Official Joke & Humor Thread - Part Deux [MERGED] (check, funny, first)

[VTsnowbird]

I really don't like Muzak in elevators. It's wrong on so many levels.


I installed one of those chair lifts on my stairs. It's literally driving me up the wall.


Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

[PAhippo]

Originally Posted by VTsnowbird

I really don't like Muzak in elevators. It's wrong on so many levels.


I installed one of those chair lifts on my stairs. It's literally driving me up the wall.


Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

groan

[motormaker]

Parents Take Their Modem On A Road Trip After Kids Refuse To Go Because It Would Be “Too Boring”

https://god.dailydot.com/modem-road-...HZW-dMVdZO17Kg

[I Am Woman]

Originally Posted by motormaker

Parents Take Their Modem On A Road Trip After Kids Refuse To Go Because It Would Be “Too Boring”

https://god.dailydot.com/modem-road-...HZW-dMVdZO17Kg

That is a wonderful story!

[Rudy53420]

...

[motormaker]

I recently called an old engineering buddy of mine
and asked what he was woking on these days.

He replied he was working on aqua-thermal treatment
of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.

I was impressed until upon further inquiring, I learned he was washing
dishes with hot water under the supervision of his wife.

[motormaker]

I collect all cell phones and iPads from the kids at night and keep them in my room.

Last night those little ***holes all set alarms to go off at various times throughout the night.

I’m impressed with their ingenuity and team effort.

They’re all grounded.

[Nomadicus]

I told my wife that Colonel Sanders made the best fried chicken. That's when the fight started.

[motormaker]

Different types of phone call duration. Non scientific sample

Boy to Boy 00:00:59
Boy to Mom 00:00:50
Boy to Dad 00:00:30
Boy to Girl 01:23:59
Girl to Girl 05:29:59
Girl to Boy 00:01:20
Marriedman to Girlfriend 06:43:59
Marriedwoman to Boyfriend 00:10:59
Husband to Wife 00:00:03
Wife to Husband 14 Missed Calls

[SeaOfGrass]

Q. What do you call an Irish spider?
A. Paddy long legs.