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Old 02-02-2022, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
18,125 posts, read 11,759,576 times
Reputation: 19723

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This is one of my favorite threads!


A woman with a salad walked past me in a restaurant and said,
"You know a cow died so you could eat that beefburger."

I said, "If you weren't eating its food, it might have lived."
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Old 02-03-2022, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
30,537 posts, read 16,231,137 times
Reputation: 44436
My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.So far I've finished a chocolate cake, bad of Snickers and the chocolate milk. I feel better already!










^^^^^^^^^^^^
I realized that the word 'bed' really looks like a bed.
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Old 02-05-2022, 07:59 AM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
11,087 posts, read 17,548,854 times
Reputation: 44414
You know how to keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms
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Old 02-06-2022, 04:00 PM
 
Location: State of the closed-minded
296 posts, read 217,647 times
Reputation: 580
My smartphone has for an audible text message notification the famous words of Moe Howard (The Three Stooges) saying "Quiet numbskulls, I'm broadcasting"---it went off this morning at church, reverberated all over, but I could tell some people got a kick out of it!
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Old 02-06-2022, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
30,537 posts, read 16,231,137 times
Reputation: 44436
I've learned so much from my mistakes I'm thinking I'll make more.
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Old 02-06-2022, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Covington County, Alabama
259,024 posts, read 90,616,968 times
Reputation: 138568
A lawyers favorite Jam is made from Forbidden Fruit.
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Old 02-08-2022, 10:21 AM
 
32,944 posts, read 3,930,110 times
Reputation: 14370
"A vodka please."
"Sir, this is McDonald's."
"OK, a McVodka, please."
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Old 02-09-2022, 06:36 PM
 
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,475 posts, read 26,012,991 times
Reputation: 59858
Whenever the wife uses the phrase "I was thinking"

Than means I either have to move, build, paint or buy something.
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Old 02-12-2022, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
31,340 posts, read 14,274,675 times
Reputation: 27863
Ron White. You Can't Fix Stupid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQv7Tr8HbGE
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Old 02-15-2022, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
30,537 posts, read 16,231,137 times
Reputation: 44436
When I lost the fingers on my right hand I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said "probably but I wouldn't count on it'.
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