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I love my husband, but I would stop at nothing to protect my child.
I would walk away from my spouse, my home, my state, my entire life to ensure his safety.
But I must add, thankfully I have never had to be faced with the decision, and although some other stories I hear horrify me, I do not know what it's like to walk in their shoes so I try very hard not to judge without knowing all of the circumstances.
This is not a world that most of us understand, I certainly don't. If it was my spouse I would first ensure the absolute safety of my kid. I would then be very concerned about my spouse. My concern for them would overshadow my anger.
But keeping my eyes shut? No, that's not a possibility.
...although some other stories I hear horrify me, I do not know what it's like to walk in their shoes so I try very hard not to judge without knowing all of the circumstances.
While I understand this point of view, there are some circumstances that are so harmful and irreversible (like immanent death) that require people to set aside all victimhood, squeamishness, cowardice, personal security or relationship to rectify. Child sexual abuse is one of those things, most especially for those in a care taking role. I stand by No Excuses.
I am definitely inclined to agree, and the circumstances I'm referencing are so very few & far between, but there really are some people who are SO financially dependent on their spouse... they literally have no access to bank accounts / jobs of their own / other family or friends (lame example, but think "Sleeping With The Enemy") that their options are limited to stay or be homeless.... combine that with the fact that many were sexually abused themselves (unfortunately the cycle repeats) that they are so detached and desensitized.
Again, I can't emphasize enough how it's never even remotely ok to know your child (really any child) is being abused and do NOTHING. And again, I am so thankful that #1 I don't have to deal with this and #2 if I did I feel confident and have the means to get myself and my child OUT.
I am definitely inclined to agree, and the circumstances I'm referencing are so very few & far between, but there really are some people who are SO financially dependent on their spouse... they literally have no access to bank accounts / jobs of their own / other family or friends (lame example, but think "Sleeping With The Enemy") that their options are limited to stay or be homeless.... combine that with the fact that many were sexually abused themselves (unfortunately the cycle repeats) that they are so detached and desensitized.
Again, I can't emphasize enough how it's never even remotely ok to know your child (really any child) is being abused and do NOTHING. And again, I am so thankful that #1 I don't have to deal with this and #2 if I did I feel confident and have the means to get myself and my child OUT.
Then be homeless. Why inflict long term damage on an innocent child because of your poor choices and lack of self-sufficiency?
These are all extreme cases. What I was originally talking about was someone who does not have a drug abuse problem, someone who has access to other options if they speak out about what is happening, and yet they don't. Educated people. People who know better. Or are supposed to.
I was just reading a story about a mother who went to jail for neglect and admitted that she had allowed her husband 'access' to their young daughter because she was afraid if she didn't, he would leave her. She had a degree and a good job. She lived in a nice neighborhood. What was her excuse?
Then be homeless. Why inflict long term damage on an innocent child because of your poor choices and lack of self-sufficiency?
These are all extreme cases. What I was originally talking about was someone who does not have a drug abuse problem, someone who has access to other options if they speak out about what is happening, and yet they don't. Educated people. People who know better. Or are supposed to.
I was just reading a story about a mother who went to jail for neglect and admitted that she had allowed her husband 'access' to their young daughter because she was afraid if she didn't, he would leave her. She had a degree and a good job. She lived in a nice neighborhood. What was her excuse?
I certainly would chose homelessness (again, infinitely thankful I would have other options), and yes, I agree extreme cases are rare. I am certainly not excusing turning a blind eye to child abuse. Just sayin' we really don't know WHY certain people make certain choices, and it's not always so black and white. I would venture a guess that this woman you referenced was probably an abuse victim herself. Does it excuse her behavior? Absolutely not. Just might give one more insight as to why she made certain choices, as poor as they were.
This is something I've wondered about myself. Most child abuse deaths are committed by the mom's new boyfriend or new husband, and I cannot imagine some fling of mine putting his hands on my child, or even speaking to her in a tone I don't like. The only thing I can imagine would be these women are just too weak and selfish to want to put forth the effort to be mothers...and these men know how to find women like that.
I am shocked by how much this goes on. It's horrific.
In my area - North East Ohio, an individual - I can't call him a man or a person - pleaded guilty for the killing of his "girl friend's" fourteen year old son. This sickens me.
Today Zaryl Bush was sentenced to 33 years to life for the beating beath of a child, Teddy Foltz. His "mother" was aware of this, as were neighbors.
The abuse took place over a period of three years. When Teddy and his brothers were suspected of abuse by their school, the parents pulled them out of public school and decided to "home school" them.
The home school of Zaryl Bush involved beatings, verbal abuse, being left out in the cold and being forced to walk across hot coals in bare feet.
Child Services was called, but nothing was done.
This is an all too familiar scenario.
I am personally sick of hearing about this. Adults living in the home who are lovers or spouses of a parent should be investigated.
Yesterday our local newspaper had an article about a step-father who sexually abused his preteen stepdaughter. It was reported that he had been been "talking to her (his wife) about having sex with her daughters for over three years". The assault actual occurred when the wife brought her daughter to their bedroom and watched as her husband "engaged in three different sexual acts" with her daughter.
The preteen girl told her sister who told their biological father.
Both the mother and the stepfather were charged with several crimes. I personally feel that they should both rot in prison and then rot in hell.
Someone commented to me personally that perhaps my opinion that a silent "partner" is equally culpable was derived from a childhood free of abuse. In fact, though I did not experience sexual abuse, I was physically abused by my father (as was my brother) until I was old enough and strong enough to defend myself. I moved out of the house immediately thereafter at 17. Fortunately my parents "found God" and my younger siblings escaped much of that. Two of my best friends were sexually abused by their fathers. I suspect one of the mothers knew by her behavior so I am familiar on a personal level with this issue.
It took years and multiple thousands of dollars in therapy for me to come out on the other side of physical abuse and frankly I had a harder time with mom allowing that violence in her house as it came out in my therapy sessions. My friends are not anywhere near "fixed" and never will be.
As a beaten child I developed a very strong sense of justice and an iron will. My abuse made me strong. I determined that I'd live on a mountain top eating berries and herding goats alone if I couldn't create a loving and peaceful home for myself in this world. I'd sooner live on the street, in a shelter, in the woods, be dead broke, eat from dumpsters, get beaten myself than have a defenseless creature I love be subjected to that type of violation. I know the damage that less can do. FWIW.
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