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"So I'm at Walmart returning 37 pool noodles (because youth ministry) and rather than explaining the whole story of why I'm a grown man returning 37 pool noodles; when asked for "reason for return", I just said "The grocery list said noodles but not what kind. Boy was my wife mad!"
A guy goes on his work trip for the weekend. When he gets there, he calls his wife to let her know he arrived safely.
"Hello", a little girl answers.
"Hi, sweetie, can you get your mom on the phone?"
"She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul", the little girl replies .
The guy says "You don't have an uncle Paul, silly". Thinking it's a joke.
"Yes I do! And mommy is upstairs with him right now in her bedroom".
The guy quiets down and thinks for a moment. "Go upstairs and tell your mom that Daddy is pulling in to the driveway right now."
The little girl goes upstairs and tells her mom exactly what he asked.
She gets back on the phone. "I told her".
"And?! What happened??"
"Well Mommy got out of bed completely naked, and started running around, desperately trying to put her clothes back on in a hurry."
"And??"
"She was going so fast she accidentally slipped and hit her head, and now she's on the floor and she's not moving."
"And the guy?!"
"Uncle Paul got out of bed, also naked, got his clothes frantically and jumped out the window and jumped into the pool. I guess he didn't know you took out the pool water last week, and when he jumped in he went all the way to the bottom. I think he's dead."
The guy suddenly puts the mental breaks and asks "What pool? We don't have a pool....Wait is this (618)823-7812.....
A frog recently went into a nearby bank to request a loan. When it was his turn at mrs Wack -the teller- she was quite annoyed that a frog would request a loan. But the frog persisted and mrs Wack finally gave in. "What do you have for collateral ?" she asked the frog. Well I have this beautiful glass figurine of a butterfly, the frog said. That's useless Mrs Wack said, go away. The frog became angry. What is your name?! I want to speak to the manager said the frog. My name is Patti and here comes the manager. The manager came and heard out the difficulty and after looking at the glass figurine the manager turned to the teller and said: " It's a nick nack Patti Wack give the frog a loan".
Do you know the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can "roast beef".
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