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Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59798
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous.
'But you have no arms !'
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only a moment before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,'Bishop, who was this man ?'.
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied ..............
................. BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'
WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59798
It's November and the mall is packed with shoppers and a man can't find his wife. He goes up to a very attractive woman and says 'Excuse me, can you help me? I can't see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The attractive woman says, "Why?"
The man replies "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."
So on his 96th birthday this old guy gets stuck having to do the grocery shopping. Well, grumbling, he goes into the supermarket and picks out the groceries on the list his wife wrote up for him. When he gets to the checkout the beautiful blonde cashier runs everything through and smiles sweetly at him.
"That will be $200 exactly." She tells the oldtimer.
"You want me to give you $200? " He enquires nervously.
"Yes I do." The attractive cashier answers.
With that the old guy produces out a pair of crisp new $100 bills from his wallet and turns to the woman behind him in line.
"Could you give these to her please, ma'am"? He asks.
Perplexed, the other customer takes the $200 and asks him. "OK, but why don't you just pay her yourself?"
"Well," he replies, "The last time I handed $200 over to a hot blonde - she pulled out a badge!"
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59798
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying after her husband had surgery, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Maynard was admitted to Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."
Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty
and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her
skin so soft and beautiful.
"Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just bathe and soak in it."
So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a whole
lot of milk."
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to bathe and soak in it."
He asked, "Pasteurized?"
"No...just up to my boobs."
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at
their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and
how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose
igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who indeed had the
coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said
"Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water
froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad", said the
other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they
went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a
big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and
fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first
Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they
ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went
into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of
several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and
held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went
"FFFFFFAAAARRRRTTT".
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59798
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then called in a Government Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!!", not a single one could shout "Truck."
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