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Old Yesterday, 05:51 PM
 
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At 14 he should be in high school, correct? Making the high school team would be another route to being noticed by scouts. And, at least in the case of my own sons, playing for the school meant playing year-round, because the coaches set up travel teams for the off-season, although they themselves did not do the coaching. Players were not allowed to be on a travel team during the school season.
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Old Yesterday, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
69 posts, read 7,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
At 14 he should be in high school, correct? Making the high school team would be another route to being noticed by scouts. And, at least in the case of my own sons, playing for the school meant playing year-round, because the coaches set up travel teams for the off-season, although they themselves did not do the coaching. Players were not allowed to be on a travel team during the school season.
Tryouts for next year high school are in the spring. He didnt play freshman year because he was already playing on 2 teams. The travel team he is trying to play for now doesnt play at the same time as school. He will do travel in the spring and early summer. He will do summer training and fall sports at the school.
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Old Yesterday, 06:21 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,080 posts, read 1,068,351 times
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What does your spouse say?
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Old Yesterday, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
69 posts, read 7,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
What does your spouse say?
What do you mean? We are in agreement. Im his wife and his partner but they are his children and his ex. I don't get involved unless I'm asked. I don't offer opinions unless he wants them and I refuse to even appear disdainful toward their mother. So any problems I have with this situation are my husbands problem
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Old Yesterday, 06:36 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,080 posts, read 1,068,351 times
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Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
What do you mean? We are in agreement. Im his wife and his partner but they are his children and his ex. I don't get involved unless I'm asked. I don't offer opinions unless he wants them and I refuse to even appear disdainful toward their mother. So any problems I have with this situation are my husbands problem
I was just wondering what he is doing/saying and why you said the kid was on "your couch."

Just curious.
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Old Yesterday, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
69 posts, read 7,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I was just wondering what he is doing/saying and why you said the kid was on "your couch."

Just curious.
Oh I see. He was sitting with me in our living room explaining to our son that if his mother says no our hands are tied. I only said my couch because its in our house and I speak from my personal perspective not as we/our usually
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Old Yesterday, 06:40 PM
 
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Can you take her to court over this, and have the court decide whether he can be on the team?
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Old Yesterday, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
69 posts, read 7,630 times
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Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Can you take her to court over this, and have the court decide whether he can be on the team?
Yes it's an option we are discussing. However family court moves slowly on a good day. By the time we saw a judge it could be 2 months from now, by which time he will have missed the winter workouts. But yes it is something we are discussing, their divorce settlement stipulates neither parent can reasonably deny activities so we would most likely be successful
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Old Yesterday, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
141 posts, read 47,774 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post


Me and my husband have 9 children between us. 7 from his previous marriage 1 from my previous marriage and 1 together. And co-parenting with a jerk is the hardest thing I've ever done.

This particular instance is our oldest boy (14) wants to play professional baseball as a catcher. Hes team captain and hes really good. So we found an awesome travel team that regularly has scouts attend games. But it's expensive. We are willing to pay for it out of pocket ourselves and she is refusing to let him play on the grounds that we are "spoiling him". Its so monumentally frustrating.
Have you adults or the co-parents sat down and talked it out on why? If she's just coming up with random reasons it could be that they don't want to feel pressured to meet the future financial obligations the other children might think they deserve. It's no fun being the parent who has to say no; it even worse to be the parent who tells a kid no after another one gets to have stuff from the other parent in different a situation.

Several of my siblings co-parent or have married a co-parent half. One of the constants you see in each is when one parent feels that the dynamics are shifting against them. This ex is also juggling 7 other children, you may be fine paying for this situation in your home but it's going to cause a shift in how that opposing parent is looked at by the children. You can manage the finances for all 7 kids but if the ex can't and the kids pick up they are the "poorer" of the parents they might stop expecting anything at all from that parent which can hurt.

Some people see wanting to "overpay" for the child as a way to try and bribe the child into liking them more or to get the child to prefer them over the other parent who probably has to tell the child no when they go out because they can't afford it or spend as much between all the kids. It's a possibility that the parent is afraid this will promote the other children to ask for things they can't provide leading to animosity when one kid can do stuff but the others get left out because they don't have a talent or something as easily attainable.
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Old Yesterday, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
69 posts, read 7,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post
Have you adults or the co-parents sat down and talked it out on why? If she's just coming up with random reasons it could be that they don't want to feel pressured to meet the future financial obligations the other children might think they deserve. It's no fun being the parent who has to say no; it even worse to be the parent who tells a kid no after another one gets to have stuff from the other parent in different a situation.

Several of my siblings co-parent or have married a co-parent half. One of the constants you see in each is when one parent feels that the dynamics are shifting against them. This ex is also juggling 7 other children, you may be fine paying for this situation in your home but it's going to cause a shift in how that opposing parent is looked at by the children. You can manage the finances for all 7 kids but if the ex can't and the kids pick up they are the "poorer" of the parents they might stop expecting anything at all from that parent which can hurt.

Some people see wanting to "overpay" for the child as a way to try and bribe the child into liking them more or to get the child to prefer them over the other parent who probably has to tell the child no when they go out because they can't afford it or spend as much between all the kids. It's a possibility that the parent is afraid this will promote the other children to ask for things they can't provide leading to animosity when one kid can do stuff but the others get left out because they don't have a talent or something as easily attainable.
What you're saying makes complete sense and from her perspective I understand what you are saying but she has always been the giving parent the frivolous spending parent. She buys them the craziest stuff to try and keep their affection as the favorite parent. We are talking 500 per kid at Christmas. Huge trips to water parks and stuff all summer. Those are things we haven't been able to do and I don't think material things are all that important. But I do value experiences. And this experience is a good opportunity for him. They even tailor their wants with us vs her because they know they wont get a new phone a hoverboard and a ps4 in the same Christmas. But at her house they will. She even went as far as sending screenshots to the other kids in a group message so they could see the discussion between their parents as a way to make it seem as though he favored the oldest. We sat with them and explained that if anything comes up we will try and make it happen for them just like we are trying to make it happen for the boy. But I think she is terrified that any of the children will prefer our home. Which is silly since she is their mother and that's a very important relationship.

She texted my husband tonight and said "you're just jealous that [our son] likes me better than you and your wife"

Wait...what?
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