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I have an almost 28-year-old and most of my friends have kids, and none of us have ever caved to an unreasonable demand like that.
What a lot of us *did* do was allow our kids to express their wishes about various family activities and have input which we considered. That's very different than allowing them to *make* the decisions themselves.
You sound jealous, frankly, that your desires and needs were never taken into account.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
Ok, I will say right off the bat that I am childfree. The only reference I have regarding child rearing are my own experiences as a child and the people I know who have kids.
What I'm having difficulty understanding us the amount of CONTROL small children exert over their parents' lives.
When I was a child, my parents lived their lives and I was an accessory to that life. My duties were to go to school, and learn, bit by bit, how to become an adult. No thought was EVER given to my personal preferences about anything dealing with the family. The singular exception being my birthday (after reaching about 10) when I got to decide what I wanted to do for my special day.
Other than that, what my parents wanted to do....we did. When my parents wanted to travel, we traveled. When they wanted to move...we moved. No thought was EVER given to what I wanted or even what I thought about it.
The friends I know who have children allow them to totally run their lives. Vacations are decided by what the children want to do. They are scheduled based upon the social obligations of the children. A very hard-working friend of mine spends his 1 day off EVERY week doing things that his 5 year old wants to do. Whats more aggravating is that the child does NOT appreciate anything and behaves like an insufferable spoiled brat.
I realize times have changed but my big question is Why are people willing to subjugate every aspect of their life for their children when it is not necessary?
Okay so a parent willing to indulge in things their child wants to do in very limited time they have together is a problem because....?
My ex girlfriend works 6 days a week and on Sundays she spends the whole day with her child. Yes they do circuses, shows, art projects, museums, puzzles among other things. I look it at as whatever activity she is doing she is doing the main thing she wants...spending time with her daughter. It is far from the daughter having “control”. It is taking opportunities to impart in their child’s life and have fun. I definitely don’t want kids myself but from my observations my ex and her daughter are actively engaged with each other which I think is absolutely positive.
I’ll tell you one thing, if my parents, particularly my father, took the same approach as my ex did on this topic, my relationship with both of them would have been a hell of a lot better.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 12-02-2018 at 07:20 PM..
Okay so a parent willing to indulge in things their child wants to do in very limited time they have together is a problem because....?
My ex girlfriend works 6 days a week and on Sundays she spends the whole day with her child. Yes they do circuses, shows, art projects, museums, puzzles among other things. I look it at as whatever activity she is doing she is doing the main thing she wants...spending time with her daughter. It is far from the daughter having “control”. It is taking opportunities to impart their child’s life and have fun. I definitely don’t want kids myself but from my observations my ex and her daughter are actively engaged with each other which I think is absolutely positive.
Well said Diss.
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Ok, I will say right off the bat that I am childfree. The only reference I have regarding child rearing are my own experiences as a child and the people I know who have kids.
What I'm having difficulty understanding us the amount of CONTROL small children exert over their parents' lives.
When I was a child, my parents lived their lives and I was an accessory to that life. My duties were to go to school, and learn, bit by bit, how to become an adult. No thought was EVER given to my personal preferences about anything dealing with the family. The singular exception being my birthday (after reaching about 10) when I got to decide what I wanted to do for my special day.
Other than that, what my parents wanted to do....we did. When my parents wanted to travel, we traveled. When they wanted to move...we moved. No thought was EVER given to what I wanted or even what I thought about it.
The friends I know who have children allow them to totally run their lives. Vacations are decided by what the children want to do. They are scheduled based upon the social obligations of the children. A very hard-working friend of mine spends his 1 day off EVERY week doing things that his 5 year old wants to do. Whats more aggravating is that the child does NOT appreciate anything and behaves like an insufferable spoiled brat.
I realize times have changed but my big question is Why are people willing to subjugate every aspect of their life for their children when it is not necessary?
I agree with you! And I am child free too. whew! dodged a big bullet there.
I am a late Baby Boomer. I was loved and cherished, but I had no input on anything. There was also less advertisements directed towards children. No commercials for Disneyland vacations or other theme parks. I didn't know there were other choices than what I was given. I was a free-range child as were most children in my town. That was a plus.
Today people have children because they want to, not because they have to and that's a good thing. But it can also be a bad thing. Now that children can "appear" when they're wanted, a lot of parents almost consider them like a pet to be enjoyed when they feel like it. Parenting is hard work and a lot of people want kids for the fun times but don't want to do the hard work when they need to. It's a surprise to them when they find out for the first time that kids are permanent. So they get through the hard times by just coasting and you can tell which parents do that.
I didn't have kids because I knew I didn't want to do the hard work. I looked on kids the same way I looked on riding a horse: I wanted to ride the horse, but I didn't want to groom and care for it and I wanted someone else to saddle it up and bring it to me and then take it away when I was done. I knew at 15 that that's not the way to raise kids. A lot of parents don't find this out until the first time their baby doesn't sleep through the night or the first time their kid throws a two year old temper tantrum in public.
Edited to add: I will say that the one thing I find interesting is that no parents admit to letting their kids rule the roost or run wild. Everyone thinks they're raising respectful, well-adjusted kids and every parent says their kids aren't allowed to misbehave in public. It seems a lot of parents are lying or don't recognize themselves for what kind of parents they are - or aren't.
I would like to add another thing to this. Many people have kids to boost their social status and/or "because it's normal". Consider a scenario where both parents work low-level clerical jobs with power-crazy bosses, have few or no friends to share good times with, and don't partake in any hobbies. They also have family pressuring them to make a baby already. So they pop out kids. "Because they want to", of course.
Suddenly, total strangers ooh and ah about how cute their baby is, and they can say with a totally clear conscience: "I/We made that!" Even though sex and pregnancy have been done by humans for the past 2 million years, rendering it a questionable achievement. Then when the kid get older, they get to boss the kid around, by telling him/her what to do, make arbitrary rules, etc. They to actually be in charge. A far cry from the power dynamic at their jobs, and possibly other areas in life too. (I very much realize that letting the kid rule the home is much, much worse.) Still, let's be honest here: telling someone smaller and weaker what to do can feel like an ego boost.
Of course, it all comes back to bite them in the butt when the kid acts... (gasp!) like an actual person, and not like a humanoid automaton, that wows strangers with its cuteness and does what it's told without question. It also explains why many parents have a hard time accepting their kid is growing up, after he/she reaches a certain age: an older, more independent kid no longer matches reasons for which he/she was brought into this world. In fact, we humans are biologically wired to live like adults starting at age 12, not 21.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-03-2018 at 05:52 AM..
Let's remember the difference between boomers and their kids and grandkids today. When most of the boomers were born, there was no birth control and the prevailing attitude was everyone got married and had kids whether you wanted to or not. Kids were just there and were a part of life, like illnesses and weddings and other things. Unpleasant sometimes, but expected. You had them and life worked its way around them.
The younger boomers got a chance to use birth control but still carried on the rearing traditions of the 40s and 50s, and that rearing was the result of parents who lived through the Depression. At that time, you did what you had to do just to eat.
Today people have children because they want to, not because they have to and that's a good thing. But it can also be a bad thing. Now that children can "appear" when they're wanted, a lot of parents almost consider them like a pet to be enjoyed when they feel like it. Parenting is hard work and a lot of people want kids for the fun times but don't want to do the hard work when they need to. It's a surprise to them when they find out for the first time that kids are permanent. So they get through the hard times by just coasting and you can tell which parents do that.
I didn't have kids because I knew I didn't want to do the hard work. I looked on kids the same way I looked on riding a horse: I wanted to ride the horse, but I didn't want to groom and care for it and I wanted someone else to saddle it up and bring it to me and then take it away when I was done. I knew at 15 that that's not the way to raise kids. A lot of parents don't find this out until the first time their baby doesn't sleep through the night or the first time their kid throws a two year old temper tantrum in public.
Edited to add: I will say that the one thing I find interesting is that no parents admit to letting their kids rule the roost or run wild. Everyone thinks they're raising respectful, well-adjusted kids and every parent says their kids aren't allowed to misbehave in public. It seems a lot of parents are lying or don't recognize themselves for what kind of parents they are - or aren't.
Another possibility is that the types of parents who are likely to spend what little free time they have discussing parenting-related topics on a parenting board might be a bit more intentional than average.
OP should know that only the snowflake type parents allow their children to run them and their lives. Those of us that are stern parents and want nothing but our best for their children let the children know who the parents are.
This younger generation will have nothing but issues when they reach adulthood as they cannot accept not getting their way. Sad that somewhere in the last 20 years, parents forgot to importance that parents need to be parents and not their children's best friends.
OP should know that only the snowflake type parents allow their children to run them and their lives. Those of us that are stern parents and want nothing but our best for their children let the children know who the parents are.
This younger generation will have nothing but issues when they reach adulthood as they cannot accept not getting their way. Sad that somewhere in the last 20 years, parents forgot to importance that parents need to be parents and not their children's best friends.
Every generation says this, LOL. Now get off my lawn!
Edited to add: I will say that the one thing I find interesting is that no parents admit to letting their kids rule the roost or run wild. Everyone thinks they're raising respectful, well-adjusted kids and every parent says their kids aren't allowed to misbehave in public. It seems a lot of parents are lying or don't recognize themselves for what kind of parents they are - or aren't.
It's not hard to tell what kind of job you're doing as a parent.
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