustrated and angry young man. He claims not to have any friends. He doesn't get along with his family. He was the one that says people think he looks like Biggie Smalls. And from numerous threads he's created, he seems to have real problem relating to people.
And based on only everything he's posted (just ignore our posts and suggestions) you are recommending to him to continue to do his own what he's been doing and not try to relate to the immediate people around him?
I think that it's a real possibility that samston's main problem is that he perpetually walks around with a scowl on his face and looking directly at everyone around him in a confrontational and challenging way as he tries to gauge their reaction to him. Even having a neutral expression on his face would help.
Another suggestion would be for him to wear an iPod and to be listening to his favorite music while he is out and about on the streets. That way he could focus more on listening to the music and take his mind off of what others think of him.
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