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Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,447 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59793
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Tom decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, fishing and golf. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs, your guns and boat".
Tom gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't....
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,447 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59793
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local paper in Lafayette Indiana reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Alamo Indiana, Ole Olson, a hell of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Indiana had already gone wireless."
Just makes a person proud to be from Indiana.
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,447 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59793
It's a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100.00 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
(Stay with this..... and pay attention)
The butcher takes the $100.00 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100.00 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100.00 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel Owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,
picks up the $100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere
of optimism and glee.
And that, my friends, is how a "government stimulus package" works!
I received this in an email from my boyfriend's mother this evening. Made me lol!
.
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Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,447 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59793
^^ Giggle.
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