My son wants to wear girls clothes (ideas, grow up, taught)
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1. Do you understand the irony of complaining about people judging you while you are making the JUDGMENT that people of different races shouldn't date? You are taking hypocrisy to a ridiculous level.
2. Judgment in and of itself is not bad, it is when we make judgments based on stereotypes, or faulty information. For example, the judgment that individuals shouldn't date; not based on their personalities, or upbringing or any other thing that actually would influence their compatibility but solely based on the color of their skin is a bad judgment. Because it is based on both stereotypes and faulty information.
Meanwhile the judgment that you are a close-minded bigot (you are not technically a racist since you are not denying anyone an opportunity or are discriminating beyond yourself) is a valid judgment based on the evidence at hand which you have provided.
Personally, I find people who would make any decisions based on race to be far worse than just close-minded, but obviously you are that at a minimum. Finally, I could care less what your reasons are for your beliefs. So please notice me not asking. Because there is literally NOTHING in your experience that could justify that kind of bigotry in a rational adult
never said they shouldnt date. i said that for myself i dont believe in it. i could care less what others do.
Someone posted it is fun to discuss(the issue of gender clothing I believe) I agree it is quite interesting, I appreciate insight regardless if I agree with it or not.
Did your Upbringing consist of believing Santa,the Toothfairy, or that darn Easter Bunny? If so, do you believe in them presently?
i was brought up not really believing in santa, easter bunny, etc. Yeah we sang Christmas songs about being naughty or nice and all that, we put our teeth under our pillow and woke up to find a quarter (which went right back to the person that gave it to us to put it into our savings account), but we werent ever told yes there is or no there isnt. We were allowed to be kids. Worrying about conformity, acceptance, and all of that other adult stuff is stuff that they figured we could worry about later in life.
A lack of racism and not being ok with interracial dating are mutually exclusive concepts.
And as a general response to the thread: I am a very judgmental person. If someone told my children they could only wear clothing of a certain gender or could only date people of a certain race/gender, I would teach them exactly where they could tell that person to stick their opinion.
I would not let a child wear something racist because that is not an acceptable in my house. I would not let gender influence my child's clothing choice because I believe that is sexist.
An eight year old. What if he wanted to wear KKK robes? What if he wanted to emulate a skin head? What if he wanted to dress in all black and be Goth? Or pretend he was vampire? Would that be okay?
No, it would not. We have a social responsibility to our children to teach them society norms and values. If they choose to reject those norms as an adult, that is fine. But as a young child, having identity confusion, endorsing a child to flaunt social norms, isa setting him or her up for sa very tough road.
What baffles me is the fact that some people are using this conversation to make a pc stands. Thanks for injecting more common sense into this thread. We dont all have to subscribe to the same parenting style so they can raise their children however they want...
NO! Social norms are not important. We have a responsibility to teach them to THINK about how to make their own judgments about right and wrong.
Yes we do, but thinking about social norms are part of learning how to think. It is important that a person understand the possible consequences of going against social norms. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. To ignore that social norms exist and there are consequences for going against them is not teaching someone to think. It is teaching them to live with blinders.
I don't see anything wrong with a boy wearing girls clothes. The clothes themselves are inanimate objects. However, there are certain social consequences to a boy who decides to wear a dress to school. Before a boy is taught not to care what anyone else thinks he should understand what will happen if he wears the dress to school. He should understand both the long and short term issues he is creating.
I do not believe that an 8 year old is old enough to assess those risks on his own. As a result I would make sure that my boy wore male clothing out in public. I don't see that it is such a big deal to wear girls clothing at home, but I do not think that an 8 year old is old enough to know the consequences of dressing like a girl in public.
Teaching a child to think for himself must include an ability to assess social costs. It makes no sense to teach a child to never care what others think of him. Sometimes it matters what others think of you. Part of growing up is learning when it matters. At 8 years old a child is not ready for that sort of thinking.
For me, it is not a matter of right and wrong, but rather a matter of the social consequences not being worth going against social norms.
An eight year old. What if he wanted to wear KKK robes? What if he wanted to emulate a skin head? What if he wanted to dress in all black and be Goth? Or pretend he was vampire? Would that be okay?
To be fair, I don't see how an eight-year-old would have the slightest idea that most of those things exist. My son is seven and has never heard of or seen the KKK, skinheads, or goths. Vampires or dressing in all black, yes. If he wanted to pretend he was a vampire, sure--just no biting, and keep your hands to yourself, just like always. Sesame Street has a vampire on it, for Pete's sake. And as for dressing all in black, he does have a thing for ninjas, but I'm still trying to convince him that ninjas are QUIET.
Yes we do, but thinking about social norms are part of learning how to think. It is important that a person understand the possible consequences of going against social norms.
Yes I agree. What I meant was that social norm is an incorrect basis for judging right or wrong. That something is "normal" does not make it right. We do have an obligation to teach our kids things like you are going to increase your likelihood of getting that job if you dress appropriately...
"Sure, you can wear girl's clothes, just expect other kids to make fun of you, laugh at you, and you might even get beat up. But, if you really want to wear girl's clothes, it is up to you."
"Sure, you can wear girl's clothes, just expect other kids to make fun of you, laugh at you, and you might even get beat up. But, if you really want to wear girl's clothes, it is up to you."
Just inform your child of the consequences.
That's what I think, too - but it depends on the community, as to whether or not those particular things would happen.
I think it's a shame that someone as young as 8 would be ridiculed for wearing a shirt with rhinestones, but I guess in many places, they would be.
I just remembered a friend's son, he loooooooved girls' clothes. I taught his sister in Sunday School, and after class, he'd go from his class to hers, and put on the "dress-ups" - which weren't in his classroom. He loved the tutus and sequined dresses. He just beamed when he wore them! We were in a very liberal church, so even older kids who saw him wouldn't make fun of him - or, if they did, they would be corrected. His mom said he had all kinds of clothes at home. She found a small school where the kids were really accepting, and he wore mostly what he wanted, and no one made fun of him.
I had been suggesting that she homeschool, because I saw such a hard road in front of him! (Even without the feminine clothing, he was very theatrical. He would have been teased horribly in the school my oldest went to, before we started homeschooling.) I hope she's able to maintain that accepting atmosphere for him as he gets older.
And - he is who he is. He was himself from the time he was quite young. No amount of not allowing him to wear girls' clothes would have changed that. He might have learned to hide that part of himself, but I'm so very happy for him he didn't - and won't - have to. That kind of thing promotes so much unhappiness and disconnection, later down the line.
As he's older, it will be his choice how much he wants to fit into "the mainstream" and how much he wants to express himself. I wish every kid could have such a protected, supportive space to grow up in.
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