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Yes, NEITHER is right or wrong but there doesn't seem to be much room for compromise. He walks out on the family if another baby shows up, she is threatening to leave him if one doesn't.
It's when NEITHER is right or wrong when it can be the most difficult to resolve.
I don't think any of us can tell them to have another baby or not to have another baby. It's not like something that would be obviously wrong like committing adultery, the wife wanting a baby isn't WRONG nor is it wrong for him to decide he's had more than enough kids. It comes down to what they as a couple will do and if the marriage is salvageable. It doesn't look too good in my view, one little baby and he's out the door and he's been close to that long before it was 5 children but when it was just 2.
Sounds like depression and neither of you are ready for yet another child.....her especially. Either quit having sex or make sure you are WELL covered up! don't be intimidated or guilted into making more kids even the world doesn't need.
Yes, NEITHER is right or wrong but there doesn't seem to be much room for compromise. He walks out on the family if another baby shows up, she is threatening to leave him if one doesn't.
No where in his posts has he threatened to leave. She has.
Children do not exist to provide happiness to their parents. Do they do that, sure they do, but that's not their purpose in life. Just because all she may have is her children, that doesn't magically justify having more. .
Could you, please, tell my dil that? Her argument is that dss isn't home to raise the kids anyway so she should get as many as she wants. The probelm with this is DSS is NOT home to raise these kids. He travels for work and is home, if he's lucky, every other weekend. She just had #5 and is talking about #6. I'm not sure what she thinks she's accomplishing by popping out babies but that seems to be her purpose in life.
There comes a point when you need to concentrate on doing right by the children who are already here and quit playing pregnant princess followed by an encore of mom to a newborn...
Could you, please, tell my dil that? Her argument is that dss isn't home to raise the kids anyway so she should get as many as she wants. The probelm with this is DSS is NOT home to raise these kids. He travels for work and is home, if he's lucky, every other weekend. She just had #5 and is talking about #6. I'm not sure what she thinks she's accomplishing by popping out babies but that seems to be her purpose in life.
There comes a point when you need to concentrate on doing right by the children who are already here and quit playing pregnant princess followed by an encore of mom to a newborn...
How is it your concern how many children they choose to have? This is an issue with your stepson and his wife, unless your stepson's name is PaulFrank and is looking for advice from the peanut gallery.
If my husband came to me (back before I got my tubes tied) and said "Anon, I've changed my mind. I want kids afterall."
I'd tell him I'll miss him, but I won't stop him from divorcing me and finding a woman who is more suitable to his needs than I am.
Of course, he'll still be expected to provide for my housing like he does now, but he'd lose the right to share that housing with me and would need to share new housing with his new wife.
I'd be very sad. But we went into our marriage knowing that neither of us wanted children. It's a deal-breaker. Just like if he had become addicted to heroin, or if I chose to have multiple partners. Or if either of us ever raised a hand in anger to the other.
These are all deal breakers, in -our- relationship. Everyone's relationships are a series of negotiations, but there are lines over which one does not cross. You have to establish those lines at the start. And if you are thinking of breaking those lines, you must be willing to accept the consequences.
In my relationship with my spouse, a deal breaker is a marriage breaker. There's no discussion, no re-negotiation. *I* will not raise a child in my home, mine or someone else's. It's not negotiable. *He* will not abide by another man sharing his wife's body. Also not negotiable. As adults, we accept these deals when we marry our spouses. Our emotions might get in the way sometimes, but our maturity as adults would keep those emotions in check. Or, we can follow our hearts, and accept the fact that the deal has been broken, and the marriage is over. It's a choice you make when you are an adult faced with a deal breaker. You can break the deal - marriage over - and do what you feel will make you happiest. Or you can stick with the deal, and do what you know has already made you happy for x amount of years til this point.
If my husband came to me (back before I got my tubes tied) and said "Anon, I've changed my mind. I want kids afterall."
I'd tell him I'll miss him, but I won't stop him from divorcing me and finding a woman who is more suitable to his needs than I am.
Of course, he'll still be expected to provide for my housing like he does now, but he'd lose the right to share that housing with me and would need to share new housing with his new wife.
I'd be very sad. But we went into our marriage knowing that neither of us wanted children. It's a deal-breaker. Just like if he had become addicted to heroin, or if I chose to have multiple partners. Or if either of us ever raised a hand in anger to the other.
These are all deal breakers, in -our- relationship. Everyone's relationships are a series of negotiations, but there are lines over which one does not cross. You have to establish those lines at the start. And if you are thinking of breaking those lines, you must be willing to accept the consequences.
In my relationship with my spouse, a deal breaker is a marriage breaker. There's no discussion, no re-negotiation. *I* will not raise a child in my home, mine or someone else's. It's not negotiable. *He* will not abide by another man sharing his wife's body. Also not negotiable. As adults, we accept these deals when we marry our spouses. Our emotions might get in the way sometimes, but our maturity as adults would keep those emotions in check. Or, we can follow our hearts, and accept the fact that the deal has been broken, and the marriage is over. It's a choice you make when you are an adult faced with a deal breaker. You can break the deal - marriage over - and do what you feel will make you happiest. Or you can stick with the deal, and do what you know has already made you happy for x amount of years til this point.
The difference I see between this and the OP's situation is that his wife is already a mom. He is already a dad. He isn't trying to deny her being a mom. She already is x4. That won't change. I can't see child #5 being a deal breaker.
Yes, NEITHER is right or wrong but there doesn't seem to be much room for compromise. He walks out on the family if another baby shows up, she is threatening to leave him if one doesn't.
It's when NEITHER is right or wrong when it can be the most difficult to resolve.
I don't think any of us can tell them to have another baby or not to have another baby. It's not like something that would be obviously wrong like committing adultery, the wife wanting a baby isn't WRONG nor is it wrong for him to decide he's had more than enough kids. It comes down to what they as a couple will do and if the marriage is salvageable. It doesn't look too good in my view, one little baby and he's out the door and he's been close to that long before it was 5 children but when it was just 2.
He isn't the one threatening to leave. She is. There is something seriously wrong in the head if she thinks ending a marriage over child #5 is the best option.
How is it your concern how many children they choose to have? This is an issue with your stepson and his wife, unless your stepson's name is PaulFrank and is looking for advice from the peanut gallery.
It seems it's ALWAYS everyone else's concern how many kids other people want to have.
Not so long ago if a woman DIDN'T want a bunch of kids, people would say there was something wrong with her, and if a woman said she never wanted any kids and wanted to dedicate herself to a career, everyone would have been calling a shrink.
It's changed around, now the woman who wants kids is seen as the looney-tunes and in need of drugs to get her to conform better.
People who don't even know this woman have diagnosed her as mentally ill. Many are women who do the typical thing many women do in listening to a man complain about his wife.
If this marriage is going to be saved, Paul Frank has to discuss this with his wife and listen to her side of it and care something about what she thinks, not what we think. If he won't do that, no wonder she's ready to walk out. And maybe if he will discuss and listen to her then she might just listen to his side and they can work something out.
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