Joke & Humor Thread Official (license, to buy, woman, home)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A dining room hostess was training a new worker. She said,
"Always observe the mannerisms and moods of the diners and seat them accordingly. See the couple that just came in? Seat them back in a quiet corner because they're newlyweds."
"How do you know they're newlyweds?"
"They cannot have been married long because he's still being nice to her."
An old lady was given a parrot for company but when she took it home it began to yell repeatedly, "My name is Sally, I'm a hooker and a goodtime girl." So the old lady went to the priest for advice.
"I have a solution," said the priest. "My two parrots are religious, they say the rosary daily and study the Bible. We'll put Sally in with them and they'll soon make her forget her wicked past."
When Sally was put in the cage with the other two, one was heard to remark, "Put away your beads and Bible, our prayers have been answered!"
A blonde was driving through the countryside when she spotted another blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a cornfield frantically trying to row the boat. She stopped the car, got out and shouted,
"You idiot! It's people like you that give us blondes a bad name! I'd come out there and slap you if I could swim!"
The captain and three sailors are in a life raft in the middle of the ocean after their ship sinks. Several days go by, and the chances for a rescue seem remote. Finally, the captain takes out his pistol and announces that he's going to kill himself so that the others can survive.
He lifts the gun to his head, and just as he's about to pull the trigger, the first mate shouts, "No, no!"
Touched by the concern, the captain lowers his gun. And the first mate says, "Not in the head, anyway. I love brains!"
After a volatile argument with her boyfriend a blonde decided to shoot herself in the head. The boyfriend, knowing that the gun was not loaded, began to laugh. She said,
"I had sex with my wife before we were married. Did you?"
The other man said, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Newlyweds
