Why do people over 40ish still support their adult kids? (ADHD, boys)

[L'Artiste]

Originally Posted by rego00123

i would say this isn't the case at all. getting a CAREER isn't like what it use to be, but a job that you can get by on is always out there. people just don't want to be bothered with doing work anymore unless its on their terms and to their liking.

this is where a large majority of "those" people come in with the but but but but when trying to explain why they cannot possibly have any form of a job and need support from outside sources that never even add up in the end.



its 16 if you are talking what is legally allowed

Well that's YOUR reality, I'm just telling you what I see and lived

[EnzyteBob]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Why would working in a family business be any different than working in a non-family business? The pool of clients wouldn't be any different. Interaction with other businesses, suppliers, attendance of relevant conferences, etc. wouldn't be any different.

Any small organization limits your prospects. It's different if you work in a large organization. You rub elbows with more people. It's like built in networking.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by EnzyteBob

Any small organization limits your prospects. It's different if you work in a large organization. You rub elbows with more people. It's like built in networking.

OK, that's true. That's what I was thinking myself. So it's not about a family business, exactly, it's about the size of the business. (Hey, even Wal-Mart is a family business, or was, for a long time.)

[Yeledaf]

Originally Posted by Badger55

who the hell pays taxes ate age 13?

Hey! Me in the back!

Yeah, I did. In 1959. I had a summer job at age 13. I made a dollar an hour as a percher in a textile mill. My gross pay was forty bucks a week. Minus the four dollars withheld for income tax and Social Security (Medicare tax didn't come along for another seven years), I took home 36.

Of course, that was enough for almost 150 gallons of gas at 1959 prices!!! Or 180 hamburgers...or a dozen big pizzas...or.......

In 1959,

House: $30,000
Average income: $5,016
Ford car: $2,132-$3,979
Milk: $1.01 / gallon
Gas: $.25 / gallon
Bread $.20
Postage stamp: $.04
Brook Trout: $ .59 lb.
T-Bone steak: $1.09 lb.

Oops. Sorry for the interruption. Senior moment.

Carry on.

[Mrs. Skeffington]

Originally Posted by EnzyteBob

There's a black guy in my subdivision who has one of those on his front porch. I'm not joking.

I live in rural Penna., and you see lots of jockeys here. A few painted white, but mostly black. Once my daughter and I took a long hike down some unexplored dirt roads, and we passed a farm house with one out front. The homeowner was sitting on his porch. I yelled out, "Nice jockey!" He looked down at his lap. I said, "Your statue!" He said, "Thanks". After we got well out of earshot, my daughter (who was 16 at the time) and I fell on each other laughing. She said, "He thought you were admiring his underwear!" (As in "nice Jockeys"). Sorry, off topic.

Back to the subject, my daughter started working in her grandparents' business at age 13 and it hasn't hurt her any. 15 years later, she now runs the whole operation (and has even expanded it). Her dad (my DH) does her bookkeeping part time. Not only is she not living in our basement, she has a beautiful country home that is bigger than ours! I'd kill to live in HER basement. It has an exercise/weight room, sauna, rec room with a pool table...

[NickL28]

Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope

Before anyone goes jumping down my throat about college educations etc, this thread is in direct opposition to another one which states people under 30 shouldn't have kids because for some reason they/their kids are blots on the landscape and a burden on the tax payer.

No word yet about HOW a 25 year old new mum who has been working and paying taxes since age 13 and in full time employment since age 17 is accomplishing the feat of draining taxes when reliant on her husbands income, but I'm sure there will be.

These days, the parents who are now nearing retirement age still often have grown kidults hulking moodily in their basement, demanding food and laundry and money and respect, purely for being alive.

Why don't they just tell them to get a JOB and earn it themselves like we all did?

These kidults seem to spend most of their time on their computers, fantasising how their lives will be when they "grow up" and get married (like they have something to offer apart from a bad case of entitlement), engaging in computer dating and posting their resulting misery on random forums.

Yet the same kidults seem to think they are in a position to tell the rest of the world when to reproduce, and with whom.

Relationship regulars...discuss.

Mostly because of apologist guilt. In the US, these parents likely voted for Bush & Reagan and then Obama in the last 2 elections. Notice, that most under 40 are far more to the left poltically than those the same age even 10-15 years ago.
Parents believe that
A) Debt = Wealth
B) Their kids deserve nice things (even if they can't pay for them themselves)
C) Student loan debt is good debt and cosigned the max (mostly to use on stuff considered frivolous like a new car, spring break jaunts, designer clothing)
D) Likely because of all the apologist drivel targeted toward young people (or "Millenials") as CNN & MSNBC likes to call them like they are so special because they were born & grew up at a specific time period

[longnecker]

Originally Posted by dr74

I would never say NO to my son..especially in this economy..
The fact that he was attaining a higher education..working, paid rent?
Times are hard and have been..
I think free loading kids? no.But kids whom are adults, working? No reason why not.
My sister stated this to me 2 weeks ago after hearing a sad story from one of her young co-workers..
She stated to me.. "If my daughter called me at 35 an stated that her husband had cheated on her and hurt her and her my grandchildren and her needed a place to live? I would not state why, how, how long" I would let her live with me because she is my daughter and those are my grandkids"

Both of my adult stepkids have returned home with their kids during hard times. Unfortunately we trusted my stepson after he graduated from Community College after 5 years of living with us with his kids. He seemed to have become responsible. We offered him the last of our rental houses which had become a pain dealing with the tenants. Pay the mortgage and taxes and when his credit improves and he could get a mortgage we would put it in his name. Great.Right?? Good for all concerned. Not to get out all the detail but he didn't pay and didn't let us know . Cost me Thousands and damaged my credit. Because we tried to help him my wife no longer sees her grandchildren.

[animalcrazy]

"Kidults hulking moodily in the basement" LOL love that line but describes my useless brother perfectly. I think a mental health/alcoholic totally spoiled by my codependent mother were contributing factors. A friend at work told be about her brother who had a successful dental practice that now lives at home with mom and doesn't work anymore. Her sister also lives at home and never had a job. My other friends brother is a police officer that lives with their mom to "take care of her." I guess there are many reasons but the common denominator seems to be a weak needy mother.

[MsAnnThrope]

Originally Posted by burgler09

Stupid thread, it's not a social norm at all... it's looked down upon greatly. What's the point in beating a dead horse?

There are losers everywhere, to ponder about them is nothing more than a waste of time.
.

Lol 10 pages and 4 rep comments over night tells me the thread is not "stupid" - but I did start it as a kind of joke, which seems to have escaped you.

You do realise that "social norms" change, right? That debate creates positive change?

Originally Posted by Badger55

LOL looks like this thread backfired on MissAnthrope

I have a theory the above posters are actually the same person. Sitting in their mother's basement.

Originally Posted by CountryFisher

Because they've babied their children all of their lives and thus the children never really become fully mature or independent from their parents. This seems to be more of a mothering thing though, or as the saying goes, "smothering". They need to cut the apron strings and let their children be free.


There was a similar problem with the GI generation back in the 1940s. It was estimated that nearly a million men were kicked out of the army due to incompetence from being raised by overprotective mothers. This is how the term "momism" came to be about.

This^^^ is very interesting...also that it appears to have originated in the US.

Parents forget (more and more these days) that their duty is essentially to raise a well rounded adult who contributes to society and goes on to raise their own well rounded adults who contribute to society, and so on. I blame Oprah and Dr Phil for some of it, constantly brainwashing us that the children are the most important members of a household. It used to be the opposite, for eons. The reversal is strictly a 21st century phenomenon, and society is pretty much breaking apart in front of our eyes, largely due to individuals pursuing what they percieve as their own entitlement, which causes selfish, criminal, and self serving behaviour. Cause and effect maybe?

I did not suffer a hover-mother, as she was a child of WWII and was quite convinced any one who had shoes was spoiled rotten anyway.

My father was of the generation of kids who got an orange for Christmas and were thrilled...there were a lot of kids in every family and no spare money at all, because he grew up in the depression.

These young people think they are the only ones who grew up in a recession!

My birth country has been going backwards since 1970 or so, unemployment was something like 12% when I was young. Hence me cleaning houses and working in canneries (strong work ethic, not picky).

In two generations, we have gone from folks who earnt $65 a year but still managed, to fat arsed entitled babies who blame "the economy" for their own failings and fear.

My first pay packet for a 40 hour week in a bank was $19. I was not able to go to university as I would have been unable to live at home, due to the fact my parent required weekly board once I left high school. (I would never demand board off my child).

Yes, $19. In a bank. A "good" job, in the 80s. What chance did I ever have to buy a house or even a car???????

But 30 years later, that's exactly what I've done - despite having zero family support, being homeless several times, moving countries alone, having and rearing 2 kids (without child support) putting them through private school unassisted. I own my own (large, expensive) house which is now tenanted and in 12 months time I will start turning a profit on it.

Where will these youngsters be in 20 years? Oh wait, it's January, make that 19 years.

Highly educated basement dwellers, most likely.

So who's better off in the long run? Me, who had parents who were not of the indulgent generation, or those still sitting in the loungeroom dominating the remote control at age 25+?

This thread started as a reaction to another one that stated people who have children under 30 are drains on society.

People who had children under 30 created this society. It's the kidults who are ruining it, in my opinion.

[TheHale]

Well I don't qualify as a regular yet, but I'd like to offer my views on the subject anyway. It's something I'm fairly well aquainted with.

Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope

These days, the parents who are now nearing retirement age still often have grown kidults hulking moodily in their basement, demanding food and laundry and money and respect, purely for being alive.

The parents old enough to have 25+ year-old kids are generally of the boomer generation. In the US, at least, this is the generation that has come to value convenience and materialism over all else. The feast at the end of WWII generated a mindset far different from the one born out of the famine of the Depression.

As far as demanding respect purely for being alive... there is an argument to be made over the fact that no one is born with his or her consent. Some people feel as though life was something foisted upon them. Add to that the declining state of parenting, and you have a generation of young adults who have been raised to believe asinine things like "the world is yer oyster!" and other such drivel. Many young adults today simply haven't been prepared for how much life can suck. Don't blame the kid for thinking he's a special gift to the world, blame the parents for constantly telling him he is.

Frankly, I think the sharp increase in youth suicide is a symptom of this issue. Kids are constantly told how great life is, as they're discovering how bad it actually is most of the time. Kids are taught that life is an adventure, when they start to discover that it's nothing short of a psychotic-breakdown-inducing slog. When kids can't cope with that, they start offing themselves.

Why don't they just tell them to get a JOB and earn it themselves like we all did?

Unlike their parents, the Boomers, today's youth haven't grown up in an employment-rich environment. Try telling the guy who applied to over 100 jobs last week to "go get a job", after they've been turned down everywhere because they're either:

1)Underqualified - We can't hire you unless you have experience!
2)Overqualified - We can't afford to pay what you're worth!
3)Not resume savvy - Our HR robo- er, people didn't see enough generic buzzwords!
4)Too resume savvy - Your resume passed HR. Hooray! Now the guy who does the actual hiring thinks your resume has too many generic buzzwords!
5)A face in the crowd - You know that job you're applying for? We have 300+ applicants for it!

Don't get me started on the education push, either. The US is getting topheavy with college degree holders who won't or can't take the lesser-paying jobs that we need to sustain a functioning society. Add to that the illegal immigrants who are taking those jobs, and bringing criminal activity with them, and you have a growing population that's taking more from the economy than they're contributing.

These aren't "excuses" for today's youth not getting jobs, this is a much-needed acknowledgement that no one issue (employment, education, immigration, crime, etc) exists in a vacuum. Telling someone to "go get a job" is increasingly like telling a man in the desert to go get a drink of water. Telling someone to get a job that they can reasonably sustain themselves on is increasingly tantamount to telling them to get a college degree. Great. Except for the tens, if not hundreds of thousands in debt that they'll be saddled with until they can get a decent job... which is still no guarantee.

These kidults seem to spend most of their time on their computers, fantasising how their lives will be when they "grow up" and get married (like they have something to offer apart from a bad case of entitlement), engaging in computer dating and posting their resulting misery on random forums.

Many of these "kidults" had "parents" (no funny pun available) who absolutely had no business being parents. Bad parenting can mess a kid up well into adulthood... ask me how I know.

Yet the same kidults seem to think they are in a position to tell the rest of the world when to reproduce, and with whom.

And one could argue that these kidults are uniquely qualified to offer an opinion on who should, and shouldn't be bringing kids into the world. Thanks to what I, and my siblings are, I can spot trainwreck parents from miles and years away.

People who had children under 30 created this society. It's the kidults who are ruining it, in my opinion

You blame the kidults for ruining an inherently unsustainable society that their parents created? The kidults have been handed a house of cards now being threatened by the weight of their parents' excesses!

In closing, a wonderful quote which somewhat relates:

Originally Posted by Lewis Mumford

In the suburb one might live and die without marring the image of an innocent world, except when some shadow of its evil fell over a column in the newspaper. Thus the suburb served as an asylum for the preservation of illusion. Here domesticity could flourish, forgetful of the exploitation on which so much of it was based. Here individuality could prosper oblivious of the pervasive regimentation beyond. This was not merely a child-centered environment; it was based on a childish view of the world in which reality was sacrificed to the pleasure principle.