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What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitus!
Why Doesn't Santa Claus think of the past or the future? Because he lives in the present!
Why does Santa Claus live at the North Pole? Because that's where his house is!
What is Santa's favorite sport? The North Pole vault!
Where did Santa first meet and dance with his wife? At the annual snowball!
Who is Santa's favorite pop group? Sister Sledge!
Why does Santa take presents to children around the world? Because presents won't take themselves!
What's red and green and flies? An airsick Santa Claus!
How do you know when Santa Claus is ill? The doctors send out an elf warning!
What goes ho, ho, ho, bonk? Santa Claus laughing his head off!
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Carryover from last yr Christmas clothing colors are " light black, media black and black/black.
China and NK have just one color why not the US...tis already working its way that direction.
An 80-year-old rancher from Wyoming goes to the Wyoming Medical Center at Laramie for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the old guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"
"I'm from Wyoming and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish" says the old man; "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer, a shot of whiskey and all is well."
"Well" says the doctor, "I'm sure that all helps but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
"Who said my father is dead?", replies the old man.
The doctor is amazed and says, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old." says the old cowboy. "In fact, he worked and hunted with me this morning, and afterward we went to the topless bar for a while and had a few beers. That's why he's still alive. He's a Wyoming rancher as well and he hunts and fishes too!"
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?"
To this the 80 year old rancher says, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor then asks, "You mean to tell me you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?"
"Yes, he's 118 years old." says the old rancher.
The doctor is really getting confused at this point and asks, "So, I guess your grandpa went hunting with you this morning too?"
"No, grandpa couldn't go with us this morning because he's getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married??? Why in the world would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
My brother emailed it to me yesterday. I had never seen it but thought it was a good one.
I'm taking it to my cardiologist in February. I thought he might enjoy it although I have shoes older than him. Gotta' be careful these days sharing jokes between generations, you know.
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
Quote:
Originally Posted by High_Plains_Retired
My brother emailed it to me yesterday. I had never seen it but thought it was a good one.
I'm taking it to my cardiologist in February. I thought he might enjoy it although I have shoes older than him. Gotta' be careful these days sharing jokes between generations, you know.
How true on the generation gap. The gap on my new PCP is 50 years.
I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year. Not to see the new year in but to make sure the old one leaves.
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Christmas Humor
