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Why would a woman with 4 kids even consider a divorce? I can understand if there was some form of abuse but in this cases it seems like there is none. It's not sane to go from let's have a baby to get out.
Man I wish you the best but it might be a good idea to consult with an Attorney. I hate to see any family break up..
I've been following this thread and for the life of me I cannot understand why a husband who has a wife who loves him and his children so much that she yearns to bear him a fifth wishes to deny her that joy. (As long as it is financially plausible and does not place the mother at an undue health risk.)
Does the OP have any idea how blessed he is?
Are you kidding?
I'm very catholic but sometimes realism dictates that some people MUST get snipped or use contraception. I'm a budget/financials bum. And a home is very much similar to project management and cost allocation. If a couple is planning to pull 5 kids, they need to forecast their future expense projections first and then proceed to have five, or else they are doing some serious disservice to humanity by bringing children into a world of stress.
What happens when someone takes 5 toddlers to the grocery store and each one pulls an item and fills the cart up? That's just one example.
Even a 300K income home, the average middle class American family in the east coast, is going to struggle with 4 kids to boot.
Paul has nothing but my prayers. May God help this man. So unfortunate a wife can lead a man into this mess. If a woman's divorcing a man for the lack of a fifth one, she is certainly off her rocker.
My rule is that both halves of a couple must agree on children. Since you do not, then no more kids.
Your wife sounds like she is one of those women who will have 100 cats someday. She needs to get professional help. The poor thing's hormones must be all screwed up. She cannot be doing a very good job with the children you already have, under the circumstances.
I hope she takes a beat and get's herself healthy, and this will not be easy with the demands of a lot of small children.
I'm very catholic but sometimes realism dictates that some people MUST get snipped or use contraception. I'm a budget/financials bum. And a home is very much similar to project management and cost allocation. If a couple is planning to pull 5 kids, they need to forecast their future expense projections first and then proceed to have five, or else they are doing some serious disservice to humanity by bringing children into a world of stress.
What happens when someone takes 5 toddlers to the grocery store and each one pulls an item and fills the cart up? That's just one example.
Even a 300K income home, the average middle class American family in the east coast, is going to struggle with 4 kids to boot.
Paul has nothing but my prayers. May God help this man. So unfortunate a wife can lead a man into this mess. If a woman's divorcing a man for the lack of a fifth one, she is certainly off her rocker.
ITA. The ability to support those children needs to be there. I'd also be concerned with what she'll threaten to divorce him over next. Someone who resorts to emotional blackmail to get their way once will do it again. I really feel sorry for Paul being saddled with her. He's kind of stuck because of the kids.
I should have married someone who didn't want to be a mother? Where the hell are you getting that? Because I don't want 5 or more I don't want any? What the? Come on now. I love being a dad, I just don't want a village. That's all.
I think you and your wife are obviously not a good match. It's too bad people don't discuss these issues before getting married.
You can love 4 kids but not the 5th child? That makes no sense to me. Nor does walking out on your family because a new baby shows up.
Now it seems it's a stand-off between the two of you. If baby 5 is born, you're leaving. If there isn't a baby 5, then she's leaving.
For some reason I think the baby isn't the main problem in this relationship.
I don't really understand this response, I think the fact is he doesn't want 5, he seems pretty darn happy with 4. While I agree people do get slack for wanting more kids and that is unfair, I do think that is a different thread and has nothing to do with PaulFranks situation.
I just think his wife feels like she lacks any control in their relationship. She lacks the ability to make decisions. Why she feels this way is the issue they need to resolve. It could be medical, could be founded, we don't know the whole story. She isn't on here. I believe going to the counselor will clear the air.
And since they're coming from such different stances, they both might feel they lack control or ability to make decisions.
Obviously he doesn't care what she wants, doesn't understand why she might long for another baby -- in many larger families EVERY child was wanted, is loved, number 6 can be just as much a bundle of joy as was number 1 child. And the wife doesn't care what the husband wants. There's really little room for compromise, either he gets his way, or she gets hers. They can't have half a baby.
And it might be her biological clock going off. Just like it goes off for women with no kids, it can just as validly go off for women who have kids. And men. Or she really enjoyed being a mom, having babies to cuddle and love and feels that there is someone missing -- which may or may not be about the miscarriage.
I don't really know what they should do. Probably seek counseling or both should realize that their problems go deeper than the baby that's not even conceived yet.
I'm going to assume that our OP was telling the truth here. I'm going to assume that they found themselves expecting child #5, discussed terminating the pregnancy, then his wife miscarried the baby. The emotional trauma she's experiencing and the anger she feels, not only for herself and her husband (who was her co-plotter in the possible termination of life) is, unfortunately, a natural and EXPECTED consequence of this situation.
Add to this situation a woman's body which is now fluctuating WILDLY from hormones which are completely out of whack! You have a recipe for disaster. Every little niggle of doubt, every little thing that her husband did, that wasn't enough to break off a marriage before, is magnified to the EXTREME, because of her pain and hormonal imbalance.
Add to this situation 4 young children, children who are a blessing, but are also a great deal of work to keep up with. She's exhausted, depressed, despondent, a hormonal train wreck, an emotional train wreck and she's looking for SOMETHING for SOMEONE to blame for these feelings. She's desperate to find a solution and for a way to feel better. Her irrational thoughts and desperation are creating the biggest part of the problem.
Sometimes when I see coldhearted and calculated responses from certain women on these boards I wonder, "Have they NEVER experienced hormonal overloads? Have they never been out of control, as in the first few months of pregnancy or the week before their monthly period? Did they ever have uncontrollable emotional swings after having a baby!?" Have they never....or have they just forgotten how those damn hormones can make you think really stupid, irrational thoughts or intensify little issues? I haven't forgotten. I CHOOSE not to forget and I choose to always be wary of what time of the month it is. Hmmmm that's probably why I'm still married after 30 years.
I'm going to assume that our OP was telling the truth here. I'm going to assume that they found themselves expecting child #5, discussed terminating the pregnancy, then his wife miscarried the baby. The emotional trauma she's experiencing and the anger she feels, not only for herself and her husband (who was her co-plotter in the possible termination of life) is, unfortunately, a natural and EXPECTED consequence of this situation.
Add to this situation a woman's body which is now fluctuating WILDLY from hormones which are completely out of whack! You have a recipe for disaster. Every little niggle of doubt, every little thing that her husband did, that wasn't enough to break off a marriage before, is magnified to the EXTREME, because of her pain and hormonal imbalance.
Add to this situation 4 young children, children who are a blessing, but are also a great deal of work to keep up with. She's exhausted, depressed, despondent, a hormonal train wreck, an emotional train wreck and she's looking for SOMETHING for SOMEONE to blame for these feelings. She's desperate to find a solution and for a way to feel better. Her irrational thoughts and desperation are creating the biggest part of the problem.
Sometimes when I see coldhearted and calculated responses from certain women on these boards I wonder, "Have they NEVER experienced hormonal overloads? Have they never been out of control, as in the first few months of pregnancy or the week before their monthly period? Did they ever have uncontrollable emotional swings after having a baby!?" Have they never....or have they just forgotten how those damn hormones can make you think really stupid, irrational thoughts or intensify little issues? I haven't forgotten. I CHOOSE not to forget and I choose to always be wary of what time of the month it is. Hmmmm that's probably why I'm still married after 30 years.
I think you and your wife are obviously not a good match. It's too bad people don't discuss these issues before getting married.
Of course most people discuss these things before they get married. They are in love, young, all starry eyed and completely naive. Then the reality sets in and it's a whole different story. And guess what----people change their attitudes and change their minds and just change in general.
So did you imagine the pre wedding conversation went like this?
" I really love you and want 5 children and if you say no to number 5 I will divorce you."
I'm going to assume that our OP was telling the truth here. I'm going to assume that they found themselves expecting child #5, discussed terminating the pregnancy, then his wife miscarried the baby. The emotional trauma she's experiencing and the anger she feels, not only for herself and her husband (who was her co-plotter in the possible termination of life) is, unfortunately, a natural and EXPECTED consequence of this situation.
Add to this situation a woman's body which is now fluctuating WILDLY from hormones which are completely out of whack! You have a recipe for disaster. Every little niggle of doubt, every little thing that her husband did, that wasn't enough to break off a marriage before, is magnified to the EXTREME, because of her pain and hormonal imbalance.
Add to this situation 4 young children, children who are a blessing, but are also a great deal of work to keep up with. She's exhausted, depressed, despondent, a hormonal train wreck, an emotional train wreck and she's looking for SOMETHING for SOMEONE to blame for these feelings. She's desperate to find a solution and for a way to feel better. Her irrational thoughts and desperation are creating the biggest part of the problem.
Sometimes when I see coldhearted and calculated responses from certain women on these boards I wonder, "Have they NEVER experienced hormonal overloads? Have they never been out of control, as in the first few months of pregnancy or the week before their monthly period? Did they ever have uncontrollable emotional swings after having a baby!?" Have they never....or have they just forgotten how those damn hormones can make you think really stupid, irrational thoughts or intensify little issues? I haven't forgotten. I CHOOSE not to forget and I choose to always be wary of what time of the month it is. Hmmmm that's probably why I'm still married after 30 years.
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