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But we were telling you there are more affordable options if you moved and got a job in an area with better public transportation. You just wanted to stay in your immediate area because you didn't think you could make new friends elsewhere. We've also been telling you to enroll in college and go live in a dorm like kids your age do. Your grandmother had the money set aside for your education. But I agree, now that you have the car, you need to keep it. I wasn't saying get rid of it, just pointing out how luxuries slowed you down.
I have a good thing going for me right now.
I have a new job that I love so much.
I have a plan in mind.
I can't afford dorms on what my grandmother has set aside, it was enough to go to college from home and that was it.
Anyways, as soon as I can start getting money in I can get moved out.
If I was a rich old noble with a huge house - the whole family would live with me...along with their families...one set in one wing the other set in the other wings..This example is key - the only reason that adult children do not continue to live with their family or clan is because of economic reasons and the simple fact that there is not enough room - This buisness about running off your kids when they are 18 so "they can learn to take care of themselves and be independent" is kind of dumb and shows social and economic desperation...
In my situation I live with my youngest son and his wife to be...eventually I will have to move on...because in effect I am the adult child..and they are going to need room to expand.. Like Italian families that you see that are hard working - they stick together as a team - and they all prosper...unlike the anglo middle class or white trashers who toss out their kids as if they have always been an inconvenience...and not a blessing.
In the changing times socially and politically families should stick together...the parents job as the kid become adults it to try to shut up and show them respect and not dominate the adult child - and then you will have a team.
Plus I hope when I do move out TG see's how mature and responsible I am being and wants to move in with me. Where I am moving is right next to where he is, it is within walking distance of his job, so it all works out.
I'm wondering who he lives with now.
Anyway. Move out for YOU, txt. And don't think about what someone else may or may not do. You have NO control over him. (Besides the fact that I've never heard of a guy wanting to move in with a female because she's "mature and responsible". That's not how men think. Did you ever stop and think that maybe he's just feeding you that line as an excuse for not living with you?)
And this guy is getting the milk (sex with you) for free. Why should he buy the cow? If he's happy where he's at, and getting side benefits, why should he change anything? Things are pretty dang sweet for him right now.
This is important: Move out because you are proving to YOURSELF you are mature and responsible. Not so someone else will think you are.
I'm italian and still in my house: why should I move mandatory when I was 18?
It's compulsory leave home at 18 years in America?
You have to understand the Italian mentality is different in 18 years we have yet to finish high school (ends at 19) and then there's the university .... Many leave because they earn as the first university graduates and many there is no meritocracy in Italy,it's useless to study in Italy there is much recommended that you turn the damn place ..
With us is worth more "know-how, experience" that a piece of paper of any university....
There are high rents from us, then it depends on where you are, from the center or periphery, of course, but still high.
A liter of petrol costs as we take you 2 gallons, I repeat a liter!
However we remain close to home to work because it is useless to spend money just to pay for the rent (500-700 €) and bills (180-200 €), and unexpected expenses?, Petrol etc.. And arrivals already at 800 € -900, with a salary of 1100 € less, I have to tell you Americans do like to live with only 150-300 €?
Sorry for my very very bad english: i translate with google!
I'm italian and still in my house: why should I move mandatory when I was 18?
It's compulsory leave home at 18 years in America?
You have to understand the Italian mentality is different in 18 years we have yet to finish high school (ends at 19) and then there's the university .... Many leave because they earn as the first university graduates and many there is no meritocracy in Italy,it's useless to study in Italy there is much recommended that you turn the damn place ..
With us is worth more "know-how, experience" that a piece of paper of any university....
There are high rents from us, then it depends on where you are, from the center or periphery, of course, but still high.
A liter of petrol costs as we take you 2 gallons, I repeat a liter!
However we remain close to home to work because it is useless to spend money just to pay for the rent (500-700 €) and bills (180-200 €), and unexpected expenses?, Petrol etc.. And arrivals already at 800 € -900, with a salary of 1100 € less, I have to tell you Americans do like to live with only 150-300 €?
Sorry for my very very bad english: i translate with google!
There is also a HUGE difference between American teens and teens from other countries.
You guys focus more on family, traditional values and other things like that.
In America teens want their freedom, teens want to get out of their parents home and live a life free of their parents rules.
And with kids from other countries I have noticed respect their parents rules and are more likely to not care about going out and having sex and partying and living a free life. They for the most part still follow the traditional path of staying at home till married and then it being a multi-generational household.
I could care less about all that and I just want out of my mom's house so I can live my life how I see fit but that is the difference between young people in different countries.
Moderator cut: English only, please.
Last edited by JustJulia; 12-16-2011 at 06:31 AM..
My issue isn't staying with a parent. My issue is staying with a parent and then whining about how horrible it is.
Touche!
I agree. My parents said I could move back home, but it was conditional. I had to work, pay a small rent, either buy my own food or contribute to the house food budget, and live by their rules. That was fair. And I chose not to move back home.
Instead - I rented a room from an older coworker. I worked, paid a small rent, bought my own food, and lived by her rules. It was great and I never whined about it. Afterall, my discussions/debates with her were the result of two adults talking. That beat the parent/child relationship hands down.
I agree. My parents said I could move back home, but it was conditional. I had to work, pay a small rent, either buy my own food or contribute to the house food budget, and live by their rules. That was fair. And I chose not to move back home.
Instead - I rented a room from an older coworker. I worked, paid a small rent, bought my own food, and lived by her rules. It was great and I never whined about it. Afterall, my discussions/debates with her were the result of two adults talking. That beat the parent/child relationship hands down.
Let me get one thing straight here.
I think rules and conditions to adult children living at home are reasonable TO A DEGREE.
I came up with the three C's.
Contributing
-Contribute something, whether it be rent, helping out with yardwork or other out of the ordinary things, doing the grocery shopping. Something.
Cleanliness
-Keep your room moderatly clean. Keep your bathroom clean, if its a shared bathroom each should keep up their responsibilities. Help clean the shared areas of the house as needed. I don't expect ANYONE's room to be immaculately clean 24/7, a bit of mess from time to time never killed anyone and a few clothes here and there isn't going to make the world start spinning the wrong way.
Consideration
-Don't come stumbling in at 4am waking every one up.
-Don't blast loud music when others are trying to work or sleep.
Just in general, think of others in the house too.
Where I do draw the line is:
-Setting a mandatory curfew. There is no reason to give your 18+ adult child a mandatory curfew they HAVE to be home by. Just have quiet hours, say 11pm on the weekdays and 12-1am on the weekends. If you are not home by time the quiet hours start then you either can come in quieter than a ninja or crash a friends house.
-Setting rules on WHERE they can spend the night. Again there is no reason to tell an adult where they can or can't spend the night, besides to aribitrarily control them because you can't manage to handle that they have grown up.
-Controlling clothing, music, friends, religion, social activities, piercings etc.
I understand my house my rules but it takes a strong person to let go and let someone make their own decisions but once your child turns 18 its time to let go and watch your 18 years of work in action. Maybe the hair color will be something you don't like or maybe they'll come home with something pierced you don't agree with or they start going out with their friends more but as long as they are still the same person, still respectful, etc then all that other stuff should not be a battle.
When I have kids and they turn 18 and they are living at home I plan on following this model I made up above.
If they are living at home and working at a job, going to school, contributing in some way, still respectful, still that kid they always have been I don't care what they do with their hair, make-up, clothing, piercings, social life, religion. If they can manage to not disturb anyone coming in late or if they can find somewhere safe to crash for the night and just leave me a text to read in the morning then I won't set a curfew.
But they will know any legal troubles are theirs to deal with. Any pregnancy is theirs to deal with. Don't bring any drama into my house.
I plan on raising smart kids, who won't want to get into legal trouble and daughter who will be smart enough to be on birth control if they are having sex.
Of course there won't be any:
-Parties at my house.
-Bf/gf sleepovers at my house.
-Drugs at my house. (what you do away from the house is not my business.)
-I drink so I am ok with my kids drinking at home. If they smoke they'll have to do it outside the house.
Like one thing I am adamant about is no motorcycles.
When my kids start driving and their friends are of driving age, you will not drive one, ride on one, don't even think about it.
I have seen way too many crashes as a police explorer.
I once responded to a motorcycle vs deer and the man and the deer did not make it. The image of the mans face or what was left of it (wasn't wearing a helmet) sticks with me to this day, I see a motorcycle and I see that man, literally that imagine is permanelty engaved in my mind.
But once they turn 18, its up to them, once they are adults and can make that decision for themselves it is theirs to make but I will not pay for it or pay for another or pay for medical bills.
But that's my take on people 18 and older living at home.
One question txt - If you had an over 18 year old child living in your house would you let them ride a motorcycle or is that rule only for under 18's?
Only for the under 18's..
Once they turn 18, the day they turn 18, the decision is theirs, they will know I would prefer that they didn't ride one but once they are a legal adult that decision is theirs.
Same for any other personal decision, what they do outside of the home is their own business. Once they turn 18 personal decisions are theirs, as long as they work and/or go to school and are considerate of others in the house.
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