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You know why elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See how good it works?
You could hear people talking and glasses clinking like they were in a bar. The guy says to the woman, "Hey, haven't I seen you someplace before?" She replies, "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."
* Eat right!
* Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
* Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
* Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
* Wash your hands often. If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
* Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.
* Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
* Get plenty of rest.
OR
Take the medical approach.
Think about it... When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol...Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
* I walk to the pub. (exercise)
* I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
* Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
* Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
* Tell rude jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
* Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!
It was entertainment night at the Community Center. After the sing-along led by a lady on the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.
"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch."
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.
They were hypnotized. Claude had done it!
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact.
"CRAP!" said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Center and Claude was never invited there again.
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