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Ohh contrare'! As the soon to be weds,,she'll be under the monkey tent.
Granted this story is filled with holes and some pertinent data to make a wise comment. I tend to think the OP is less concerned with taking advice and more inclined to play the adult victim having to actually deal with what most parents of teens already are challenged with. Teens with attitudes .
Good luck. If she is a daddy’s girl the marriage is doomed. Don’t marry unless your demands for this child’s problems are kept. She needs help. She is not having normal behavior. It may get worse as she gets older. I wouldn’t want to have to fight with her dad about her. This little girl needs to realize it’s not all about her anymore.
100%. Kid is always going to come before spouse. At the very least I'd hold off on getting married until this newfound leaf the girl has *allegedly* turned over becomes a long-term pattern of respectable behavior. Personally if I had my own kids to raise, it would be game over, but to each their own.
I was discussing this thread with my husband last night. We talked about all this discussion of the girl calling 911 for something flimsy like taking her phone away.
I think the main reason I'm disputing this is the way we raised our children. We have built up a huge amount of good will with them. They always knew they had it pretty good and that we love them unconditionally. They knew what the CPS process was and they knew about the potential pitfalls of foster care. I guess I just assume that all parents have had this conversation with their kids.
I feel like if my kids ever did call 911 or report us to CPS, there would be a fracture in our family bond. I would probably always hold that child at arms length regardless of the outcome of the investigation. This would be especially true if they reported something as frivolous as this.
I can't imagine our kids calling 911 to report us for child abuse.
Now that they are grown, they might call for a mental status exam. But calling CPS? No. Never.
But if they did, if they believed they were being abused and needed police intervention, then so be it.
An alternative placement would be the best solution. Living with a relative, or a residential facility, or foster care, or ...
Because I'd be so pissed, it really wouldn't best for them to be around me until I calmed down.
Poster after poster including the OP have no idea of how to work with and handle a child with this young girls problems. The advice they are giving is exactly opposite of what the experts tell us the way the child needs treated. They are not accepting the fact, that people with these mental problem, cannot be treated like everyone else. They are different, and have a difficult time trying to cope with the world. They can start doing something, and suddenly their mind switches to something else, and the first ask is forgotten.
Learn what the problems really are, and get an understanding of what is the real world for young people like this. The first rule is, never punish a child for things they cannot control.
Children with ADHD such as the young girl in this post, need to be treated different than other children, and expecting the same things out of them as other children is setting things up for disaster.
We have to accept the fact, that a child with ADHD is different and has problems that other people will never have occur.
They will have a crutch to fall back on, when things get overwhelming. They can use it to zone out, and let them become normal again. Their crutch will be something, that they can emerge with and forget the rest of the world and come down from a situation that is really upsetting them.
My grandson's is his computer. It can help bring him down from high stress to being normal.
Apparently this girl's crutch is her cell phone. She can text, or use it as a computer, etc. It is something she can zone out the rest of the world. Taking it away from her as the OP did, can trigger a serious episodes accelerating her problems. Without it, she has no crutch go get back to the real world she has to live in. Taking it away will trigger all kinds of mental stresses the OP and so many posters can never imagine. Taking it away as she did, accelerates the stress the girl is trying to escape from, and can be a living hell for her that the average person can never even imagine.
The posters need to realize this girl has a serious mental condition, and she has to be handled differently than a normal 12 year old.
In fact experts say a child of that age with her problems, is intellectually and emotionally 3 years behind her pears. For all practical purposes she is about 9 years old mentally.
Acting the way she is, the OP is exactly this child's worst nightmare. The father appears to have accepted the fact she is different, and the OP thinks this is a big weakness/failure. The damage she is doing to this child, going to whip her into shape like a Marine Drill Instructor, is the worst hell this child can be subjected to. It is mental cruelty.
Poster after poster including the OP have no idea of how to work with and handle a child with this young girls problems. The advice they are giving is exactly opposite of what the experts tell us the way the child needs treated. They are not accepting the fact, that people with these mental problem, cannot be treated like everyone else. They are different, and have a difficult time trying to cope with the world. They can start doing something, and suddenly their mind switches to something else, and the first ask is forgotten.
Learn what the problems really are, and get an understanding of what is the real world for young people like this. The first rule is, never punish a child for things they cannot control.
Children with ADHD such as the young girl in this post, need to be treated different than other children, and expecting the same things out of them as other children is setting things up for disaster.
We have to accept the fact, that a child with ADHD is different and has problems that other people will never have occur.
They will have a crutch to fall back on, when things get overwhelming. They can use it to zone out, and let them become normal again. Their crutch will be something, that they can emerge with and forget the rest of the world and come down from a situation that is really upsetting them.
My grandson's is his computer. It can help bring him down from high stress to being normal.
Apparently this girl's crutch is her cell phone. She can text, or use it as a computer, etc. It is something she can zone out the rest of the world. Taking it away from her as the OP did, can trigger a serious episodes accelerating her problems. Without it, she has no crutch go get back to the real world she has to live in. Taking it away will trigger all kinds of mental stresses the OP and so many posters can never imagine. Taking it away as she did, accelerates the stress the girl is trying to escape from, and can be a living hell for her that the average person can never even imagine.
The posters need to realize this girl has a serious mental condition, and she has to be handled differently than a normal 12 year old.
In fact experts say a child of that age with her problems, is intellectually and emotionally 3 years behind her pears. For all practical purposes she is about 9 years old mentally.
Acting the way she is, the OP is exactly this child's worst nightmare. The father appears to have accepted the fact she is different, and the OP thinks this is a big weakness/failure. The damage she is doing to this child, going to whip her into shape like a Marine Drill Instructor, is the worst hell this child can be subjected to. It is mental cruelty.
I would ask you what your goal is with this child? If you goal is to make sure they are comfortable for the rest of their live, this is perfect. If you want this child to eventually become a fully-functioning independent member of society, this won't work. No employer will accept this kind of behavior. If you want to support this person for the rest of your life, I guess that's your decision.
I would ask you what your goal is with this child? If you goal is to make sure they are comfortable for the rest of their live, this is perfect. If you want this child to eventually become a fully-functioning independent member of society, this won't work. No employer will accept this kind of behavior. If you want to support this person for the rest of your life, I guess that's your decision.
In other words, you think that you can beat them into being normal. The medical world has found out that does not work, and it does more damage than good. By the time they are grown, the majority of the people with this type of problem, are able to learn how to mask the problem and exist in the real world. In other words they learn how to hide the problem when around people, and and break downs are let happen when they are alone.
Early to late teens, are a period all children learn to survive in the real world. This is a hard period for many teens, but with serious mental problems like this child, it is much more difficult.
You just cannot get it through your head, that people with a mental handicap, require different treatment than normal children.
In other words, you have no idea of what help young pre teens with mental problems need. You think you treat them like normal teens is enough. The medical world, has realized you are wrong years ago, and are trying to educate people as to the problems this group of young people have, and how to work with them, so they can develop to at least appear and act normal by the time they are grown.
[quote=oldtrader;51517396]In other words, you think that you can beat them into being normal. The medical world has found out that does not work, and it does more damage than good. By the time they are grown, the majority of the people with this type of problem, are able to learn how to mask the problem and exist in the real world. In other words they learn how to hide the problem when around people, and and break downs are let happen when they are alone.
Early to late teens, are a period all children learn to survive in the real world. This is a hard period for many teens, but with serious mental problems like this child, it is much more difficult.
You just cannot get it through your head, that people with a mental handicap, require different treatment than normal children.
quote]
Where on earth did I say anything about beating anyone? I guess anybody that disagrees with your approach must be an abusive a**hole, is that it? You must live in a very binary world.
In other words, you have no idea of what help young pre teens with mental problems need. You think you treat them like normal teens is enough. The medical world, has realized you are wrong years ago, and are trying to educate people as to the problems this group of young people have, and how to work with them, so they can develop to at least appear and act normal by the time they are grown.
I didn't mention anything about what my approach would be, but if it's different than yours - it's wrong. And I suppose you think I'm the one who is close-minded.
In other words, you think that you can beat them into being normal. The medical world has found out that does not work, and it does more damage than good. By the time they are grown, the majority of the people with this type of problem, are able to learn how to mask the problem and exist in the real world. In other words they learn how to hide the problem when around people, and and break downs are let happen when they are alone.
Early to late teens, are a period all children learn to survive in the real world. This is a hard period for many teens, but with serious mental problems like this child, it is much more difficult.
You just cannot get it through your head, that people with a mental handicap, require different treatment than normal children.
In other words, you have no idea of what help young pre teens with mental problems need. You think you treat them like normal teens is enough. The medical world, has realized you are wrong years ago, and are trying to educate people as to the problems this group of young people have, and how to work with them, so they can develop to at least appear and act normal by the time they are grown.
I get that you are quite passionate about this subject but you are doing a great deal of finger-pointing at a specific poster that, for the life of me, I cannot find saying anywhere that ["in other words"] "beat[ing] them into being normal" is their prescription.
I get that you are quite passionate about this subject but you are doing a great deal of finger-pointing at a specific poster that, for the life of me, I cannot find saying anywhere that ["in other words"] "beat[ing] them into being normal" is their prescription.
That's okay. My kids will get a kick out of it when I tell them about this tonight. One of them has Asperger's btw.
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But calling CPS? No. Never.
