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Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
PaulFrank...I really think your wife is just depressed...she had fallen in love with the new baby she thought she would have.....I feel and hope that a bit more time is needed, and that she may then have a difference of opinion...I think she is still grieving....and I also think that the other 4 young children will keep her so busy that soon things will again become "smooth" in your life with her....but in the meantime it might not be a bad idea to get some snipping done asap...if you know what I mean...
I agree with this. I imagine that being forced to deal with the end of your reproductive life by a miscarriage is unsettling on a very basic and primal level for a woman; kind of like a man realizing that he's in decline when it becomes clear that his son is stronger than he is... There's a lot of existential angst happening here and dealing with one's own mortality...
That sort of crisis is likely to resolve with time.
I doubt this is going to result in the end of the marriage and she'll probably appreciate the wisdom of stopping at 4 in the future.
My first thoughts upon reading the OP was... "Holy shyte!"
There are a zillion thoughts racing around my head, but I don't dare express a single one lest I be slammed with "personal attacks" and banned forever from CD.
OMG. Just stop already. Please. For God's sake. Stop having children. If you can't even figure out how to use effective birth control.....omg.....never mind.
somebody shoot me.
People should be required to get a license to breed (and pass a test).
I agree with this. I imagine that being forced to deal with the end of your reproductive life by a miscarriage is unsettling on a very basic and primal level for a woman; kind of like a man realizing that he's in decline when it becomes clear that his son is stronger than he is... There's a lot of existential angst happening here and dealing with one's own mortality...
That sort of crisis is likely to resolve with time.
I doubt this is going to result in the end of the marriage and she'll probably appreciate the wisdom of stopping at 4 in the future.
OR.....perhaps it's a lot like having a hot wife that you love more than life itself, but can't get it up any more....ever.
To the OP - this is going to be a brutal answer, probably the most brutal you'll get.
You are married to a mentally ill person.
Apparently one with lots of time in her hands - mostly spent on analyzing her "inner-most feelings and desires".
The entire story, the way you both have rationalized getting to "four" along the way sounds mind-boggling to me; and now she wants "five" because something "deep inside her" tells her she should have yet another one. Just 'cause of that "feeling deep inside her". Waow.
This country is in need of a much more ferocious recession than what it has seen in the past years. Possibly something apocalyptic.
That might take care of things - who knows?
In a world where divorce would have zero negative effects on children, I would say "run, run, as fast as you can, so you'll be far away from this woman, Ginger Bread man".
But this is not such a world and this is not just about your well-being and remaining sanity.
It is also about all the kids you guys brought into this world because you felt it would be...hmmm... "a nice idea".
So if you say "no way, Jose" and you simply refuse to have sex with her - what's her plan B? Take the four kids she has and go find a genius who will agree with the fifth?
Yeap. We're in the proverbial "hand-basket".
NOW FOR REAL.
I'll be 41 this year and she'll be 38. I've told her I don't want anymore kids because I will already be in my mid 60 or even 70 with a child still living in the home. I don't want the expense, the stress, the risk of an unhealthy baby, and I want a life after kids in the house. A little bit at least. Oh, and I also had to change our insurance and now we don't have maternity coverage.
None of this matters to my wife. She is on a personal mission to get this baby. She says she loves me and our family, but we are at extreme odds on this. Today she told me she is sick of me making all the decisions, which is news to me, and that she wants out. Sighting that I didn't let her baptize the kids the cathonic way (she's cathonic I'm not) and now I won't have another baby.
What do you mean by the idea that you'll be in your mid 60s or even 70 with a child at home? Right now, you're 41 and your wife is 38. I doubt your child would still be living at home at nearly 30...
The high level description of how the first 4 kids came about is just that "high level". To give some background to our lives with having children. They were not accidents, most unplanned, but never accidents. They are incredible and both myself and my wife love them too death.
I believe my wife is in a very dark place that is affecting her normal way of dealing and processing what has occurred. Unfortunately, knowing my wife that could mean she will take this all the way over the edge with how strong her will is. That is incredibly sad and I'm not sure what the future will hold for either of us.
I've scheduled a counselor finally, but she has also mentioned she has contacted a lawyer as well. I mentioned that's pre-mature and will only make this more difficult. Her reply was that if she doesn't want to continue with the counseling at least she will have the other options "rolling". She doesn't sound very committed to the counseling at all and that could be a very short journey for her.
It's more common now a days for children to live at home into their early 20s (going to school, etc, etc). At 22, I would be almost 65. Remember IF we did have a fifth it would probably be close to or slightly over a year from now. Her cycle has not continued yet since the miscarriage. Regardless, I just think there is higher risk at our age, I strongly feel it's just time to stop, it's already a stress to keep the life we have with expenses and that will only increase, I also HAD to make adjustments to health insurance and drop maternity for her on a private plan with increases in insurance (kids are still on my group plan), I want to focus on the kids we have and not just keep having more kids and more kids (when does it stop), and what if she has another miscarriage (that would just be a wonderful event to occur). GEEZ!! IT'S TIME TO STOP and focus on what we have (which is a LOT...at least I think it's a LOT).
The high level description of how the first 4 kids came about is just that "high level". To give some background to our lives with having children. They were not accidents, most unplanned, but never accidents. They are incredible and both myself and my wife love them too death.
I believe my wife is in a very dark place that is affecting her normal way of dealing and processing what has occurred. Unfortunately, knowing my wife that could mean she will take this all the way over the edge with how strong her will is. That is incredibly sad and I'm not sure what the future will hold for either of us.
I've scheduled a counselor finally, but she has also mentioned she has contacted a lawyer as well. I mentioned that's pre-mature and will only make this more difficult. Her reply was that if she doesn't want to continue with the counseling at least she will have the other options "rolling". She doesn't sound very committed to the counseling at all and that could be a very short journey for her.
I still can't believe this is happening.
Unfortunately, if your wife has her mind set to wreck your marriage, there's nothing you can do to stop her. She'll either come to her senses or leave. Your lawyer will know what constitutes abandonment if she does. (No matter what, do not leave. If anyone leaves, it must be she.)
It's very sad that your wife is willing to do this to your children and to try to blackmail you into having another child against your wishes. Even if you gave her a child, I don't think that would fix what is going on with her.
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