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Old 07-08-2009, 09:34 AM
 
6,046 posts, read 10,030,691 times
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There is a good point that I forgot to mention, so I will now.

Just because someone moves to the South doesn't mean they have to like every single aspect of the South. Someone might like the South more overall, but like some aspects of the North. That is why people don't "move back North." This is not all or nothing.

As a Northerner that would like to live in the South and probably will at some point in my life, I feel I can shed some light on this issue and present the issue from a Northern point of view. Hopefully ease tensions and provide a better understanding.
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Old 07-08-2009, 10:54 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,052,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
There is a good point that I forgot to mention, so I will now.

Just because someone moves to the South doesn't mean they have to like every single aspect of the South. Someone might like the South more overall, but like some aspects of the North. That is why people don't "move back North." This is not all or nothing.

As a Northerner that would like to live in the South and probably will at some point in my life, I feel I can shed some light on this issue and present the issue from a Northern point of view. Hopefully ease tensions and provide a better understanding.
I hope you will be able to reach your goal and move here.

It is the same no matter where a person relocates - there are gonna be things we miss. I lived in Kansas City and still miss soooo many things about that area - even tho I am a native North Carolinian. Yes, there were some adjustments when I moved there, but it was a wonderful place to live with a high standard of living and wonderful infrastructure.

However, the only way to "ease tensions" as you put it is for newcomers to move here and cut it with the attitude. Everyone understands that people get homesick. And no one expects ANY newcomer to conform to ANYTHING except our laws.

The problem is that people move here with preconceived notions about the South and Southerners and then treat people here like they are imbiciles, idiots, uneducated, etc - and publicly voice their displeasure at having to be surrounded by people who are not up to their standards. And yes, this is a continual problem and no, I didn't experience it when I moved to the Midwest. People just do not act like Yankees anywhere but in the NE. Loud, obnoxious, condescending behavior is accepted there as part of the culture.

I am NOT saying that "everyone" is like this! But I am saying . . . once again . . . that for those who move here and come with an arrogant, condescending attitude, they will be resented and the resentment will result in their being dismissed and excluded - and scorned. Plain and simple.

In other words . . . if you move to a new area and you are polite . . . people will respond to that. If you are a jerk, people will respond to that, too. There is nothing magic about it.

When I was in Kansas City and St. Louis, people there complained about the "Hoosiers" who trickle into the area. Getting aggravated with people from other regions who come into an area and come with an attitude is not reserved for the South. I believe people in Montana complain regularly about Californians who arrive there with an attitude.

No one cares whether someone moves here and LIKES Southern traditions. That is what I think is being lost in this discussion. We DO NOT CARE. Our culture and traditions in no way are dependent upon VALIDATION from newcomers. However, we do NOT appreciate the condescending attitudes.

This is not hard.
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Old 07-08-2009, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,380,615 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I hope you will be able to reach your goal and move here.

It is the same no matter where a person relocates - there are gonna be things we miss. I lived in Kansas City and still miss soooo many things about that area - even tho I am a native North Carolinian. Yes, there were some adjustments when I moved there, but it was a wonderful place to live with a high standard of living and wonderful infrastructure.

However, the only way to "ease tensions" as you put it is for newcomers to move here and cut it with the attitude. Everyone understands that people get homesick. And no one expects ANY newcomer to conform to ANYTHING except our laws.

The problem is that people move here with preconceived notions about the South and Southerners and then treat people here like they are imbiciles, idiots, uneducated, etc - and publicly voice their displeasure at having to be surrounded by people who are not up to their standards. And yes, this is a continual problem and no, I didn't experience it when I moved to the Midwest. People just do not act like Yankees anywhere but in the NE. Loud, obnoxious, condescending behavior is accepted there as part of the culture.

I am NOT saying that "everyone" is like this! But I am saying . . . once again . . . that for those who move here and come with an arrogant, condescending attitude, they will be resented and the resentment will result in their being dismissed and excluded - and scorned. Plain and simple.

In other words . . . if you move to a new area and you are polite . . . people will respond to that. If you are a jerk, people will respond to that, too. There is nothing magic about it.

When I was in Kansas City and St. Louis, people there complained about the "Hoosiers" who trickle into the area. Getting aggravated with people from other regions who come into an area and come with an attitude is not reserved for the South. I believe people in Montana complain regularly about Californians who arrive there with an attitude.

No one cares whether someone moves here and LIKES Southern traditions. That is what I think is being lost in this discussion. We DO NOT CARE. Our culture and traditions in no way are dependent upon VALIDATION from newcomers. However, we do NOT appreciate the condescending attitudes.

This is not hard.
That, my friend, is the God's honest truth
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Old 07-08-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: east of my daughter-north of my son
1,928 posts, read 3,194,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
That, my friend, is the God's honest truth
Amen!
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Old 07-08-2009, 11:56 AM
eek eek started this thread
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,576 posts, read 6,642,034 times
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i, and many others (i'm sure) understand that but at the same time i, and i'm sure many others feel like without even opening our mouths...or rather as soon as we do, just like ppl from the north come to the south with preconceived notions on how southerners act, ppl from the south are very judgmental towards ppl from the north.

its like we don't even have to do anything without feeling unwanted. not that we have to feel wanted but at least stop with the hatred.
we are individuals. so what if johnny two shoes came from the upper west side and was rude. that means that jack from harlem is going to be just as rude or rude at all?

that means that all northerners need to get treated the same by southerners?

it is offensive to use an outdated term that negatively describes all ppl from the north. its not that hard.

also again, what is acting like a yankee?
question, if a person from the north and a person from the south are rude are they both acting like yankees?

i fail to see how yankee is not a putdown when its used in a negative manner every other post.
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Old 07-08-2009, 12:26 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,052,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eek View Post
i, and many others (i'm sure) understand that but at the same time i, and i'm sure many others feel like without even opening our mouths...or rather as soon as we do, just like ppl from the north come to the south with preconceived notions on how southerners act, ppl from the south are very judgmental towards ppl from the north.

its like we don't even have to do anything without feeling unwanted. not that we have to feel wanted but at least stop with the hatred.
we are individuals. so what if johnny two shoes came from the upper west side and was rude. that means that jack from harlem is going to be just as rude or rude at all?

that means that all northerners need to get treated the same by southerners?

it is offensive to use an outdated term that negatively describes all ppl from the north. its not that hard.

also again, what is acting like a yankee?
question, if a person from the north and a person from the south are rude are they both acting like yankees?

i fail to see how yankee is not a putdown when its used in a negative manner every other post.
I have described what it means to act like a Yankee.

I have told you what the behavior is like. I described it in an earlier post. Remember the gal on TV who "tipped the table" in a restaurant and no one seemed to think that was odd, b/c it was something that was at least somewhat culturally accepted by her friends and family? That sort of public display is NOT accepted here. It would get you banned from a restaurant and socially shunned by other people.

So here are some more examples. Loudly complaining and arguing w/ a salesperson in a store b/c the store is out of an item, or doesn't carry it. Waving one's arms and getting in the sales person's face. I have seen salespeople in tears during such an encounter and the person screaming had no clue - cause this is how he/she is used to acting in their former city and no one thinks anything of it. But it is not acceptable behavior here!

Parents yelling and arguing w/ teachers and/or principal at school - demanding that their child is "superior" or "is being taught by morons" or that the test scores weren't "fair" and saying over and over that their schools were so much better back in _____ (Long Island, NJ, wherever). Yes, I have witnessed it myself - on more than one occasion.

Sitting on the horn for 10 seconds while cursing the person several cars ahead, who is being timid about making a left hand turn.

ETC.

This is not hard.

As I have said before, if you don't want to get called a DAMN YANKEE, don't act like one.

And as far as judgmental . . . wrong word. We have been conditioned. There is a difference.

But as long as you aren't being a jerk, what would it matter?

I get teased the minute I open my mouth in NYC! I love it! I love New York! I know that I am gonna have to get aggressive to hail that cab and if I don't speak up, I will get ignored. My NYC friends say I am a chameleon - I shift/alter my way of interacting w/ folks when I get off the plane at Newark. But that is b/c I understand what is acceptable behavior in NYC and I also understand what is acceptable behavior in Charlotte, NC.

You know that adage - "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." It helps one blend in.
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Old 07-08-2009, 12:31 PM
eek eek started this thread
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,576 posts, read 6,642,034 times
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so a southerner that does all of the above is a yankee?

from what i'm getting out of your post you can substitute the word yankee for northerner.
i say that because (in your last paragraph) you mention ny and getting a cab, etc. and how you have to "adapt" and change and alla that once you get into ny.

so basically you're saying you become aggressive... ...like a yankee?

so yankee = northerner

but everything you said in your last post was negative.
so yankee = a negative term used to describe northerners.

but we're not supposed to be offended?

Last edited by eek; 07-08-2009 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 07-08-2009, 12:42 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,052,657 times
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Yes, if anyone acts out in public, the first thing that would be said to them is "Dear Lord, you are acting like a Yankee."

I have gotten told that when I got upset about a political issue in a restaurant and my family felt I was being too loud, LOL.

Next you would say "You are embarrassing everyone" or "Your momma is gonna die when she finds out about this."

Getting drunk in public, for example, is a whole different matter than just being a loud mouth jerk. Anyone drunk in public is just embarrassing themselves - so Southerners are pretty tolerant about that. We all have relatives who have made spectacles of themselves b/c they drank too much, LOL!!! Confusing? I am sure it is. There is just a code of conduct that is understood here. As long as you are not being purposefully rude and loud, you are fine here.
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Old 07-08-2009, 12:48 PM
eek eek started this thread
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,576 posts, read 6,642,034 times
Reputation: 1422
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Remember the gal on TV who "tipped the table" in a restaurant and no one seemed to think that was odd, b/c it was something that was at least somewhat culturally accepted by her friends and family? That sort of public display is NOT accepted here. It would get you banned from a restaurant and socially shunned by other people.
that sort of behavior shouldn't be accepted anywhere. i've never seen that in NY and never knew that it was common behavior in NY.
in ny, nobody would shun her...because we wouldn't care. we'd keep it moving. so she's acting like a b'. it is what it is, i'm going to eat my food, if things get outta hand i'm leaving, etc. etc.

there's no reason to shun anyone in that situation. i'd mind my own business and not care. i'd think in my head, wow, thats crazy...but i wouldn't have anything to say about it. it doesn't concern me, you know?

but where did you get that thats acceptable behavior in the north?

Quote:
So here are some more examples. Loudly complaining and arguing w/ a salesperson in a store b/c the store is out of an item, or doesn't carry it. Waving one's arms and getting in the sales person's face. I have seen salespeople in tears during such an encounter and the person screaming had no clue - cause this is how he/she is used to acting in their former city and no one thinks anything of it. But it is not acceptable behavior here!
why do you assume that this is acceptable behavior anywhere in the country, though?

i feel like ppl buy into these stereotypes hard. also, do you not think that the above also happens elsewhere in the country? in the south??

Quote:
Parents yelling and arguing w/ teachers and/or principal at school - demanding that their child is "superior" or "is being taught by morons" or that the test scores weren't "fair" and saying over and over that their schools were so much better back in _____ (Long Island, NJ, wherever). Yes, I have witnessed it myself - on more than one occasion.
so you've never heard of this happening in the south? with your magnet schools vs. public schools? someone thinking their kid is better because they went to a magnet school but they are now in a public school and having a rough time transitioning?

Quote:
Sitting on the horn for 10 seconds while cursing the person several cars ahead, who is being timid about making a left hand turn.
in the south i've seen ppl cut each other off, blow their horn, spit, flip ppl off, curse, etc.

but i wouldn't label every southerner by a negative connotation because of it. it wouldn't change my opinion about southerners one way or the other.
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Old 07-08-2009, 12:54 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,052,657 times
Reputation: 22371
Quote:
Originally Posted by eek View Post
so a southerner that does all of the above is a yankee?

from what i'm getting out of your post you can substitute the word yankee for northerner.
i say that because (in your last paragraph) you mention ny and getting a cab, etc. and how you have to "adapt" and change and alla that once you get into ny.

so basically you're saying you become aggressive... ...like a yankee?

so yankee = northerner

but everything you said in your last post was negative.
so yankee = a negative term used to describe northerners.

but we're not supposed to be offended?
EEK . . . if you read back over my posts, you will see that I clearly outline that there are times that the use of the word "YANKEE" is clearly pejorative.

And other times, when it isn't. Others have clearly defined this, as well.

If you want to get offended, then it may be you need to examine why you need to feel offended. I have found that sometimes, people can be so enmeshed in cultural victimology that they don't even realize they are seeking out opportunities to feel offended.

As I said before, people here are friendly and quick to respond to other friendly folks. As long as you are not being disagreeable, then you will be treated with respect.
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