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Old Today, 03:40 PM
 
11,633 posts, read 9,503,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
No, she is still the parent. They have shared custody (even if one has the kid more often), and therefore they should be CO-parenting and discussing matters like this together. One parent having primary custody and a new spouse doesn't eliminate the rights or status of the other biological parent, at least not in cases like this.



How do you know she's mad, and/or that the courts ruled against her wishes? Did it ever occur to you that SHE wanted that arrangement? Believe it or not, some mothers choose to allow the father to have primary custody; nothing wrong with that, if they feel it's what is best for the child. Unless I missed something, I see no indication of OP being mad about this agreement.



It's not mean, but like the other poster I quoted above, it's awfully presumptuous of you - not to mention sexist, as I never hear people say this crap when a mother gets primary custody. She didn't lose all parental rights (in which case your comment might be justifiable), she just isn't the PRIMARY custodian... every custody case pretty much has to assign one as primary, even if the kid is almost with them equally. She said he's with her on weekends, so that's basically the same as a shared custody agreement.

What makes you think "there must be some reason" for this? Just because you're not used to the father being the primary? You have no idea what their story is, and there could be a very logical reason with no fault on mom. I know families where dad has/had primary custody, usually for simple reasons like his house is closer to their school; or perhaps he has a more stable financial situation, plus the stay-at-home wife who can be there when the kid gets home. Don't assume without knowing the whole story.
No. I have no idea what the story is. But whatever it is, I think it stands that a call to CPS is not a great idea.
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Old Today, 03:46 PM
 
44 posts, read 28,637 times
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Spanking a 13-year-old is very late in the game, that said, I applaud your sonís stepmother. More mothers ought to care enough about their kids to teach them some manners, compassion and consideration for others. I hope it will make a difference. Bravo!
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Old Today, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,851 posts, read 44,198,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
No. I have no idea what the story is. But whatever it is, I think it stands that a call to CPS is not a great idea.
I agree with that... was just responding to the assumptions about their custody arrangement, since it seemed like people here were judging without information. Even as a woman, it irks me how sexist (against men) folks are when it comes to these things. If a man doesn't get primary custody, nobody bats an eyelash! But when it's the woman, they get questioned as to what they did "wrong" to "lose" custody. It's a little imbalanced, to say the least.
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Old Today, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,851 posts, read 44,198,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PCakes572 View Post
Spanking a 13-year-old is very late in the game, that said, I applaud your son’s stepmother. More mothers ought to care enough about their kids to teach them some manners, compassion and consideration for others. I hope it will make a difference. Bravo!
I wouldn't applaud this, when there are many ways to properly raise a child without hitting them. My parents never laid a hand on any of us (3 kids), and we all turned out quite well.
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Old Today, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Kentucky
425 posts, read 265,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
I wouldn't applaud this, when there are many ways to properly raise a child without hitting them. My parents never laid a hand on any of us (3 kids), and we all turned out quite well.
You must be special, I wasn't. I only got spanked once, (which I didn't really deserve, I mean, anyone could accidentally set fire to a gas station...). I never did it again...
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Old Today, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,480 posts, read 7,774,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. Thatís exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.

Spanking especially by a non parent is not ok. Nowadays given so much ridiculousness with pc and a demented school system itís very possible your son did nothing wrong. People have a right to express themselves and speak freely. If he doesnít like a person whether it is a genius or ďspecialĒ needs students he is entitled to feel so. Idk what he allegedly did (just because he was suspended means nothing. People have been on death row for crimes they didnít commit so the good judgement of anyone should never be assumed) and maybe he overstepped. But spanking is not acceptable. As for an apology letter, if the son doesnít mean it then it is evil to make him a liar. Thatís not teaching him good ideals.
I hope you aren't raising kids. You seemed to have an unhinged aggression thing going on.

Slap the stepmom?
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Old Today, 05:12 PM
 
607 posts, read 539,087 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
You seem to be focusing on all the wrong things here.



Bullying is more than just saying "I don't like you. " Why are you referring this as "alleged" situation when even the mother is not even focusing on the validity of it. In fact she acknowledged he should be punished for it. If the son didn't do it, he would've mention that in the conversation with his mom when he was talking about the step-mom's discipline tactic.


You remind me of a poster who really ran with the whole spanking is a "crime" aspect in another thread and derailed that thread. You're not going to get everyone to agree on that issue. The legality and whether Corporal punishment is the right method is a whole other discussion.



The OP doesn't indicate she is against corporal punishment, just that she doesn't want the step-mother to do it-- which isn't her decision to make, but the Father's. The Father supports it. The OP doesn't get to dictate what happens in her Ex's home. She doesn't get to define what role the step-mom will fulfill. The step-parent IS a parental unit whether the OP likes it or not. If the OP is truly concerned for her son's welfare, then she either should relay her concerns to her husband in a non--hell-raising way or go for more custody.

The issue here is not a parent spanking his or her son. The issue here is a non parent a person not genetically related to the kid spanking him. If the father did it it would be a different story although the mother would still have a right to be upset and demand that it not happen again. If you put your hands on my child not in self defense and you are not his mother I am going to have a massive problem with it. Keep your ****ing hands to yourself.
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Old Today, 05:14 PM
 
607 posts, read 539,087 times
Reputation: 1191
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
I hope you aren't raising kids. You seemed to have an unhinged aggression thing going on.

Slap the stepmom?
The stepmom slapped a 13 year old child. I think the stepmom has unhinged aggression going on.

I said the mom should ask the step mom if she would like to have the @hit slapped out of her because the step mom has demonstrated she is comfortable slapping a child. This is to make a point. Let’s say the step mom bullied a co worker in the office. Is it ok for her step mother (if she has one 60 or 70 years old) to spank her because of it. The whole thing is ridiculous.

I hope you aren’t raising children because if you are divorced and a man or woman who is not the father or mother put his or her hands on your son or daughter, and you don’t have a problem with it, that is very telling.

Last edited by john620; Today at 05:27 PM..
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Old Today, 05:18 PM
 
607 posts, read 539,087 times
Reputation: 1191
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Great points.





I taught special education for over 40 years. In the schools where I was a teacher the type of behavior that would result in a three day suspension would need to be quite severe or very serious and ongoing. A few actual examples were when a child threatened to kill another child and stabbed him with a pencil and several situations which involved violence towards a teacher or staff member (such as cutting a teacher with a broken piece of glass or striking a teacher in the face). I mostly taught in schools with over 400 students and sometimes months would go by without even one student being suspended for three days.


OP, please find out exactly what happened that resulted in your child being suspended for three days. I suspect that it was quite serious. Worry about that first.
I guess you haven’t been to school in the last 5 years. Today in California you can be sued for not using a gender pronoun how a person wants. You assume school officials and government officials (probably) act with good judgement most of the time. I assume that school officials and government officials don’t act with good judgement most of the time. I have zero confidence in the school system given what society and the mainstream has become. today the mayor of Chicago criticized the owner of the cubs for a letter written years ago where he said he is not comfortable with Islam growing and being a large part of America. Literally the mayor of a major American city is saying if you are a Christian and don’t want the majority of America to turn Muslim you are evil. And you trust the school system with administrators picked by burecrats picked by politicians who hire teachers who graduated from heavily biased universities where 90% of the professors have the same ideology.

Last edited by john620; Today at 05:34 PM..
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Old Today, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,851 posts, read 44,198,522 times
Reputation: 19925
Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
I guess you haven’t been to school in the last 5 years. Today in California you can be sued for not using a gender pronoun how a person wants.
Please. Show us one example of someone who sued and WON for that... because anyone can sue for anything, but winning the lawsuit is what really counts. And as a Californian, I can tell you that is bullhockey.

If this is what you're basing that on, please read something other than right-wing news sources; they have (perhaps intentionally) been feeding the hysteria with misleading headlines/coverage.

https://www.politifact.com/californi...forcing-jail-/
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