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If you think this time is so significant, can you show how it impacts our kids?
What kind of impact are you looking for? Kids can be impacted in all sorts of ways. My kids are happier when I am home (or working PT). They don't need me around every second of the day but they like when I am around. I am a quantitative person like you are, but there are some things that are qualitative and parents should not ignore those things simply because they cannot quantify them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
When you compare the kids of SHAM's to the kids of WM's what are the differences one will expect to see because the WM's spent 41.4 minutes per day less with their kids during the preschool years (If you do the math, you come up with 41.4 minutes difference during the preschool years)? If this time made a difference, studies would be finding differences in our kids.
Some things cannot be quantified. I don't think parents need to SAH to raise good kids. I worked the first 9 years I was a parent. My kids are happier with me home more. They were fine when I worked, but they are happier when I am around more. I don't think I can quantify that.
My son is a senior in HS. He is needing more guidance than ever as he approaches adulthood. He comes home to have lunch with me once a week. We talk about college plans, things that are going on at school, girls, sports, whatever is on his mind.
I think that matters to him. I don't think it is ESSENTIAL but it matters. Today he told me that being able to come home for lunch is his favorite thing about being a senior. We have one year for each child to be a senior and spend some time alone with me. Once this school year is gone, it cannot be replaced. I am not sure how you can quantify that.
Do I think my son will turn out to be better than someone else in some quantifiable manner because he had lunch with me once a week during his senior year? NO-not really. I do think it will impact him for the rest of his life though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
They aren't. From this we can conclude that whatever the differences in time are, they do not matter. Which is why I say it's insignificant. This amount of time isn't making a difference.
Seriously, the only way I see my decision to work part time after dd#2 was born impacting my kids is that they had a mother selfish enough to work part time when she could have been working full time. I denied my family over $100K in income to work part time for 3 1/2 years. That doesn't speak well of me and it's not something I'm proud of. Looking back, that now looks like a college education paid for...
I think it's sad that you only see lost money when you think of the years you spent with your preschoolers as a lost opportunity. That will affect your children, although it may be in a manner that is difficult to quantify.
I also think it is telling that you think 50 WHOLE DAYS before a child turns 5 is an unimportant amount of time to the child. Have you ever heard of a person who was on their deathbed wishing they had spent less time with their kids? Dying with that kind of regret cannot be quantified. Not even by us diehard number crunchers.
Seriously, the only way I see my decision to work part time after dd#2 was born impacting my kids is that they had a mother selfish enough to work part time when she could have been working full time. I denied my family over $100K in income to work part time for 3 1/2 years. That doesn't speak well of me and it's not something I'm proud of. Looking back, that now looks like a college education paid for...
Do you say things like this in front of your children?
Half of the difference occurs in the first 5 years and it's not really signficant...at least not enough to actually make a difference. Yes, 50 days....out of 1825...or 2.7% of total time. Most of us lose more time than that watching TV...or posting on internet boards...
What is important is that we have enough time to bond with our children and they have enough time to bond with us. This does not require every single available minute every single day!!!
If you think this time is so significant, can you show how it impacts our kids? When you compare the kids of SHAM's to the kids of WM's what are the differences one will expect to see because the WM's spent 41.4 minutes per day less with their kids during the preschool years (If you do the math, you come up with 41.4 minutes difference during the preschool years)? If this time made a difference, studies would be finding differences in our kids. They aren't. From this we can conclude that whatever the differences in time are, they do not matter. Which is why I say it's insignificant. This amount of time isn't making a difference.
Seriously, the only way I see my decision to work part time after dd#2 was born impacting my kids is that they had a mother selfish enough to work part time when she could have been working full time. I denied my family over $100K in income to work part time for 3 1/2 years. That doesn't speak well of me and it's not something I'm proud of. Looking back, that now looks like a college education paid for...
I can't even believe you actually just said this. It breaks my heart. You know, self revelation here... My mother felt the same way. I don't ever remember her not working. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She is an amazing women. That said, my mother never had a life. She never had friends. She never, ever did anything special with her daughters. When I spent "alone, 1 on 1" time with her, it was helping her in the garden or going to work with her. Money has always been and likely will always be her first love. It's the most important thing in her world. She has never had enough. That's really sad, because she doesn't have any real relationships with most of her children....because she doesn't have time. Me, I accept the way that she is and make excuses for her. The rest of her kids are completely screwed up, because they never had a mother, only a workaholic.
Half of the difference occurs in the first 5 years and it's not really signficant...at least not enough to actually make a difference. Yes, 50 days....out of 1825...or 2.7% of total time. Most of us lose more time than that watching TV...or posting on internet boards...
What is important is that we have enough time to bond with our children and they have enough time to bond with us. This does not require every single available minute every single day!!!
If you think this time is so significant, can you show how it impacts our kids? When you compare the kids of SHAM's to the kids of WM's what are the differences one will expect to see because the WM's spent 41.4 minutes per day less with their kids during the preschool years (If you do the math, you come up with 41.4 minutes difference during the preschool years)? If this time made a difference, studies would be finding differences in our kids. They aren't. From this we can conclude that whatever the differences in time are, they do not matter. Which is why I say it's insignificant. This amount of time isn't making a difference.
Seriously, the only way I see my decision to work part time after dd#2 was born impacting my kids is that they had a mother selfish enough to work part time when she could have been working full time. I denied my family over $100K in income to work part time for 3 1/2 years. That doesn't speak well of me and it's not something I'm proud of. Looking back, that now looks like a college education paid for...
I can think of a number of things that can be done with one's preschooler in 40 or so minutes' time: taking a walk and looking for caterpillars, making goofy play-doh creatures, writing letters in pudding, planting carrots, reading stories, snuggling on the couch in front of Mr. Rogers reruns, debating whether Thomas the Tank Engine has an immortal soul (don't ask)...
If studies are "not finding differences in our kids" (and that's an assumption purely for the sake of argument, because as has been noted, you read volumes of unwritten supposition into studies as suits your fancy) perhaps that's because one cannot adequately measure how any specific child would be different had you made different choices. We cannot conclude anything, consequently, because that which you wish to conclude is immeasurable. (You, of course, are free to conclude whatever you like, though obviously there will be people who will suggest you are full of soup.)
As for your alleged selfishnesss in denying your family $100k over three years' time...I was brought up with the belief that putting a price tag on everything was appallingly crass. Perhaps that took place in the extra 41.4 minutes Granny Aconite spent with me, I don't recall.
How do you know how your kids would react? My kids never came home to an empty house until I became a teacher (whoever said this was a mom friendly job LIED). Dd#2 has come home to an empty house for going on 3 years now. She loves it. It's the only time she gets truely to herself. Kids are different.
I never came home to an empty house but wished I did. I envied my friends the freedom they had. I remember wanting my own house key and being jealous of my friends who had them. I used to go home with one friend just because she did go home to an empty house. I thought it was great.
As a mom, I don't like that dd comes home to an empty house but the demands on a teacher don't allow me the luxury of being home when she is so we settle for Guardian Alarm monitoring the house and neighbors to keep an eye out for her. I don't worry about what she'll do. I worry about someone following her home.
My experience was completely different. I HATED coming home to an empty house when I was younger, even though I had an older brother at home who was in high school. He paid no attention to me and his friends over all the time. Once in awhile I would go to a friend's house after school and their mom would be there ready with snacks and milk and I would wish so badly my mother stayed home.
When I got older, (high school) I LOVED having the house to myself, but probably NOT for the reasons you think.
My mother had to work so it is was it is, but for me I had a choice and I chose to stay home. I consider myself very,very lucky to have this option.
My mom worked full time in the home. We had mother-daughter days were we went shopping, just us, then as I got older we went to get drinks or went to the casino. It was fun. Mother-daughter days when growing up were every other month or so. Now they are whenever I see her. I think they made a big difference in our relationship, because we are very close, whereas my brother and her-- not so much.
My MIL was a work out of home mom, and is not close with any of her daughters. I think the primary reason was she never did mother-daughter days. She never took time with her daughters. She was always talking about making more money (still to this day is). She also sees other women as competition. She is passive-aggressive towards them.
I think the biggest factor in a relationship, whether at home, or working is cultivating a relationship with your children. Children are amazing beings, they know when you are just punching a clock with them.
I will assume the names Timothy Kuklo and Andrew Wakefield means nothing to you.
Yeah, Andrew Wakefield is the reason I fight every day to keep my son from being vaccinated. Not because he has any of the gut issues from that study, but because he has had a reaction to vaccines.
Peer reviewed studies don't mean anything to me. Because usually in a few years, there will be another study that counters it.
As for your alleged selfishnesss in denying your family $100k over three years' time...I was brought up with the belief that putting a price tag on everything was appallingly crass. Perhaps that took place in the extra 41.4 minutes Granny Aconite spent with me, I don't recall.
Money doesn't buy happiness. I agree it is very crass to put a price tag on everything.
How do you know how your kids would react? My kids never came home to an empty house until I became a teacher (whoever said this was a mom friendly job LIED). Dd#2 has come home to an empty house for going on 3 years now. She loves it. It's the only time she gets truely to herself. Kids are different.
I never came home to an empty house but wished I did. I envied my friends the freedom they had. I remember wanting my own house key and being jealous of my friends who had them. I used to go home with one friend just because she did go home to an empty house. I thought it was great.
As a mom, I don't like that dd comes home to an empty house but the demands on a teacher don't allow me the luxury of being home when she is so we settle for Guardian Alarm monitoring the house and neighbors to keep an eye out for her. I don't worry about what she'll do. I worry about someone following her home.
Again, whenever others post their personal experiences, there's no possibility they mean anything. Yet when YOU post your experiences, of course they mean something...
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