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Old 02-20-2008, 08:07 AM
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
2,868 posts, read 8,443,210 times
Reputation: 1500


Stop enabling her...Cut her off, let her learn responsibility and let her fly.

Old 02-20-2008, 08:14 AM
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 8,695,129 times
Reputation: 1368
She's 28? What the hell are they trying to "teach" her by letting her leech off them this long? I'd say they've gotten what you deserve -- a lazy bum of a daughter who can't fend for herself.

My kids both voluntarily moved out of my house when they were 18, because they were responsible adults with jobs and lives of their own. If either one of them had stayed past college years, I would have kicked them out on their lazy butts.
Old 02-20-2008, 09:11 AM
3,107 posts, read 8,029,664 times
Reputation: 2248
Originally Posted by John1960 View Post
Our answer: While itís true that thereís no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Noraís being a child. Your obligation was to feed her, shelter her, educate her and teach her right from wrong while she was a minor. Now itís her obligation to support herself and not stand in the way of her parentsí retirement - and happiness.

Do the Right Thing When is it okay to cut off adult kids? ę (http://moneyethics.blogs.money.cnn.com/2007/09/24/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-your-kids/ - broken link)
I think THAT is your answer. I would just add that "the clock is running out on Nora's being a child" is a bit innacurate - she may be your child but at age 28 she is no longer A CHILD.

Do HER a favor and let her loose - you're not giving her real help by continuing to support her - she needs to learn how to be an independent adult now.
Old 02-21-2008, 10:57 AM
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,809,927 times
Reputation: 5139
My cousins (both males) lived with my aunt and uncle until they were finished with college. They lived in the garage apartment as roommates and paid rent every month. They did have a few instances where both boys were a little loud, but all in all it worked out really great for them. They also had to pay for their own groceries but were allowed to have supper for free in the house anytime my aunt was cooking. Of course my aunt loved having her boys close by! It was much cheaper for the boys and despite just a few rules (for instance, no girls spending the night, no drinking and driving, no big parties) it was smooth sailing. They knew what kind of sweet deal they had!!
Old 02-21-2008, 11:47 AM
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,000 posts, read 31,942,334 times
Reputation: 30377
I have a friend who is 23 and i think the only reasons that his parents still let him live at home are that he's been laid off (actually works), he's never been in trouble, and the DC area beats up adults without a college education. That i understand, but 28?!

I'm 19 (live at home) and if i still lived at home at 28, i'd be ashamed. I think the thing you need to do is to cut her off, which should have been done AWHILE back.
Old 02-21-2008, 12:51 PM
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,118,164 times
Reputation: 851
Yeah.... I was cut off after college. This doesn't mean that my parents don't occasionally do nice things for me (like my mom paid my car insurance last month without me asking...total surprise, but I'm about to finish my PhD and she knows I'm broke) but I would NEVER expect anything or rely on it. You should always be there emotionally, but financially, they should be on there own unless there is some sort of unexpected life event that they need you for
Old 02-21-2008, 03:57 PM
12,389 posts, read 13,081,092 times
Reputation: 8882
Can you spell ENABLING?

Get thee to an Al-Anon meeting!
It is not "being a good parent" it is doing for others what they can do for themselves.
It is a high act of love and a show of dignity and respect, otherwise you prevent her from having her own life.
Old 02-21-2008, 04:13 PM
5,244 posts, read 4,208,403 times
Reputation: 1837
I'll AGREE with all the postings. You are not helping your child by continuing to treat her like a child. Stop being her friend and be a parent, know when it is time to let her go on her own to see what she can do.
Old 02-21-2008, 07:39 PM
52 posts, read 215,889 times
Reputation: 27
Omg, I feel for you. My daughter is 20 and getting married next month. While I realize that is a little young for marriage, I think she is ready. One thing for sure, adult children in your household can nearly drive you insane. I know it probably makes me sound like a bad mother but I am very much looking forward to her moving out. She's critical, doesn't help out around the house and is verbally abusive to her younger brother. Don't get me wrong, she's a good girl, never given us problems and I love her very much. But I think our lives will be much more peaceable after she moves out.
Old 07-08-2008, 04:19 PM
8,760 posts, read 16,104,943 times
Reputation: 3486
My daughter who is 22 and has just graduated college is working as a waitress, living with her BF in an apartment and paying rent. He has a full time job making a reasonably good salary though my daughter could probably pick up more hours as she is only working around 35 now.
She called today asking for my wife to send her a check to register her car. I said no. She needs to start paying for things on her own. Her health insurance will run out this fall as my wife's plan will only cover her for 6 months after she graduates. We have cut off her gas card and will also stop paying for her cell phone when the plan comes due for renewal in January. She got all indignant with me and hung up! Grateful these kids! After we put her through college and paid for everything including an expensive off campus apartment, two cars,gas, insurances,cell phone ,groceries, and entertainment for four years she still doesn't get it that cut off time has arrived and she needs to figure out things for herself!
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