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Three men and a young woman are traveling on a train. The four passengers get talking and the chat soon takes a spicy turn.
The young woman proposes: “If each of you gives me $1 I will show you my legs”. The men, charmed by the woman, all pull a dollar out of their wallet and she proceeds to pull up her dress a bit to show her legs.
The woman then says: “If each of you gentlemen gives me $10 I will show you my thighs”. Again the men pull out their wallets, hand over the money and the woman pulls up her dress to show her legs.
The woman continues: “If you give me $100 I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis”. All three hand over the money.
The woman then turns to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance, that’s the hospital where I had it done!”
A father overhears his young daughter saying her prayers: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, goodbye grandpa." He asks her why she said goodbye grandpa, and she replies that it felt right. The next day, grandpa dies.
Two weeks later, he overhears his daughter saying her prayers: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma." Grandma dies the next day.
Two weeks later, he again overhears his daughter saying her prayers: "God bless mommy, goodbye daddy." This freaks him out. He goes to work early the next day, and stays until after midnight because he feels safer at work then anywhere else. When he finally gets home, his wife asks where he's been, and he replies that he had a horrible day. His wife responds: "You had a bad day? The postman dropped dead on my porch."
Q. What wears out fastest at a millipede's house?
A. The door mat, from wiping all those feet on it every time they come home.
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