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A man, desperate to get out of his marriage, wants to kill his wife. Sitting at a bar one day, over the course of a few drinks, he tells a man he meets about his problems. Artie, as he is called, says that he feels bad for the man, and he is willing to kill his wife for only a dollar. A little inebriated and in disbelief, the man hands the man a dollar and tells him sure. If you can kill my wife for a dollar, then here is your payment upfront.
A few days pass. Then a few weeks. And soon the man forgets about the encounter, meanwhile he and his wife come to reconciliation. Meanwhile, Artie is watching, stalking, waiting to make good on his contract.
One Friday, the man and his wife are out grocery shopping at the nearby Kroger. While in the produce section, the man tells his wife is going to find a bottle of wine for the evening. The wife now alone, Artie sees his chance to make his move. He innocently walks near her, and then suddenly wraps his hands around her throat. Violently choking her to death.
Just as she takes her last breath, the man comes back. He yells at him to stop, tries to fight him off, but it is too late. In anger, he tries to kill the psychopath, but he is soon overpowered and is killed also. Unfortunately, just as he is dying, an unlucky witness stumbles onto the crime, and he too is quickly killed.
It is a gruesome scene, police come, and slowly the entire story unfolds as to what happened.
The next morning, the newspapers read:
Friday at Kroger, Artie Chokes Three for a Dollar In The Produce Section.
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How are you, Grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?!" he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
One day, 50 politicians were flying across the country in an airplane when​ the plane started to experience mechanical problems. The plane crashed in a remote rural area. It took an hour for the first police car to arrive at the scene. There was an old farmer who was sitting on his tractor beside the wreckage. The policeman got out of his car and looked inside the smashed fuselage. To his surprise, it was completely empty.
He asked the farmer, "Where are all of the politicians who were on the plane?"
The farmer replied, "I dug a big hole with my tractor and buried them."
The police man asked, "How could you be sure they were all dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them insisted they were still alive, but you know, you can never believe anything a politician says."
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 35" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, 'Oh My God.'"
Last edited by moguldreamer; 05-08-2024 at 05:03 PM..
My niece wants to know: If she donates her hair to Locks of Love, and the recipient of her hair
commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will her DNA be found all over the
crime scene and thus incriminate her?
She's 12.
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