Selfish kids at Christmas time. (out of control, divorced, single mom, wife)

[nativeDallasite]

Originally Posted by MoonlightMadness

My in-laws are now those adults drowning in debt. They can't say "no" nor do they want to (even though they say otherwise). Their parents (esp. their father) would take out loans & go overboard buying presents for 5 kids. ANYTHING they wanted they received. Today they have families of their own. And they not only go overboard with their own kids but their nieces & nephews also. They want to recreate their Christmas memories with all their kids. And heaven forbid you don't keep up - you're a "cheap SOB". Of course I won't give in & usually make the kids something. And the total I spend on all the kids is what they spend for each child. I just found out one of my in-laws is 3 months behind on her mortgage. But she & her hubby still insist they have to go all out buying gifts for everyone's kids. They don't want to see any disappointed little faces. I guess keeping a roof over your own kids' heads isn't as important as making sure everyone else's kids have a "happy" Christmas.

That's utterly shocking, but I have a feeling she's far from the only one!

[Granny Sue]

I'm one of 4 children my parents raised on a country preachers salary....now before the violins start...we never knew we were "poor."
It was a great day in our house when the Sears Catalog arrived...each child had a chance to go thru it. We all knew how many ##'s could be in the sale price before we could mark it. Three big things and three little things. Then the magic catalog would go away.
Starting the wonderful 12 days of Christmas Mom would come up with different little games, whoever won got to open a little gift. It would always be something small and in our eyes "lame" so we were encouraged to give it to the church. Over the years we figured out that she was teaching us to give to others. As the years went by it got harder to give up our treasures but we did.
Christmas day came and we would get one of the "big" things we wanted and two of the little ones. Our stockings had fruit and candy canes. We found out later that they would never spend more than $20.00 per child.
When I moved out, my roommate was whining about not expecting much that Christmas because her parents were sick, out of work, poor, blah blah blah...we went to our repective homes and when we got back we showed what we got. I was excited about the few humble things I received, she came back with 2 months worth of clothes, a TV, stereo, big name cosmetics, and expensive perfume. I swear these were her words..."See, I told you I woudn't get much."
Instead of feeling poor, I was disgusted by both the $$ that was spent and her attitude.
My children never got showered with gifts and they turned out just fine.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by captnemo62

I'm one of 4 children my parents raised on a country preachers salary....now before the violins start...we never knew we were "poor."
It was a great day in our house when the Sears Catalog arrived...each child had a chance to go thru it. We all knew how many ##'s could be in the sale price before we could mark it. Three big things and three little things. Then the magic catalog would go away.
Starting the wonderful 12 days of Christmas Mom would come up with different little games, whoever won got to open a little gift. It would always be something small and in our eyes "lame" so we were encouraged to give it to the church. Over the years we figured out that she was teaching us to give to others. As the years went by it got harder to give up our treasures but we did.
Christmas day came and we would get one of the "big" things we wanted and two of the little ones. Our stockings had fruit and candy canes. We found out later that they would never spend more than $20.00 per child.
When I moved out, my roommate was whining about not expecting much that Christmas because her parents were sick, out of work, poor, blah blah blah...we went to our repective homes and when we got back we showed what we got. I was excited about the few humble things I received, she came back with 2 months worth of clothes, a TV, stereo, big name cosmetics, and expensive perfume. I swear these were her words..."See, I told you I woudn't get much."
Instead of feeling poor, I was disgusted by both the $$ that was spent and her attitude.
My children never got showered with gifts and they turned out just fine.

No violins here, but definetely tears!! Thanks for such a wonderful story!!

[treeg26]

It is so nice to hear these stories! I hope we can teach our children to be grateful for what they have!

[Sage of Sagle]

I came from a wealthy family, my wife from a family that was financially stable but of much more average means. Of the two, her family's Christmas was always my favorite...

At our house, we jokingly called it the "gift orgy". For each person, probably 10-15 gifts...some of them pretty expensive (Armani, Tag-Heuer, Bose, even new cars). When it was time to unwrap, it was like a starter pistol and everyone tore into their gifts, barely seeing what was in one box before ripping into another. Now, we were raised to be polite kids, so when all was said and done each person would show what they got and go around and make proper thanks, but the WAY it was done was out of hand.

My wife's family was great. They would go around the room (Christmas Eve) and watch each person open their gift, so everyone got to revel in each person's joy. And it could be something pricey on occasion, but usually was something very normal and affordable, etc. Then Christmas Day, they would do a gift game (exchange) with nothing over $20, and some gag gifts thrown in. THAT was way more enjoyable than my family's way of doing it.

So when it came time for my wife and I to choose a method, it was a no-brainer. Her family's way is rewarding for everyone who buys and receives a gift, and fun for all to watch the giving and receiving take place.

With our kids, it's pretty modest. In fact, some of the people who work for me spend 2-3x more on their kids (per child) at Christmas that we do for ours. But our kids know that it's about the spirit of Christmas and not the conspicuous consumption. And they buy or make things (yes, even teen girls) for each other, and you know, their rooms still have things they've made for each other over the years when purchased things have been outgrown or outmoded, so that's pretty neat.

[DavePautsch]

Has anyone noticed that the best ideas in this thread are ones where its the parents "modeling" the behavior they want to see in the children?

Every year my wife visits one of the local "giving trees" and has our girls pick off a name and then takes them shopping to buy a gift for the child. She has them help put together the care packages we take to the church too.

I only wish I was as good a role model as my bride...but our kids have grown up (they are 11 and 15 now) seeing her focus on everyone else at Christmas. It's interesting that yesterday when I took my daughter shopping for Mom, she wanted (insisted actually) on spending her own money.

Don't get me wrong...they have their moments of "wanting" just as much as any other child their ages...but whenever it gets out of hand I always ask them "what does **** Jagger say" ... at which point they'll roll their eyes and say with a little grin..."You Can't Always Get What You Want."

Whoever thought that the Rolling Stones would give me the greatest piece of parenting advice ever!

Merry Christmas

Dave

[Fat Freddy]

We got around the Christmas nonsense by telling our daughter we didn't celebrate it because we were Jewish. When she asked about Judaism, we told her we had converted to Buddhism and told her to light incense and meditate.

As she got older, she realized that we were neither Jewish not Buddhists, but were non-religious, anti-materialistic, non-conformists.

By that time, she was also.

Now over 30 years later, we still don't celebrate Christmas except for sending our daughter a couple hundred bucks in "the spirit of the season".

She and her friends are Pagans and celebrate the season more in line with it's traditional origins before it was pre-empted by the Christians and the Capitalists.

[Chinolala]

I think kids want "more" because parents start indulging them early on and the idea of acquiring "stuff" gets instilled in them. Children look to their parents and observe their parents on how to react to things, what their expectations should be and so forth. If you start out buying your children 2 or3 things when they're toddlers and maintain that, that is what they will expect. If you stand outside of Target or Best Buy for 2 hours with a wristband on to get the latest thing that they want, that's what they will expect.

[Sampaguita]

Originally Posted by tinkerbell08

Best advise. Your so right! Everybody should do this and we would all be enjoying holidays much more.
lol

It's interesting to watch the stress everyone goes through during the holidays trying to find gifts for everyone. I usually love gift shopping but when it becomes stressful? Forget it. The whole spirit of Christmas just gets lost. DH and I are so over it! When our children are old enough, we'll do our darndest to keep things simple and meaningful.

[AnthonyB]

Originally Posted by lisak64

I think kids want "more" because parents start indulging them early on and the idea of acquiring "stuff" gets instilled in them. Children look to their parents and observe their parents on how to react to things, what their expectations should be and so forth. If you start out buying your children 2 or3 things when they're toddlers and maintain that, that is what they will expect. If you stand outside of Target or Best Buy for 2 hours with a wristband on to get the latest thing that they want, that's what they will expect.

I wholeheartedly agree. It starts with parents trying to give their kids the "perfect Christmas", with the perfect tree and the perfect presents and the Kodak moment and the fantastic lunch, and on and on and on. Trying to recreate their own childhoods even better than they remember it, or like something from a Hollywood movie.
The kids come to expect it.

What a shame, the point of Christmas is supposed to be commemorating the birth of Christ, and honoring his life, which was about good works, no? People need to just stop focusing on the "stuff". Even buying stuff for others feeds in to it. Does a poor kid really need a Nintendo or a warm coat? How about a warm meal? How about spending the season visiting the elderly, paying one of their utility bills, or cooking at a soup kitchen - isn't THAT what Christmas is supposed to be about, not an orgy of consumption?