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Childhood jacked up by parents, private pitching coaches, Martha Stewart Valentine’s parties, birthday parties at hotel suites with limousine rides, AP classes, expensive prom dresses
We do lots of artsy craftsy things - a la Martha Stewart - but we do them together as a family. We don't do them to show off or "one-up" other families. We do a lot of things every year that build on the things we did the previous years... like making new eggs for our spring egg tree or new decorations for our Christmas tree, or homemade Halloween decorations, and stuff like that.
I also think (hope) that when the kids get to be adults, and if they still have some of these homemade things, they will be very happy to have them as some of them will become keepsakes. You never know what will become a treasured keepsake! They will appreciate them and the memories. That kind of stuff is hard to buy.
I totally agree with you! College? Wow my first mani was the day before I got married. My first pedi? I'm thinking about 2 years ago. And the limo birthday parties? Please. The sad thing is what do these kids have to look forward to? What will they do when they are just graduated from college, not making enough for a BMW payment? Or the have to share an apartment or buy a fixer-upper first house? I can't imagine how these kids will cope in the real world. Especially since it appears the real world will be a lot more "real" in the next 5-10 years than we could ever imagine. ....
Ok, this is sad - - - - I am 42 and have still never had a manicure or pedicure that I have not done myself!! Those acrylic nails are really pretty, though! You should have seen my first house - flat out scary, but we turned it into an awesome place! I think alot of people don't realize that many times all that "material stuff" causes you more stress than anything!
I also think (hope) that when the kids get to be adults, and if they still have some of these homemade things, they will be very happy to have them as some of them will become keepsakes. You never know what will become a treasured keepsake! They will appreciate them and the memories. That kind of stuff is hard to buy.
This is what I'm hoping for! We don't have a lot of material things, we live very simply, but we do have boxes and boxes of things we've made together. The boxes are marked according to the seasons and are kept in the garage. We are bringing out the Spring boxes now, and packing away the winter boxes. It's so fun!
The only thing is that I'm wondering how we will divvy it up when the boys grow up and move out to live on their own. I suppose I could just let them choose their favorite things... do people do Hope Chests anymore? Is that just a girl thing or ?? Hmmm... Maybe I should help each of my boys start a hope chest! Add things to it that they will need when they are ready to leave their mama's nest and make one of their own!
I feel like childhood has become so jacked up by parents - nothing is simple anymore and everything just seems so out of proportion. Some examples through the years that our family has battled against:
Private pitching coaches for seven year olds playing Little League since the dad coach is obviously NOT good enough
An entire class of little eight year olds getting a mani/pedi before their ballet recital
Martha Stewartesque class halloween and Valentines parties
Birthday parties at hotel suites, with limos...
Now in high school - More AP classes than my college had freshman courses. And clearly, everyone must take them...
I could go on and on! I wish we could stop this madness and get out of the business of escalating our kid's lives. Maybe the economic woes of the country will provide a reality check.
Thanks for listening!
Well, you're dead-on in your analysis of birthday parties and all the other endless entitlements that kids seem to have nowadays.
However, the AP courses are a different issue entirely, reflecting the slipping standards of schools. If you are a parent, it's become almost mandatory for a reason--that you want your child to have a first-class mind coming out of high school, something that's becoming more and more difficult with the dumbing down of our schools.
However, the AP courses are a different issue entirely, reflecting the slipping standards of schools. If you are a parent, it's become almost mandatory for a reason--that you want your child to have a first-class mind coming out of high school, something that's becoming more and more difficult with the dumbing down of our schools.
I partially agree with this. I think it depends on the school, and on the local area...
In the Redmond/Bellevue, WA area... they were pushing the kids too far. It was extremely competitive. Too much. The kids were stressed out, 5th graders drinking red bull to stay awake and studying all night and constant involvements in various academic competitions. No down time whatsoever. The culture in the area where we were - for one year - was horrific. AP classes were misused there. That culture felt it was not necessary to "keep up with the Jones'"... but blast them out of the water altogether. It was really bad from an outsiders perspective. The kids were exhausted and miserable.
Where we live now, in Oregon, is more like what you were talking about - the AP classes are a good thing. There are a lot of poor families here, and a lot of children who don't seem to get much from their parents at home. But then you have the families, too, that do nurture their children and those kids need more from the schools. So the regular classes tend to one set of kids while the kids who need more have the option of the AP classes. It works here, in this less competitive and less stressful environment.
When people talk about the dumbing down of our schools, I personally think the dumbing down begins with the families of the children. Parents and families need to step it up. A bunch of steps. The parents who don't do anything for their kids need to do something, they need to start caring, and the parents that do too much for their kids need to back off and allow their children to be responsible for themselves. I see those two extremes constantly. The disassociated, non-caring, negligent parents on one side vs. the hyper-involed, doing too much for their kids, helicopter parent on the other. More people need to come to a middle ground. But how do you fix something like that?
However, the AP courses are a different issue entirely, reflecting the slipping standards of schools. If you are a parent, it's become almost mandatory for a reason--that you want your child to have a first-class mind coming out of high school, something that's becoming more and more difficult with the dumbing down of our schools.
I'm all for kids having a first-class mind and I think that AP courses are a fantastic option for many students to reach higher levels than they would with standard curriculum. My issue is with schools boasting about the number of AP classes that they offer as if there is a direct link between more AP classes and prestige.
I'm all for kids having a first-class mind and I think that AP courses are a fantastic option for many students to reach higher levels than they would with standard curriculum. My issue is with schools boasting about the number of AP classes that they offer as if there is a direct link between more AP classes and prestige.
Well there IS a link between more AP classes and prestige. You may feel that the link is unimportant, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.
My Mother, whom I love dearly and was and still is a great mother. Is the one pushing for me to do all of thees things for my sons, who are respectively 9 months and 5yrs old. She says get them involved get them in volved. what she does not realize is that getting involved is expensive. She wants me to sign my oldest up for soccer this year,(dh just got laid off and though we will be fine, I do not want to add anything extra,)She acts like I am being selfish and tells me that she just wants them to do well in life. I told her that soccer will have to wait and she tells me that it will be to late the other kids will be so much ahead of him that it will only hurt him. You feel bad, really bad, then again DH says what he does not know will not hurt him, just do what you are doing now, let him play and use his imagination. Sorry this turned into a rant
AHH yes... if my daughters continue to play basketball throughout high school (which with all the pressure put on them IN 5TH GRADE to be ''good", it wouldn't shock me if one of them says she's done in a year or two.. the other one however just has a passion for the game) there won't be any more of our traditional ''going up to the lake'' week at the end of August.. why?? Because soccer camps go on, football practices (I don't have boys though..), and basketball camps are pretty much required to go to.
Yes - that is exactly the issue. Then, the next year or next party, the next mother feels that she has to outshine the previous Martha Stewart and the parties just get more and more elaborate.
I think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. I feel that If a mother has the financial and the time to do such things it's fine. Most of the time the parents that can... volunteer and those that can't don't. Personally when I can... I do and when I can't ... I don't feel that I have anything to prove to anyone. The reason I did it in the first place is not to be for others attention but just to do something nice for the kids. I know that there are some parents that do it for the attention but as for me I just love to be able to do things like that for all kids not just mine. I really do find joy in it. The parties does not have to be elaborate to be a great party. It only gets more & more elaborate when you have parents doing it for the wrong reason. And that does happen but that isn't going to stop me from doing it for the right reason.
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- but we do them together as a family. We don't do them to show off or "one-up" other families. We do a lot of things every year that build on the things we did the previous years... like making new eggs for our spring egg tree or new decorations for our Christmas tree, or homemade Halloween decorations, and stuff like that.
