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I do this too but then I get a twinge in my stomach thinking that the other person sees us as golfgal does.
That is completely understandable. Until I come across a Dr or one of the many therapists the we see on a regular basis that starts thinking that way, I know I'm not doing anything wrong but doing the best I can with what I know.
That is completely understandable. Until I come across a Dr or one of the many therapists the we see on a regular basis that starts thinking that way, I know I'm not doing anything wrong but doing the best I can with what I know.
When people tell me I'm excusing the behavior, particularly relatives and teachers, I say, what do you want to do about it?
Every therapist I have ever seen for my child tells me to ignore inappropriate attention seeking behavior and reward appropriate behavior. I do this at home, he rarely has inappropriate behavior, but he's a smart cookie, he knows when someone is going to pay attention to him. So as soon as we are around people that will reward his attention seeking behavior, he goes balls to the wall.
What I think people don't grasp, is that I discipline used to discipline him. He used to say the f-word all the time (learned it from my neighbor thank-you-very-much). We started telling him, "no that's not a nice word..." So you want to know what he would do, "say f(#*ing s(#*," and then he would script what I say, "DS full name, you do not say that naughty word, it's not a nice word." So then we started giving him lemon juice, darned sensory seeker LOVED Lemon Juice. So we tried hot sauce, loved hot sauce. Then, vinegar, loves vinegar. Then Scope, loves scope. Tried spanking, loves getting spanked. Now, we ignore completely ignore him, stop giving him eye contact, stop talking to him, walk away. He stopped swearing. Now, he only swears in front of people who he knows will respond, like his teacher, grandpa, and old people. And you don't even need to say anything to him, look at him with a raised eyebrow, he knows he has your attention.
When people tell me I'm excusing the behavior, particularly relatives and teachers, I say, what do you want to do about it?
Every therapist I have ever seen for my child tells me to ignore inappropriate attention seeking behavior and reward appropriate behavior. I do this at home, he rarely has inappropriate behavior, but he's a smart cookie, he knows when someone is going to pay attention to him. So as soon as we are around people that will reward his attention seeking behavior, he goes balls to the wall.
What I think people don't grasp, is that I discipline used to discipline him. He used to say the f-word all the time (learned it from my neighbor thank-you-very-much). We started telling him, "no that's not a nice word..." So you want to know what he would do, "say f(#*ing s(#*," and then he would script what I say, "DS full name, you do not say that naughty word, it's not a nice word." So then we started giving him lemon juice, darned sensory seeker LOVED Lemon Juice. So we tried hot sauce, loved hot sauce. Then, vinegar, loves vinegar. Then Scope, loves scope. Tried spanking, loves getting spanked. Now, we ignore completely ignore him, stop giving him eye contact, stop talking to him, walk away. He stopped swearing. Now, he only swears in front of people who he knows will respond, like his teacher, grandpa, and old people. And you don't even need to say anything to him, look at him with a raised eyebrow, he knows he has your attention.
I agree but I am sometimes surprised by how many people think that kids need to hear NO every time they ask for something even if what they are asking for is completely reasonable.
I don't know how it works in other places, but field trip volunteers are done on a lottery system here...
The teacher asks for volunteers, but explains they only need (#) , and then the names are basically put in a draw pile.
It could be that some working parents do want to go and find that they don't get picked.
Same thing can happen with a sahp, possibly they just did not get picked.
In our area the field trip volunteer starts in Kindergarten. Our preschool asks for their field trips that one parent or relative attends a field trip. It helps them out with the little ones.
I understand that sometimes they do not get picked but I would just ask parents to offer up their time when it is their turn and go. Do not miss out for the world. Time goes by way too fast.
I don't know how it works in other places, but field trip volunteers are done on a lottery system here...
The teacher asks for volunteers, but explains they only need (#) , and then the names are basically put in a draw pile.
It could be that some working parents do want to go and find that they don't get picked.
Same thing can happen with a sahp, possibly they just did not get picked.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMrsX
In our area the field trip volunteer starts in Kindergarten. Our preschool asks for their field trips that one parent or relative attends a field trip. It helps them out with the little ones.
I understand that sometimes they do not get picked but I would just ask parents to offer up their time when it is their turn and go. Do not miss out for the world. Time goes by way too fast.
Hmmmm... this is interesting and now that you guys say it, it makes total sense. I grew up in a poor school district and most parents could not afford to take days off so there were never more than 3 or 4 parents on a trip and I remember some trips getting postponed due to not enough parents attending or a couple of the PTA ladies that didn't even have kids in our class coming along.
Where we are now there is an abundance of SAHP and people are not so tight with money that they can't miss a day of work, so I'm sure there will be many more volunteers. All his field trips up to now have been with pricey day cares where they don't tell parents "No" so i've been able to go and each kid has a parent or two. I wonder what will happen on the first field trip...
So what I can't figure from this thread is ... we CARE when some obnoxious jerk makes a rude comment or eye roll to us in public?
Well some of us aren't teflon all the time. And sometimes it's as aggravating to think of something you should have said later had you decided to sink to their level.
Well some of us aren't teflon all the time. And sometimes it's as aggravating to think of something you should have said later had you decided to sink to their level.
Oh, I HATE when that happens! All of my best lines tend to happen after it's too late to use them!
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